Cruel Kindness
by Ken's luver
Summary: When Ken falls for someone who is a bad influence on him, he changes from his kind self to the cruel monster he was, without knowing it.
1. Default Chapter

(A/N: I'm back. I haven't been doing nothing all this time. I've been working on something like six stories and two novels. Three of which are fanfics for Digimon, this one included. This is long, I'm warning you now but hopefully you'll stick with it. Hey to all my faithful readers!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or anything to do with it, but I do own Catrina Harris.

****

"Cruel Kindness"

1. 'Sunny days'

"I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain

Falling down on a sunny day?"

When a person comes back from the other side, the other side being the darker side, they change. For the rest of their life they are a different person. They are being someone against their true nature. As you all might know, when all bets are off, when there is no conscience, when there is no little voice in your ear saying, 'no', that is when a person shows their true face. When they release all their deepest and darkest desires. And for a certain boy Emperor, it was no different. Now for the rest of his life he will be changed. He will carry the burden of his actions. He will try to hide that ugly face behind an innocent face. And it doesn't matter how many years have past, he will never forget. Because the moment he does forget, that's when he's failed and that's when he falls back on old habits. 

It's sad isn't it? How one bad choice can change everything? How one bad choice can make everyone look at you differently? How for the rest of your life you become a prisoner in your own mind. 

And just when you think to yourself that it could get no worse. That you could never let yourself do anything like that again, you find that you've slipped after it's too late. And why not? Why shouldn't we? Who says what is right and what is wrong? Surely being free makes a person happy, and so what if when a person is happy they are causing pain? I guess not. Because making other people unhappy at the expense of your happiness is not right, it's wrong. 

Ken sat at his desk staring at a screen full of text. His partner, Wormmon was fast asleep on top of his bed. He glanced up at the little creature before rubbing his temples and looking back at the bright screen. He needed to get a good grade on this project in order to pass with an impressive grade. If he really wanted, he could have just done it in two days and gotten an average grade. But he wasn't average. Nothing about him was average and no one let him forget that. Not even himself. 

He ran his hand over his cheek and down to his chin in a gesture of deep thought. He felt the rough texture of his skin, telling him that he should have shaved this morning. He was seventeen now, years after his mistakes, but other than his appearance and voice he hadn't changed much at all. 

He took a deep breath and was about to get up and fetch himself a glass of water, when he did a double take at the sliding door leading onto the balcony. He frowned and walked a bit closer to the door. At seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he shook his head and mumbled something about working too long. But as he turned again, he saw a young woman standing in front of his door. She was leaning against the bars of the balcony, dressed in black boots, tight black jeans, a chain hanging from her pocket, and a crimson top that had black straps. As his eyes roamed to her face, he noticed that her hair was rather striking but stunning at the same time. The tips, dyed from underneath and halfway down, was a deep rich red while the rest of her hair was a lighter brown, reaching her shoulder blades. She had three earrings in her ears, wicked, brown eyes, lined with black eyeliner and glossed lips. 

She gave him a half grin and placed her hands on her hips, which he noticed had rings on every other finger. 

He walked up to the door and opened it. "Can I help you?" he asked politely. 

Now she gave him a full smile, "I was going to knock on your door here. I've been walking along this balcony checking out my new neighbors and you seemed like the only one worth getting to know."

Not knowing what to say to this, Ken glanced at the balcony and saw that there were bars blocking the way where each apartment ended and a new one began. 

Reading his mind, she added, "I climbed over them."

Turning his attention back to her, he asked, "You just moved in?"

She nodded and looked into his room, "Uhuh, just yesterday. You gonna invite me in?"

Ken blinked and apologized, signaling for her to go into his room. He followed her in and watched as she looked around. "Sweet crib." She commented. 

"You're not from Japan are you?" he asked folding his arms. 

Without looking at him she replied, "Nope. I'm from LA. My parents got transferred here and I had to tag along." 

"Do you have a name?" he asked with a wry grin. 

This time she did turn to look at him, with a grin to match, "Yeah, I do. It's Catrina Harris, but most people call me Cat. Do you have a name?"

He nodded, "Ken Ichijouji." 

"Last name's a mouthful." 

"People seem to manage." 

She shrugged, "I'll stick to Ken."

As she turned again, he noticed her top was back less and that she had a tribal tattoo on the small of her back. "When did you get that?" 

She looked confused and then registered what he was referring to, "In my innocent youth." She gave a small empty laugh, "I was fourteen when I got it, much to the objection of my parents. But that's the point right?"

"To go against your parents wishes?" 

"To do what makes you happy." 

A small uncomfortable silence settled between them and she decided to sit down on his desk, "But that was a long time ago." She added with a sigh. 

"Yeah." He said softly. 

She looked up at him again, "So what's your story? How'd you become a victim of your own actions?"

He cocked an eyebrow, "What makes you think that I-"

"Oh please it's written all over you eyes. Part of the reason I wanted to get to know you."

He swiveled his chair away from her, "Lets just say I wasn't what you would call a nice guy." 

"Nice guys finish last." She scoffed. 

"Not always." 

"If you say so." 

He looked darkly at her, "Okay, so what's your story?"

She hopped off his desk and shrugged, "I was, what you'd call a problem child. I ran with a rough crowd, got myself into a lot of trouble. Ended up in Juvenile court and then prison for about six months."

Ken opened his mouth to say something in response to that, but couldn't think of anything, so he shut it again and looked her up and down again. "You're what? Sixteen?"

"Seventeen. Eighteen in a few months." She trailed her finger along his books stacked on his wooden bookshelf. "Lota books here on the mind. You interested in psychology?"

Ken nodded slightly and she turned back to the books, "'My Buddy, My Brain?'" She raised her eyebrow at him and again looked back at the books before she turned about face all together and leaned against the shelf, "So, there any clubs in Japan?"

"There are. But we're under age."

She rolled her eyes, "By a year. What's a year? Besides, a bouncer has never asked me for my ID. Someone once told me that I have the maturity of a twenty-one year old and the face to match."

Ken studied her face and nodded, "They were right." 

"So you up for it?" she asked walking to the sliding door.

"What? Sneaking into a club? Now?"

She glanced down at her watch, "Well, it's nine thirty, if we go now, we'll get to a decent club by about ten and that's when everything starts heating up."

"I can't, I'm sorry. But if you still want to go, my friend Matt told me that a really nice place to go is 'Moonbeams'."

She folded her arms; "You'd let me go to a club all on my lonesome? A stranger in this town? What if something happened to me? What if someone attacked me?"

Ken gave a small chuckle, "I have a feeling you could handle yourself." 

"Among other things." She added softly.

A soft thud was heard out side Ken's door. He whipped his head in that direction and looked worriedly at Cat, "You really shouldn't be here, I'm not really supposed to have girls in my room."

Ignoring his urges, she stood against the door, "So how about it? You gonna come or not?"

"I'd really like to," Ken rushed through his sentence and never took his eye off the door now, "but I can't. Sorry." 

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!" she pleaded and before he could understand what she was doing, she opened his bedroom door and walked into the hall, towards his front door. His eyes widened and he sprinted out his room only to find her standing at the wall between the kitchen and the front door. Amazed that his parents hadn't spotted her, he quietly, with a very angry look on his face moved to the door, slipped on his shoes, opened the door and yelled behind him, "I'm just going over to Davis' house Mama! He needs my help with something!" and he shoved her out the door, not waiting for a reply from either of his parents. 

Mrs. Ichijouji glanced down at her watch and muttered something about the time, but shrugged it off. 

"What the hell are you playing at?" Ken burst at her, while chasing her to the elevator. 

She giggled, "I'm making you take me out." 

He sighed and looked around, "All right, fine, you win. So where are we going?"

Her face broke into a wide smile; "I liked the sound of that one you mentioned. Moonlight?"

"Moonbeams." 

After catching a taxi, the two ended up outside 'Moonbeams' where it was packed with young trendy people. Ken paid the taxi driver and went to open the door for Cat, but she had already let herself out, "You always such a gentleman?"

He turned to the door and noticed two Bouncers that looked rather intimidating, but she grabbed his hand and led him over to the entrance. She confidently walked past them, giving them a quick smile and they paid the person at the counter. 

As they walked into the main area of the club, they couldn't help but stare all around themselves. 

There was what looked like three dance floors, all at different levels. Scaffolding like constructions were on either side of the club, with platforms to dance on. There were bars on either side of the club and an area with chairs and tables where people sat with drinks. 

Ken took one look at the area and felt a buzz in his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was the impending doom of getting kicked out of the club or getting arrested, or if it was excitement of both the vibes coming from the club and doing something wrong. 

He looked at Cat, "Won't your parents wonder where you are?" he yelled. 

She shook her head; "No!" she replied loudly over the music, "They are doing something for work!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she grabbed his hand and yanked him to the bar, "Now come on!" She leaned over the bar counter and shouted her order to the barman. 

The tall dark man nodded and placed four shot glasses on the bar counter. Then he proceeded to fill them with a golden liquid. She paid him and handed one of the glasses to Ken. 

He squinted down at it and then at her, "Is this tequila?" 

She nodded with a sly grin and chinked her glass with his; "Cheers!" then she knocked it back and swallowed the warm liquid. When she pulled her head back she noticed he hadn't drunk his, "Well? What are you waiting for?"

"I've never drunk this before. I've never had alcohol before." He confessed. 

"So there's a first time for everything!" she smiled at him with her wicked eyes, "Come on!"

He sighed, shrugged and tossed it back just as she had done. He grimaced as the liquid burned all the way down his throat. "You enjoy drinking that?" he spluttered. 

She laughed, "It's wonderful stuff!" she picked up the other glass and handed it to him, "Here." 

"I don't think I should have another one." He tried to push it away, but she forced it into his hand. 

"Take it. What's two shots?" 

He rolled his eyes and tossed it back, this time with more ease than the first time.

She then turned to the dance floor and he backed up a pace, "I don't dance." 

"Okay, fine. You can sit there then and watch me dance." And she sauntered off towards one of the platforms on the scaffolding. 

He sat down on one of the soft stools at a table and watched her dance. He noticed her moves were far more graceful than her personality. Her hips swayed to the rhythm of the music and they popped with each strong beat, as her arms moved elegantly up and down her body and over her head. He found himself transfixed on her body and try as he might, he could not tear his eyes away from her. He rested his elbows on the table in front of him and placed his chin on his hands looking up slightly to watch her. 

A pretty waitress dressed in a white shirt and a short black skirt with a white apron walked up to Ken and asked him if he would like a drink. 

He was about to shake his head and say 'thanks but no thanks', when he glanced back at Cat dancing seductively, then gave a small smile and said, "Yeah, could you bring four tequilas?"

She gave a broad smile and nodded. She shortly returned with the glasses on a tray and set them on the table. He paid her and then thought of something when she was about to go. He called her back with a request, "Could you bring some salt and lemon?"

"Sure." And after a few minutes, she returned with a salt shaker and a saucer of lemon wedges.

When he looked up again, he noticed Cat wasn't there anymore, but when he looked ahead of him, he saw that she was walking towards the table. She looked at the glasses, lemon and the salt and asked with a laugh, "What's this?" 

"This is drinking tequila the right way, with the lemon and the salt." He said with a hint of a challenge in his voice. He licked his hand, and picked up the salt shaker ready to put it on his hand, when she stopped him.

"I have a better idea." She took the shaker from him and pulled the black straps of her top away from her collarbone, then she looked at him invitingly, "Lick me." 

He raised his eyebrows, "What?"

She giggled, "It's called a body shot, now lick me."

Ken stood up a little bit apprehensively and then moved forward and something happened to him. He felt the music pulsing in his ears and his body, he felt the effects of the tequila running through his blood and something else took over him. He grinned and bent forward, licking her soft, smooth skin slowly. He lifted his head again and looked at her. 

She sprinkled some salt on that damp area of her body and he bent down to lick it again. Then she handed him his shot of tequila and when he brought his head back up, he noticed she had the wedge of lemon in her mouth. Without thinking, he leaned forward, tilted his head and sucked on the lemon wedge. 

Suddenly very aware of everything he had just done, he pulled away and wiped his mouth. 

She took the lemon out her mouth and smiled at him, "My turn." 

She stepped forward and pulled open his electric blue shirt, revealing his toned torso. Grinning, she licked upwards from his collarbone to his neck and after sprinkling the salt on, she licked him again. Then she tossed back the drink and bit into the lemon in his mouth. 

He stood there with his eyes closed, feeling her close to him, almost kissing him, and teasing him. Something inside him sparked and he suddenly felt extremely alive. Admitting it to himself was incredibly hard, but he hadn't felt this aware of himself and of life since his days as the Emperor. Out of pure instinct he pulled way and wiped his mouth. 

She blinked and cocked her head to the side, "What's wrong?"

"We just met Cat. Don't you think your being a bit forward?"

She placed a hand on her jutting hip, "From my experience, men like woman who take charge."

He stepped back, "Well, I'm different." And he turned and marched to the door. 

"Apparently." She mumbled and ran after him. When she had caught up to him, she seized his wrist, "Ken! Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

He turned and sighed; "It's okay." He looked around, "I think we should go now."

She nodded and they left the club, called a taxi and sat in the car in silence. 

Ken pulled off his shirt and walked over to his desk to shut down his computer. Wormmon yawned and looked down at his friend. "It's late Ken. Have you been working on the computer all this time?"

Ken glanced up, "No, I went out for a while." 

The little worm looked a little happier, it was rare that Ken went out, even if it was with the Digidestined. He was more of a loner and preferred to keep his own company. Wormmon always noticed that Ken looked drained after spending time with his friends but he never asked why. This time though, Ken looked so much more vibrant. "Where did you go?"

"To a club with a new girl in the building. Her name is Cat." Ken looked down at his chair and then lifted his head to look at the sliding door as if he thought she was standing there. 

He quickly shook his head, his indigo locks falling in his face and slipped on a pair of boxers to sleep in. He climbed up the ladder to his bed and got under the covers. "Night Wormmon." He said quietly and shut his eyes, seeing an image of Cat burnt onto his eyelids. 

He opened them again and sat up quickly. He ran his hand through his hair and huffed. 

Wormmon looked up at him with concern, "What is it Ken?"

"I don't get it Wormmon." He confessed, "I've only known her for a few hours and she's already getting under my skin."

"But isn't that a good thing? Didn't you need someone to help you get over Yolei?" 

"Maybe," he mumbled, "but I think she's bad news and I should stay away from her."

"Then you should do that."

Ken sighed, "I don't think she'll let me stay away."

*

The sun shone in his room while he sat at his desk again, trying to focus on his project. The afternoon was warm, so he had the sliding door open to let in some fresh air. Or possibly there was another reason for it being open. He shook his head and looked back down at his notes. He stared at the page, not really seeing it at all, but letting his mind wander to the night before. 

A part of him was hoping that every time he looked at the door, he would see her, but to his chagrin, she wasn't there. 

He sighed and pressed his head on his hands as he scrutinized his notes again. Eventually after five minutes of reading the same sentence over and over again, he gave up and pushed his chair away, "Oh this is pointless!" he yelled out in frustration.

"What is?" 

He whipped his head around to see Cat standing in the doorframe. 

"Cat!" he breathed. 

A sly grin spread over her up-turned mouth, "I see you're happier to see me today."

"I'm sorry about last night, it's just that, I'm not used to someone coming on so strong." 

"I should have guessed that about you." She said stepping into his room and setting herself down on his desk. "So where are your parents today?"

"It's okay for you to be here. It's Saturday so they are out shopping and won't be back for a long while." 

"Good." She slid off the desk and sauntered over to Ken on his chair. She stopped in front of him and grinned, "That means that they won't hear us." 

Ken frowned; "Hear us? What do you-?"

But before he could finish, she had sat on his lap and began showering him with warm, passionate kisses. 

He closed his eyes and gave into her tenderness, but a part of him was telling him this was wrong, that he had only just met her, but the other part was saying to him that this was amazing! 

She nibbled on his lips and teased him occasionally while running her hands through his hair or down his back. He felt his skin prickle and his heartbeat in his neck. And just when he began to kiss back, he felt something in him spark again like last night. He jolted and pulled away from her quickly. 

She stood up and looked down at him with confusion, "What's wrong?"

He looked at the floor, "I don't know. I just feel, like something isn't right."

At that moment, Ken's slightly ajar door was pushed open and in crawled a small green worm. He looked up at Cat and then at Ken, "I'm sorry Ken, am I interrupting something?" he asked innocently. 

"No Wormmon, you're not." He said kindly and invited him to come inside. He turned to Cat who was staring at the little Digimon. "That's Wormmon, he's my digimon partner."

"Digimon? As in those monsters that attacked all around the world a few years back?" she asked with interest.

"Yes, though Wormmon is one of the good guys. So you don't have to worry." 

"I wasn't worried." She said coolly and bent down to look closer at Wormmon. She looked back at Ken, "So you're one of those Chosen Children, or something like that?"

"Digidestined, yes." 

She snorted, suppressing a laugh.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she said through giggles, "but that's a wicked dorky name to call yourselves. I'd rather go with Chosen Children."

Ken didn't look offended, but instead shrugged; "I didn't choose it. And either way, I don't really care what I'm called."

"Yeah, just like you don't care what people think of you right?" she scoffed. 

He crossed his arms, "So I care what people think of me, so what? Doesn't everyone? Deep down, doesn't everyone care what people are thinking of them?"

She spun round and studied his books again, "I don't. I don't care what people think of me and haven't done for a long while. Kinda the reason I am like this today."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" 

She grinned and looked back at him, "Sometimes I'm not sure. I guess it's a 'My own worst enemy' thing." 

"I get that." 

She bent down so she was at Wormmon's level, "So," she said to him, glancing back at Ken, "who is Ichijouji when no one else is around?" 

Ken went to pick up Wormmon and hold him in his arms, "I see you got your tongue around my last name."

"I did, and don't change the subject." She stood up again and placed her hand on her hip. 

Ken moved to the door and placed Wormmon down, "Do you mind leaving us alone buddy?"

"No, Ken not at all." He said sweetly and scuttled off, letting Ken close the door behind him.

"I don't like to talk about things like that in front of him." Ken added when he turned back to her. 

"You hurt him?"

"In the worst way." He said solemnly and sat down at his desk while she leaned against his bookshelf. "I treated him like he was a piece of dirt. He was my personal cat toy and the digital world was my punching bag. I abused him everyday both physically and mentally and after all that he still wanted to save me. He still wanted to be my friend and in the end, it killed him."

He paused at the confused look on her face, then added, "Digimon are reconfigured in the Digital world, they never really die, though I didn't know that at the time. That changed me back to who I used to be before I became that person."

"That simple huh?" it was her turn to fold her arms. 

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing's that cut and dry. He dies and you automatically become this saint? I don't buy it."

He rolled his eyes, "Of course not. It took me a long time to finally fix all the mess I made in both worlds as well as earn people's forgiveness. And it took me a while to come to terms with who I was."

"And who you still are." She said raising her eyebrow.

"You don't know me, so don't assume-"

"I'm not assuming. I know for a fact that that person is still there inside you, in your head."

He narrowed his eyes at her and she threw her hands in the air, "Oh come on! You've got a library of psyche 101 here and you're telling me that that other side of yourself is gone? Think about it Ken, every time you think a little nasty thought, every time you have a naughty little desire, every time you want to beat the living daylights out of someone when they piss you off, THAT'S that other side of you. It's always there and it will always be there."

"I think you should go now." He said quietly but she ignored him.

"It's what makes you human and so what if you're a little darker than everyone else? You shouldn't reject it, you should just go with it, but know when to draw the line when it comes to thinking bad things and doing them."

"I said I think you should go now!" Ken raised his voice but the effect was as if he had screamed it. 

She stopped and looked at him for a long time and suddenly the corner of her mouth lifted and she sauntered out the sliding door adding softly behind her, "That anger you're feeling there, that would be him. Feels good doesn't it?" 

He rushed forward, closed and locked the door behind him, panting as he did so. He tightened his hands into fists and felt an uncontrollable rage boil inside his veins. Seeing the bookshelf where she had been standing moments before, he ran forward and with an angered cry, he threw all the books off the shelf in one powerful swipe. Then he fell to his knees and let himself breath heavily until it became soft and quiet.

He hated to admit it to himself but she was doing something to him. He was feeling again. For years he hadn't really allowed himself to feel, for fear of becoming attached and getting hurt when that something or someone was taken from him. Not only that but for years he hadn't allowed himself to become angry, or when he did, he did not show it. He knew that he had to control his tempter because it would frighten or worry his friends the Digidestined. But hiding your emotions all the time becomes draining on a person's body and soul. 

He had gone out with Yolei a year after the defeat of Malomyotismon but he never really was himself with her. He was just who she thought he was, a quiet kind boy. He never got mad with her and he never fought with her. He cared about her more than anything, but in many ways he never did show her or tell her that, just like he never shared those things with Davis, his best friend. And he knew deep down that he was holding back in order to protect himself when the inevitable did come. When they left him. Breaking up with Yolei had hurt, but he had never really gotten attached in the first place so it wasn't so bad. And it wasn't really a break up; it was more a case of them just drifting apart. They are still friends, and there is a mutual understanding between them but occasionally things can become a bit awkward. 

This girl though, she was different. She seemed to understand even things about him that he didn't understand. She had been there, he didn't know her full story, but he knew somehow that she had been down a dark path. The thing was though, she was so alive. He liked this feeling that she was bringing about in him and he wanted to feel it again. He got up with a determined force and opened the sliding door again. He hopped over the railing and continued to do so until he got to the forth apartment from his room, he peered into the room and saw her sitting on a crimson beanbag, strumming her metallic black guitar. Her back was to him so he looked around her room before knocking. She too had a bookshelf though hers was full of gothic vampire stories and other things like candles and incense. She had a computer and piles of paper spread on her desk. Her walls were covered in posters of various bands such as, 'Linkin Park', 'Crazy Town' and 'Papa Roach'. 

He looked down at the handle on the sliding door and noticed that her door was slightly open, so he pulled it back quietly and stood in the frame, listening to her sing a sad song. He didn't recognize the lyrics, so he didn't know if they were her words or one of the bands' from her wall. 

He felt the hairs on his arms stand on end when he heard her voice full of emotion, "It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone." She stopped and put down her guitar. She stood up and turned to him, "I heard you come in.," she added. 

"I was going to knock but I didn't want to interrupt your singing. You have a beautiful voice." He put his hands in his jean pockets. 

"Thanks. I just kinda mess around on my piece-of-shit-guitar, but I love it." 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." He blurted out.

"You didn't. Yell, I mean."

"I raised my voice and that was close enough."

She picked up her guitar again and placed it in its case, "You didn't come here to apologize."

"Yes I-"

"No you didn't." she argued, and walked towards him, "You came here for this." Before he could register, she was kissing him again, slowly and intensely. And he knew she was right. The moment he felt that spark in him again, he knew that she was right, he hadn't come here to apologize, he had come here for that feeling and this time he would not pull away from it. 

He began to kiss her back, running his hands up and down her back, through her hair or up her neck. Then she pulled away for a brief second to whisper something into his ear that would forever change him, "Do me." 

He pulled back to look into her eyes to see if she was serious and from the way that she was looking at him, she was. Without thinking, he began to kiss her again, all over her neck and chest and mouth. He reached behind him and closed the door and she then led him over to her bed. She ripped open his shirt and began kissing his chest and then she pushed him back onto the bed. She pulled off her purple top and threw it on the floor, revealing her black bra. 

For a brief second Ken sat up and said, "What are we doing?"

"It's called sex Ken, and it's fun." She smirked and began kissing him again. 

Ken jerked awake and turned his head to look at the pillow next to him, expecting to see Cat sleeping there, but instead all he found was a dent in it where she had been. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, finding that she was sitting at the end of her bed with her back to him, the sheets wrapped around her legs. He stared at her smooth skin and how her back dipped along her spine. Then he came to her tattoo and tried to figure it out. It looked slightly familiar to him, but he could not place it. 

"You're beautiful when you sleep."

He lifted his head when he heard her voice and took little time to absorb what she had just said. 

"You didn't fall asleep?" he asked her quietly. 

She shook her head, letting her long hair sweep her shoulder blades. Very abruptly she threw her legs over the side of the bed and got up to walk over to her dresser next to her bookshelf. She opened it and pulled out a small tin box which she placed on her bed side table and then grabbed her crimson silk dressing gown and wrapped it around herself. 

Ken vacillated, but the question was burning the tip of his tongue and so he decided to ask it, "Was I bad?"

To his surprise she looked up with a kind smile and gently told him, "It was your first time. No, you weren't bad, but you'll get better."

Ken sat back against the headboard and frowned, "What makes you think this will happen again? No offence Cat, but this should not have happened, we just met and we certainly aren't in love-"

"What makes you think this has anything to do with love? Sex is a way of release and baby, I felt you release something you have been holding in for years, something dark. You feel better don't you?"

Ken paused and felt the tension in his shoulders melt away. She was right, he did feel better. He felt slightly more relaxed and more comfortable in his own skin. 

"As for it happening again, don't speak so soon." She gave him a knowing grin and began scratching around in her bedside draw. 

He squinted at her, as if trying to see into her mind, "How many have you had?"

She looked up sharply at him and frowned, "That's a personal question Ken." 

He folded his arms; "We just got completely naked and-and-"

"Fucked each other?" she finished for him.

"Yes, I'm sure a personal question is not such a tall order after that." He looked into her chestnut eyes.

She sighed and dropped them to look into the draw. She pulled out a box of cigarettes and a silver lighter. She put one of the white sticks to her lips and lit it up. She took a deep drag and blew the smoke from her mouth while sitting on the edge of the bed. "Men have come and gone in my life Ken. I will admit it to you, there have been a fair number of them."

"Aren't you afraid of getting pregnant or sick?" 

Again she shook her head; "I can't fall pregnant." 

Ken frowned and was about to ask why when she continued after taking another drag of her cigarette. "Did you notice the faint scars bellow my belly button?"

"I don't think I did notice them." He confessed. 

She turned around to face him and went on, "I've had cosmetic surgery to try and get rid of them. They are very faint now and can hardly be seen, but they are there. Years ago I was-" she paused and looked meaningfully into his eyes, "A teacher took a liking to me and one day he tired to act on that feeling he had towards me."

Ken's mouth dropped open and he felt an incredible urge to hurt the person who had hurt her, but there was still more to come.

"When I screamed, he pulled a knife out and began stabbing me in the gut. I don't know what happened to him but when I woke up I was in a hospital and the doctor told me that because of the all the surgery there would be a lot of scar tissue in my-" she blushed slightly and Ken finished for her.

"Uterus." 

"Yes, which he told me would make it impossible for me to have children because the egg cell wouldn't be able to attach to the wall of the uterus. That and the fact that one of my ovaries is completely non functional." 

He was silent for a long while before croaking out, "I'm so sorry." 

She shrugged, "It's not like I really wanted kids anyway. Now, the only reason I use condoms is to protect me against STDs. I go for regular check ups, so don't worry." 

"Did the teacher go to jail?" Ken blurted out, which he postulated was a mistake. 

She stood up and bundled his clothes in her hands and threw them at him.

"I think you should go now. My parents might be home soon and I'd like to take a shower."

Ken began dressing and as he buttoned up his shirt he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I just wanted to know if he got what he deserved."

"It's okay." And she pushed him out the door, closing and locking it after him. Under her breath she added, "He got more than what he deserved."

She moved back to her bedside table and opened the small silver tin.

Ken blinked a couple of times to check that all that had just happened was real. He shook his head and when he was back in his room he sat down and ran his hands through his hair. 

Remembering that tomorrow was Monday, he sat back down at his desk and began finishing his project with much more ease. 

*

Ken wandered down the corridor and stopped at his locker. He began turning his combination lock till the catch sprang out and the door swung open. 

"Hey Ken!"

He paused and turned to meet his best friend Davis. He smiled kindly, "Morning Davis."

"You finish that project for computer class?" 

Ken narrowed his eyes at him and gave him a slight grin, "Did you?" he asked. 

Davis laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head, "I'm sure she'll give me an extension, don't you?"

Ken shrugged and rolled his eyes, "She might." He turned back to his locker and began pulling out the textbooks he would need for the first two periods. He paused again when he felt Davis' gaze burning a hole in him. He pulled his head out the locker and looked at his friend, "What is it?"

"There's something different about you, but I can't put my finger on it." Davis put his hand to his chin in a gesture of deep thought. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ken said smoothly and put his head back in his locker, the corner of his mouth upturned. 

"If I think about it long enough, it'll come to me." He said and turned when he heard a girl laugh behind him. He turned to see Yolei standing there, along with Cody, Kari and TK. 

"Don't think too hard Davis, or your brain might catch fire." The lavender haired teen sniggered. 

"Shut up Yolei." he retorted. 

"Nice come back." She shot, folding her arms. She leaned over to say hello to Ken, who replied politely and then she turned back to Davis, "So what were you trying to figure out?"

"There's something different about our friend here but I can't put my finger on what." The auburn haired soccer player answered. 

Ken closed his locker door and leaned against it, "Give it up Davis, there's nothing different about me."

Yolei leant forward and comically examined him, "I think I see what it is." She drawled. 

Ken frowned sharply at her and stood up straight, "Don't be stupid guys-"

"You didn't shave this morning." She giggled fingering his chin. 

Ken stepped back and swiped his hand over his cheek, "Yeah," he mumbled, "I must have forgotten."

"Yeah," Davis added, not quite as convinced, "that must be it." 

Suddenly something caught Ken's eye and he looked over his friends' heads. They all turned to see what he was looking at but couldn't make it out. "I'll be right back." He muttered and took off in that direction. 

He stopped in front of a locker where a girl was busy gathering her books. She leaned back and closed her door and started when she saw Ken. She recovered and put her books in her bag and smiled at him. 

"Hey Cat." Ken said warmly, "I didn't know you were going to this school."

The girl looked down at herself in her green sailor uniform and shrugged, "Well, I've tried the Catholic school girl look, I thought I'd give this a try too." She smirked, "Truth is I didn't get into that gifted school at Tamachi." 

Ken nodded and added, "I chose not to go there. I used to go there, but my parents gave me the choice of a normal high school experience or that place and I opted for this." 

"You're a genius?" 

"Technically not anymore, but I was." 

"How does that work?"

"It's a long story."

She swung her bag over her shoulder, "Maybe you could tell me over lunch."

"It's a date then." He nodded and then remembered to ask her something, "I was going to ask you yesterday but after all that…" 

She grinned and signaled for him to go on. 

"I was going to ask when you learnt Japanese."

"My parents are in the computer business, they travel a lot and they know a lot of languages, so I learnt them growing up. Japanese was just one of the everyday languages that I used. As you can see, it came in handy."

The bell chimed and they began to separate, until Ken looked behind himself and added to her, "By the way, you look good in your uniform."

She chuckled and waved, "I'll see you at lunch, or even one of my classes."

Ken nodded and ran back to his friends.

"What was that all about?" Davis asked.

Ken began walking to his first class; "She's a new girl in my apartment. Her name is Cat, she moved in over the weekend."

Yolei scowled at the retreating Cat and turned back to Ken, "You two seem awfully close."

"We just met Yolei," Ken snapped irritably, then added more smoothly, "but we get on well, like we've known each other for years."

"That's great Ken." Kari added, trying to ignore Yolei's deep glares. "I mean it's good that you are meeting new people and stuff. TK was starting to worry that you weren't making friends with anyone but us."

TK looked sharply at Kari and then to Ken, where he shook his head, indicating that it was actually Kari's concern, not his. 

Ken smiled, "That's kind of you to worry Kari, but you don't have to worry about me all the time."

They entered the classroom and took their seats, signaling the end of their conversation. 

*

Ken walked over to the lunch table and set his tray down. Cat looked up from her food and smiled at Ken. 

"So, tell me about being a genius." She said, popping a Rosa tomato in her mouth. 

"It wasn't as great as I thought it would be. And technically it wasn't even real. I had help you see, by this thing that was implanted in me. Made me great at sports too."

"Now you're just regular Joe?"

"Not quite. Some after effects are there, like I still have the ability to learn really fast but I'm not a complete genius anymore."

She leaned on her hand, "So this 'help', was it a drug?"

Ken shook his head, "It wasn't, but it was as effective. It's still in me, just now it's dormant."

"I see." She turned to look at the table across the room. "Your friends are staring at us." She commented. 

Ken looked in that direction and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I think Yolei is jealous of you."

"Who's Yolei?"

"The girl with the lavender hair."

Cat grinned and waved at her, then turned back to Ken, "So what happened between you two?"

"How did you know?"

"I'm experienced at all this." She signaled for him to answer. 

He sighed and looked down at his untouched food. "We dated for a while. A few years actually, but I wasn't ready for a relationship at that point in my life. I was so used to pushing people away that I didn't know how to react to someone wanting to be close to me. She was a wonderful girlfriend, but she was always so nervous around me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like she was constantly watching me, waiting to see when I would turn."

"Turn?"

"Into the horrible person I once was. If I lost my temper or got angry or frustrated, she would almost flinch and cower and it drove me nuts. Eventually I just stopped expressing my anger or my irritation because I thought it might concern her and my friends."

"God, that must drive you nuts."

"I understand why they are concerned though."

"But to be under a microscope all the time? No thank you. No wonder why you are so tense."

"I'm not tense."

She raised her eyebrow, "Yesterday tells me different."

"Yesterday was just…you don't know me Cat." He shook his head and looked down at his rice. 

She leaned forward, "I think I know more about you than you think."

He looked up again and she grinned. "Would you like to come over to my apartment this afternoon?"

He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off, "Just to hang out. Nothing more."

He gave her a wry smile and shrugged, "Sure, okay."

*

Ken sat on the floor, leaning against Cat's bed, his eyes directed at her television set, while she flipped through a music magazine. A Linkin Park music video ended on MTV and a new one by J.Lo started. 

"That's a crime." Cat mumbled from behind her magazine.

Ken turned to her, "What is?"

"Having a J.Lo song follow a Linkin Park song." When he stared blankly at her she chortled and added, "I don't like Jennifer Lopez much."

He smiled and nodded, "I see." He turned back to the TV and watched the music video for a while. "She has a-um, a…is it normal for a woman to have a backside like that?"

Cat dropped her magazine when she fell backwards with gales of laughter. Ken couldn't help but chuckle slightly at himself. "Yeah, well, apparently her fat ass is supposed to be sexy or something."

Ken glanced at the screen again; "I don't see it. It moves, it's actually kind of gross."

"Thank you! That's what I always say."

Ken bowed his head in shame and fell quiet. Cat frowned and moved closer to him, "What's wrong Ken?"

"That was a nasty thing to say."

"It was a true thing to say."

"Yes, but still it was mean and I don't like myself very much when I'm mean."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Even when you think mean things?"

He nodded silently. 

"That's crazy. You can't tell me that no one thinks horrible things about people, even the most saintly. It's impossible. The key is just to not say it, that way you don't hurt anyone." She paused and put a hand on his shoulder, "Ken, you can't be afraid of what you think. You can't expect yourself to be perfect and pure and always kind. It'll kill you."

He looked up at her and nodded sadly. 

"You can be yourself around me Ken." 

"I just hope that being myself doesn't hurt you."

She smiled sadly at him and stroked his face, letting her hand rest on his chin. She ran her thumb over his lips and leant forward to kiss them. He gave himself willingly to her without a moment of hesitation. 

*

Several weeks passed in much the same way as the first few days of knowing Cat had done. They would meet at break and eat lunch together, while Ken spent some time in the Digital world with his friends now and then, but mostly he would spend his afternoons with Cat and usually end up sleeping with her, or just kissing her for hours. It would be the same routine with her. She would never fall asleep and when he awoke, if he had fallen asleep, they would talk, while she puffed on a cigarette and scratch around for her small silver box. However now she felt comfortable to walk around sky-clad in front of him and he found himself staring at her tattoo. It frustrated him when he could not remember where he had seen it before.

When she picked up the box, which had been sitting on her bedside table, he began to collect his clothes because this is where she would usually kick him out of her room. But she stopped him this time.   
"You can stay for a while longer if you want."

He looked up blankly at her but she had already gone into her bathroom, which stepped off her bedroom and closed the door. He began to dress anyway and wandered what it was that was in that silver box.

A few minutes later, she immerged from the bathroom in her gown and sat down next to him. She eyed his clothes and looked a little malcontented; "You're going?"

"If you want me to stay I will." He said kindly, knowing that she would be alone again until her parents got home, which would be God only knows what time.

To his surprise she turned cold and stated, "No, you can go."

Groaning, he took his intimation and left.

*

"Ken! Hey Ken!" Davis ran up to his best friend who was ahead of him in the corridor. He had been heading to the cafeteria but Davis' calls had stopped him and he turned with a bite of impatience.

"What?"

"Dude," Davis frowned, "What's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" Ken asked smoothly. 

"I mean, you never spend time with us, your friends anymore. Every waking minute you're with Cat. You don't talk to us anymore; you seem distracted and really distant lately. It's making us worried Ken."

"Why?" he barked, "You're afraid I might turn on you? Go all Digimon Emperor on you, enslave you or something? Afraid I might go off the deep end and go insane on you?"

Davis stepped back, "Ken, what's up with you lately? Why are you acting like this? It's scaring me. Not just me but Yolei too."

Ken rolled his eyes, "Are you scared for me or for you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm sick and tired of pussyfooting around you guys and never speaking my mind when something bothers me or angers me. All because I'm afraid of what you guys might think. That you think I would go all, evil on you again just because I was acting human and not being perfect! Perfect, kind, gentle Ken Ichijouji!" He let out a growl of frustration and sat down on the steps. "I can be myself around Cat! Besides, I thought you guys wanted me to make friends with other people." 

Davis paused and sat down next to his best friend. "Ken." He breathed, "Is that really how you feel?"

"Yes." He stated inertly. 

"Dude, I'm sorry if that's how we made you feel. Ken, of course you're allowed to get angry and stuff. No one expects you to be perfect."

Ken stood up forcefully and hissed sarcastically, "Thanks for the permission." And stalked off.

Davis watched him walk away and stood up. The rest of the Digidestined met up with him and Yolei asked, "What was that about?"

"I think Cat is having a very bad influence on Ken."

"Why do you think that?" Kari queried. 

"It's just a feeling I have."

Ken changed direction and found him self stalking towards the lockers. He stopped when he saw Cat unloading some books into her locker. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail today, and her lips matched the same vivid red of the tips of her hair. He marched towards her and spun her round to face him. She dropped the book she was holding and looked slightly aghast. Without a word, he pulled her into a passionate kiss. When they broke apart he looked significantly into her eyes; "I want you."

She grinned and looked around them; "There's a closet around here that we can use."

He frowned, almost insulted by the idea; "I'm not going to fuck you in a closet like a cheap whore. I want to take you somewhere special."

She nodded and he took her wrist to lead her down the corridor and to the computer room. 

"Uh, Ken. We can't use a classroom."

"Just wait." When they arrived he closed the door behind them and showed his D-3 to the computer in the front of the class. In seconds they were sucked into the Digital world. Cat picked her self up and looked around at the forest. "This way." He took her wrist again and half dragged her.

"Is this the digital world?"

He nodded his head. 

"It's beautiful."

Suddenly, the forest ended and a desert began. It seemed they had walked for miles when they finally came to a sight of wreckage. He stopped before it and stared at it. After a while, he began to speak, but never faced her. "This is where I used to do all my evil. I was known as the Digimon Emperor here and feared by all. I was a horrible person and when I had turned away from the darkness, my friends and I destroyed this Base. But after a few years I returned to it, just to look through it. Sometimes I come here to think or to vent my feelings and frustrations. I guess you could say it's still my base, only I have a new use for it now. None of the Digidestined know this, they would be horrified if they did." Finally he turned to her, "Come with me."

He began to walk into the wreckage to an opening. The path was relatively clear because Ken had moved any obstacles in the way years before. Finally they came to a room that seemed undamaged by the explosions. It was the Emperor's old bedroom. A four-poster bed was in the middle, with black silk sheets draped over it. The windows were void of glass so the dark curtains blew gently. 

Taking her cue, Cat walked forward and began to undress. 

"Wait!"

She stopped and turned to him.

"I want to do it."

She dropped her hands to her sides and he walked up to her. He brushed his hand up her cheek and ran it along her hair, where he pulled out the ponytail, letting her long hair fall to her shoulders. Then benevolently he began to unbutton her shirt, kissing her now and then. 

He felt that spark inside again and new this was something special. He wanted to show her how he felt for her, to let him self go with her.

After they had made-love everything was different. Ken watched her sleep for a change and found she was so beautiful and vulnerable. He stroked her cheek and her hair. He smiled and kissed her head, "I love you Catrina."

She stirred and turned to look at him. "I fell asleep." She said surprised. 

He nodded and she grinned, "You watched me sleep."

He nodded again, "You're beautiful when you sleep."

Abruptly, she threw the covers off herself and went in search of her clothes. "We should go. We've probably missed the rest of our classes." She picked up her bag, which had been dumped in the corner and rummaged through it. "Shit, no cigarettes." However, she pulled out her small silver box and looked around. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Just through there." Ken pointed to a room off the bedroom. 

After she had been in there for a minute, his curiosity got the better of him and he walked quietly to the bathroom to see what it was she did with that box. He stopped dead when he saw her bent over a broken piece of mirror, which had three vertical white stripes on it. He watched her roll a note up into a tube and put a hand over his mouth when she snorted the white powered up her nose. Shaking with disbelief, he staggered back to the bed and began to dress as if in a trance. 

Finally she came from the bathroom and smiled at him, "Are you ready to go back?"

He nodded quietly and led the way back home. 

*

The next few days passed slowly for Ken. In every class he had with Cat, he found himself watching her closely. To find some sign of the fact that she was snorting cocaine every few hours, but there was no real sign at all. She was lively and energetic, but did not act or even look high. She was confident and seemed calm. He decided that he would do some research on the matter during his break and hadn't realized that he had been staring at her from across the room. When his math teacher called him for the third time, he started and apologized for not paying attention. 

Cat turned and looked at Ken, knowing that she was his distraction. A flicker of a smile came to her face and her eyes twinkled in a way they had never done before. She felt a strange flutter in her throat and stomach. This feeling caused the smile to evaporate from her features and turn to a frown. She looked to the front of the class again. 

'No,' she thought sternly, 'don't do this Cat. You know better than to get attached, that that only leads to betrayal.' 

She glanced back at him and couldn't help but smile again, 'But there's something there. He's different; he's not like the others. Maybe this time it could work.'

When the tune signaling the end of class chimed, Cat packed her things into her sling-over bag and glanced at Ken who was making his way towards her. 

"Cat," he said seriously, "Meet me near the computer class during break."

She grinned and nodded while he rushed off to his next class. She exited the class and noticed how he almost ran towards the library. 'He must have his next class off.' She mused to herself. 

When break rolled around, Ken printed out all the information he could find on cocaine addiction and ran to the computer class. She was standing outside it waiting for him and when she spotted him, she began to walk towards him. 

"What's gotten into you these days?" she asked playfully. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you wanting to do me during the day now, at school."

He stepped back and frowned, "You think that's why I called you here?"

She nodded and shrugged, "Why else?"

He tilted his head at her and stared imploringly at her face, "Cat," he began, "I like you, I like you a lot, hell, I think I'm in love with you and there's so much about you that I don't know yet and can't wait to find out. But right now I found out something about you that has been driving me crazy with worry. That's why I wanted to meet you here. It's private here, no one can over-hear us because they have all gone to break."

Her eyes dropped to the floor, "I, um-" she looked up and quickly blurted out, "I have to go." She spun to leave but he grabbed her arm and turned her around again. 

"I know Cat."

Her brows knitted together, "You know what?"

"That you're taking cocaine."

"Bully for you." She yanked her arm from his grip and turned to stalk off. 

"I want to help you!"

She stopped and asked in a defeated tone, "Why would anyone want to help me?"

"Because I love you Catrina."

"Love is a myth. Guys say it to girls so they can get into their pants." She didn't look back when she walked away from him and out the doors at the end of the hall.

He watched her and shook his head, "Who hurt you so badly Cat? Who made you think that no one could love you?"

That evening while Ken sat at his computer, trying to do his homework, Cat found herself wishing that Ken would come to her sliding door so she could apologize to him. 'He cares.' She exclaimed to her self, 'He actually cares about me and I went and screwed it up. Again, just like always.'

While she lay back on her beanbag, listening to Linkin Park playing in the background, she felt a gaze on her. When she turned to the door she saw Ken standing there and stood up. A still moment passed before she indicated for him to come in. 

"I'm sorry about this afternoon." She stated in a voice that didn't sound like her own.

Instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around her and ran his fingers through her hair. When she pulled away from him, her eyes were swollen with tears, but she did not let them fall. "Hold me." She choked out quietly and they lay down next to each other on her bed. He stroked her hair and held her close to his body where it felt right. 

An hour later, Ken woke to find Cat gone, her small silver box out on her dresser and a mirror next to it. One stripe was left there and Ken found himself staring at it as he made his way closer to the dresser. He looked at the rolled up note next to it and watched him self pick it up. As if he had meant to do it all along, he sniffed the power up and closed his eyes. A strange lasting feeling of euphoria filled his senses and he felt a familiar feeling until Cat stepped out the bathroom, a look of trepidation on her face. 

"Ken!"

He turned to her surprised and shocked. He jumped away from the dresser, and looked guiltily at her. 

"Why the hell would you do that?" she demanded. 

"I-I don't know." He confessed. "It's like it wasn't even me doing it. I-I-"

"Promise me you will never do it again!" she ran forward and grabbed his shoulders, "Promise me Ken!"

Frightened by the terrified look in her eyes, he nodded, "I promise Cat."

She sighed and let go of him. "I think you should go now Ken."

He nodded and an odd smile spread over his lips as he left, "But now I know why you take this stuff."

She looked at him sharply but he had already left. 

*

A few weeks later Cat had noticed a big change in Ken. He had been doing incredibly well in his studies, in soccer and in most everything he did. He seemed to have this air of confidence about him but with it came a nasty mean streak. He seemed to be slightly cruel now. When they were together she felt herself become afraid of him sometimes. And when they were sleeping with each other, it was not how she remembered it. Instead of his kind gentle touch, he was hard and demanding. She tried to refuse him once, but he became very convincing and she gave in. This new side of him excited and scared her at the same time and she didn't know what to do about it.

However, she knew what the change in him was and it sickened her because it was her fault. No matter how long she tried to push it aside and deny it, it was her fault and it was time to take responsibility for it. 

After soccer practice, she confronted him after seeing him have a fight with Davis on the field. 

"Ken," she began harshly, "You promised you would never take it again. You lied to me."

"It's okay Cat. I understand now why you take it. Look what it's given me! I'm a genius again, I'm soccer captain, and nothing really seems to bother me anymore, I can be myself around everyone and I don't care."

"I can see that. You losing your friends means nothing to you now because of a little bit of white powder? What about me Ken? Do you still care about me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why did you go against your word to me?" 

"What is up with you? I'm happy for once and everyone is trying to take it away from me. How come it's okay for you to be using it but not me?"

"You think I want to be using this stuff? Sure, in the beginning it was great, but then you realize it's taken you over, it's controlling you and you can't stop. And believe me Ken, I've tried, but it's too hard, I've been doing it for too many years. You don't have to do this. It's early, you can quit. Don't let it take over your life, don't let it control you."

"I'm in control!"

She stepped back, "Just like you were in control when that Dark Spore took you over?"

"That was different." He said quietly.

"How? How was that different?"

"That was evil and I was being manipulated and used by it, by someone who was controlling it."

"I don't see a big difference Ken."

"God, for once in my life I feel free of all my guilt and everyone just wants to take it away from me." He looked hard at her and turned around, "I don't want to talk about this now." He yelled and marched off to the locker room. 

She tried to follow, but Davis called out her name and she fell back so he could catch up. 

"Look Cat," he started coldly, "I don't know you very well, but so far I don't like what you're doing to Ken. He's not who he used to be. He's changed and for the worse. I think you were the influence for that."

She felt a deep animosity for him and barked, "Why is it not okay for your friend to express himself? You like it when he bottles things up?"

"You haven't seen Ken's dark side, but if he carries on like this, you will. He needs to find a happy medium, but right now you're making things bad for him."

She raised her eyebrow, "So what are you saying?"

He sighed, "I want you to stop seeing him. Break off whatever it is you have with him."

Suddenly she felt the bottom of her stomach fall out. An instant feeling of loss engulfed her and she stated selfishly, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because Davis."

"That's not an answer." He retorted. 

"Because I-" She exhaled loudly and finally gave into the truth, " Because I love him." Her voice was just above a whisper and her eyes were focused on her feet.

"I believe you do. I've seen the way you look at him, but if you really love him, you'll do this."

She looked up into Davis' face and knew instantly what she had to do. She had taken this young man's best friend away from him and she felt horrible about it. She wasn't used to feeling empathy for anyone around her and she had never lost a best friend but she was sure it must feel awful. She sighed, "You're right. I'm not the girl for him. Davis, he's hooked on cocaine and it's my fault. Please, you have to help him."

Davis' mouth dropped open but he quickly recovered and nodded. "You understand why I feel this way now don't you?"

Her eyes filled with tears but again, she didn't let them fall. She nodded slightly, "I'm unhealthy to him."

That afternoon, when Ken went to her room, she opened her door but did not let him in. "I have something I need to tell you Ken." She paused and pulled herself together. Her heart hammered in her chest and her thoughts were wild. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." Her tone was emotionless due to the fact that she was petrified she would break down. 

"What?" he stammerd in disbelief, "Why?"

"I'm a bad influence on you. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. If I don't do this, I will ruin your life Ken; you'll see and understand why I'm doing this. And then you will forget all about me. Look at what me being in your life has done. I got you hooked on cocaine and look what it's done to your life so far. You've chased away your friends, you've become this cruel monster, and you're not the man I-" she cut herself short and stepped away from him 

"You can't do this to me Cat. I love you! What am I supposed to do now? I need you. Please, don't do this to me. Don't leave me! I love you!"

"I'm sorry Ken," She said quietly, "but I don't love you." She slowly shut and locked her door. 

----~~~~----

Nic: To be continued. 

Ken: That was a really long first chapter. It's a record for you.

Nic: It was going to be longer, but I decided to put the rest of this chapter in the second chapter.

Kaiser: Which will be done when?

Nic: When I write on it, which may take months. So my dear loyal readers don't expect anything soon. I'll post a new chapter as soon as it is finished. 

Osamu: This is a different kind of story for you. 

Nic: Yeah, I know. I just felt I needed to write this, not to sure why. 

Ken: Where is it going?

Nic: Well if you stick with it, you'll find out won't you? There are a lot of loose ends from this first chapter that have to be sorted out.

Ken: We don't have much choice but to stick with it, we're the muses remember. 

Nic: *Smiling* This is true. Okay, to any of you who stuck till the end of this long chapter please review and tell me what you think. 


	2. Hate the sinner but love the sin

"Cruel Kindness"

2. 'Hate the sinner but love the sin'

"When I was born,

They looked at me and said:

'What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy'.

When you were born,

They looked at you and said:

'What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.'

We've got these chains, hanging round our necks

People wanna strangle us with them

Before we take our first breath.

Afraid of change,

Afraid of staying the same,

When temptation comes, we just look away."

'What a Good Boy' Barenaked Ladies

Ken lay awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His alarm clock had gone several minutes ago and he had hit snooze, with no intentions of going back to sleep for five more minutes. He was waiting for it to go off again, just so he could hit the button for a second time. This seemed to be a normal ritual for him, ever since Cat had closed the door in his face. It had been one week to the day, but to Ken, it felt like months and other times it felt like no time at all had passed. He was depressed beyond words and couldn't find a reason to get out of bed anymore. Not even cocaine was enough to make him happy, but that didn't stop him from taking it. He needed it, because without it, he was worse off.

Wormmon shifted somewhere beside him, still asleep, but he seemed unaware of it. The sound of his alarm clock sounded again, so he reached over to it, switched it off and threw back his covers. He sat up slowly and sighed. He climbed down his steps, walked over to his dresser and opened his draw. He reached in and removed a small wooden chest. Inside was his Crest of Kindness, as well as several small clear packets of fine white power. He picked up one of the sachets and removed his mirror from the draw. There, he cut two neat lines and snorted them as if he had been doing it for years. He sighed again and wiped his nose, then proceeded to the bathroom to take a shower.

When Ken arrived at school, his friends greeted him. They were warm and kind to him, knowing how much his break up with Cat had hurt him. Davis was the only one who knew about Ken's addiction, though Ken did not know this. The winter break was coming soon, and Davis was saving this information for that time. He had every intention of helping his friend, but not when school was so important to Ken. Davis had met with Cat later that week after the break up, to ask her about helping Ken get over his addiction. She had suggested that he wait for the break in school, so he did not miss anything important, which would only add to his stress and depression. Davis had decided this was the best course of action.

After collecting his books, Ken looked over towards Cat's locker and saw her placing her books in her bag. Her red and brown hair was down today; just like the night he had first met her. He slammed his locker and made to walk over to her, but he stopped when he noticed a tall boy with caramel hair hug her in a way that didn't seem appropriate to him. He knew the boy to be Yukio; he had a few classes with him. He frowned when Cat kissed him and then walked off towards class. He turned and saw Yukio staring after her with a look of mild satisfaction and hunger and it sickened Ken. A sudden rage flared up inside him and it took everything he had to stop himself from hitting Yukio, very, very hard.

"Ken," he heard Davis say somewhere behind him, "We have to go to class."

Ken turned and nodded.

------

During lunch Yolei was taking it upon herself to try to cheer Ken up. "You deserve better, Ken." She stated, popping a Rosa tomato into her mouth. Ken was forcibly reminded of Cat and their lunch meetings. "I know you really liked her, but she isn't worth your time." Yolei went on, glancing at Cat across the room and noticing how boys surrounded her. "Besides, I think she's a slut."

Ken looked up sharply at Yolei. She leaned back a bit, for he looked livid. "You don't know anything about her Yolei so shut the hell up!"

Yolei raised her eyebrows, "Oh really?" she said bravely, "Have you had a look at her lately, she has her own entourage of men who only hang around her because of one thing. You really don't want someone like that to be associated with you do you?"

Ken stood up and sounded like he was growling at her, "You don't know anything." He turned around and stormed off.

"Nice going Yolei," Davis grumbled, "way to make him feel worse."

Yolei flushed, "Well it's the truth! Look at her! It's not good enough for her to break Ken's heart once; she has to keep doing it? If I wasn't a lady, I would kick the crap out of her!"

"You're a lady?" Cody mumbled but only TK and Kari heard. They snickered quietly.

A loud commotion came from the corridor leading to the cafeteria. Everyone turned to look in that direction and some people were running to see what the chaos was. Davis leapt up, followed by everyone else. They rushed to the door and their mouths fell open. Ken was sitting on top of Yukio's chest; a fist full of his shirt and his other hand raised ready to punch, for what looked like the third time, in the face.

"Ken!" Davis yelled, horrified at his usually peaceful friends' behavior.

Ken ignored him. He was too busy staring at Yukio, who was laughing, even though his nose was dripping with blood.

"Oh come on Ken," he gasped through chuckles, "it's the truth and you know it. It's the only reason you were with her. The girl is easy; she got tired of you and moved on, it's what girls like her do. Get over it."

Ken hit him again and Yukio's laughter was punctured with a cry of pain followed by more laughter.

Davis ran forward and ripped Ken off Yukio, much to his protest. At that point a teacher had come around the corner and seen the commotion. He took one look at Ken and then Yukio and signaled for them to see the headmistress.

Ken looked up at his headmistress with a look of defiance.

She sighed deeply; "I would never have expected this of you Ken. What on earth happened to provoke you to hit Yukio?"

Ken ground his teeth and chewed on his answer.

"Well?"

"He called my ex-girlfriend a whore."

Ken watched his wizened headmistress sit back in her high back leather chair and put the tips of her fingers together. "I see. I can imagine how much that would upset you, but it still does not warrant an excuse to hit him. You have never given me trouble before, so I will let you go with a warning, but Ken, if you ever do something like this again, you will be suspended."

Ken nodded and stood up, "Thank you." He muttered and left the room.

-------

Ken walked into his room and slammed the door shut behind him. Wormmon scuttled to his feet and said hello, but Ken ignored him and walked over to his sliding door to open it. He stepped onto the balcony and looked down at the city bellow. He heard a noise to his right and looked in that direction. He saw Cat dressed in only her white school shirt and hot pants, smoking a cigarette as she leaned against the bars of the balcony. She glanced in Ken's direction and dropped her eyes to the ground again. Then to Ken's horror, Yukio stepped onto the balcony and began to kiss her neck. As he did this, she caught Ken's eye again and he saw that she looked almost bored, or sad, he couldn't decide. They moved back into her room and Ken sighed. He moved back into his room and snorted another line of cocaine, but it did very little to lift his spirits.

-------

Cat lay awake in her bed staring at the ceiling. Yukio had just been kicked out of her apartment and she had had her shower and sniff of fine white powder. She felt tears suddenly sting her eyes and a lump had blocked her throat. She felt empty inside and no amount of perfect drugs could ever fill her and make her whole. She sat up and walked over to her draw. She scratched around for a while until she found a photograph of her and Ken. Kari had taken it when they first got together. They were sitting under a tree on the school field and she was lying in Ken's lap while he ran his fingers through her hair. She felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her and felt that strong lump in her throat again. She pushed it down and pulled out her note pad and a pen and began scribbling down lyrics for a song.

------

"Cat."

She turned around and saw Ken walking after her. She sighed and stopped walking.

"I need to talk to you."

"Ken, I thought we agreed that we wouldn't talk to each other anymore." Her tone was cold and distant.

"I know, but we live in the same apartment building and that's a bit hard. Besides, this is important."

She rolled her eyes and indicated for him to go on.

"Don't you care what Yukio said about you?"

She frowned a little and he added, "I saw you two yesterday remember?"

She nodded.

"He called you a whore and you still slept with him?"

"Ken, I know what he called me and I don't care."

"How can you not? Don't you see them whispering? Don't you hear the things they say about you?"

"Of course I do! But why should I care, if it's the truth?"

Ken stepped back, "It's not the truth." He said quietly.

She laughed, "Yes it is Ken. I'm a slut, I'm a whore, I have loose morals-"

"NO!" he burst, "They just don't know you, not like I do, they don't know what happened to you…"

"It doesn't matter Ken, they don't care why I am like this, just that I am."

"It still doesn't give them a right to say those things about you." He muttered.

She bowed her head; "I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me, so it shouldn't bother you." It took every fiber of her being not to add, 'but I'm touched that it does.'

"You deserve better than them, Cat." He said suddenly, but his tone was not kind, it was bitter and almost arrogant.

She looked up and stared at him. "We're through Ken, get that through your head. And when I have a real man with me, don't look at me like a lost puppy, it ruins the mood." She gave another icy stare and turned on her heel to march off.

He watched her go and made a low growl in his throat.

When Cat turned the corner, she went straight to the girl's bathroom and dissolved into tears. She couldn't stop herself. They just kept coming until she was sobbing loudly, curled up on the tiled floor. Being away from Ken was torture, but forcing her self to be cold to him hurt much more. She loved him and to hurt him seemed to hurt her. 'It's for the best' she told herself but it didn't stop the tears from falling.

Suddenly Kari walked in and paused at the sight of her. Cat tried to compose herself and wipe the tears but it was no use, Kari had already seen. To Cat's surprise, Kari bent down and put an arm around Cat to comfort her.

"What's wrong Cat?"

Cat blinked and looked at the Child of Light. Kari had a look of complete understanding upon her face, even though Cat hadn't said anything to her. Cat just shook her head and pressed her face into Kari's shoulder, trying her hardest to stop crying. Kari rubbed her back and waited for her to finish.

"You miss him, don't you?"

Cat looked up and nodded.

"I don't know the full story, but I know that you broke up with him to help him. I think that's very brave of you and very self-sacrificing. Which means you must love him a lot."

Cat hiccoughed and wiped her eyes, finally having stopped crying. "Why don't you hate me like everyone else?"

"You're not a bad person, you're just misunderstood."

"I love him so much, it's so hard to get over him." She stood up as did Kari and began to wash her face. She dabbed it dry and added, "For the first time, I feel really dirty."

She turned to Kari on her way out of the bathroom and said, "Thanks for the shoulder. Please don't tell anyone about that."

Kari smiled, "Don't worry, I won't."

------

Winter break finally arrived and along with it, the news of Ken's addiction. Davis had called a meeting together and told the others about this and why he had kept it from them. The reactions from most of them were all pretty much the same, shock followed by sympathy. Yolei had gone incredibly pale and fought back tears as she rushed to the bathroom to sit on the edge of the bath and began to sob her heart out. Out of the whole group, her and Davis cared most about Ken, but Yolei loved him in another way, even though they had not gone out for a long time, she still held that feeling in her heart for him. Along with the sadness, she felt angry, angry at Cat for doing this to him.

She heard a faint knock on the door and lifted her head.

"Yolei?" it was Davis, he knocked again, "Yolei, are you alright?"

She removed her glasses to wipe her eyes and then replaced them, while getting up and walking to the door. She opened it and with an expressionless face, moved back to the group in Davis' living room.

"So what do we do?" TK asked once Yolei had sat down.

"I talked to Cat and she said that we should keep an eye on him at all times. We need to keep him busy too, it's not going to be easy." Davis sat down heavily on the coffee table in front of them.

"Especially with his parents around." Cody added.

"Yeah," Davis breathed, "I thought about that. I don't know if we should tell them or not. I mean, if we can help Ken, there won't be a need, but…"

"Why don't we take him to a rehabilitation center?" Kari asked.

"If it comes to that, then we will, but right now, I want Ken to know that we are here to help him, the people he can trust. I guess, we can't be with him all the time, at night I mean, when his parents are home, so we'll have to trust him too. Which means we'll have to talk to him about this."

They nodded and lapsed into silence for a long moment.

"I can't believe he's on cocaine." TK muttered.

"I knew something was wrong, but not this." Kari admitted.

------

As Davis had stated, helping Ken get off cocaine was not an easy task. They had talked to Ken about their distress for him and he had agreed that he wanted to stop taking the drug. So they had come to an agreement on that and were on the same side, however, the drug in question was not on their side. It wanted to keep a firm hold on Ken and it did, with no mercy. The group of Digidestined had watched Ken go from bad to worse and beyond that. Some days he was violently aggressive and angry, other days he begged and pleaded for one line of cocaine to get him through the day and the worst days were the days when he was so depressed he didn't even move. He just lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, he didn't eat, he didn't speak, and he barely breathed. Davis and Yolei watched him fearfully and removed anything sharp from the surrounding area and Davis followed him into the bathroom to keep a close eye on him, just incase he tried to take his life, as Cat had warned, he might do.

They had searched the house of any cocaine that Ken might have stashed somewhere and sent it down the drain.

When Ken's parents arrived home from work, the group left and hopped that Ken would get though another night.

As soon as they had left, Ken shuffled into his room and bent down on his hands and knees, to feel under his bed. He felt under his mattress support beams and pulled out a small sachet of cocaine. Without hesitation he snorted it as is and sat back, taking it in, though in a sad pathetic way. At that moment, Davis had entered him room, after doubling back to retrieve his forgotten jacket. He stopped dead at the sight of Ken and slammed the door shut behind him and marching straight to his best friend, sitting on the floor, he grabbed Ken by the collar, "Where else is it stashed?"

"This was the last of it!" Ken insisted and Wormmon looked on them silently, but with great fear.

"Don't lie to me!" Davis shook him hard.

"I swear it!" Ken pleaded.

Davis stared at him and dropped him to the floor, "Understand that I am doing this because I love you Ken." He turned, grabbed his jacket from the chair and walked out his room.

------

The next day Davis had told the group to take Ken to the movies to try to take him mind off the fact that he was trying to get over both the love of his life and the drug that could take his life. He had informed the group that he had caught Ken with cocaine the night before and the reason he wanted Ken out the house was so he could search the apartment thoroughly this time. When he mentioned that he had gotten Cat to help him, Yolei insisted on staying behind to help with the search. Davis, after much convincing, agreed for her to help.

They began searching, while waiting for Cat to arrive. When the knock on the door came, Davis opened it and let the woman in. She stopped when she saw Yolei.

"She wanted to help." Davis stated.

Cat shrugged, "The more the merrier." And walked straight to Ken's room. They noticed that she had dyed her hair again, this time it was a violet purple colour. "It's a safe bet to say any stash he has will be in his room and the bathroom, other places are too risky."

Both Davis and Yolei nodded and began looking around Ken's room.

Cat picked up the photo of Osamu and began to open up the frame.

"What are you doing?" Yolei almost shouted, "That's the most important photo Ken has…"

Cat pulled the back away and found a small sachet of cocaine in it. She put it on the desk and proceeded to put the frame back together again. She picked up the cocaine and handed it to Yolei, "Flush that please."

The lavender haired girl noticed the slight plead in her tone, and for the first time felt a small pang of pity for the girl, this must be hard, but as soon as the feeling came, it went and Yolei felt just as angry at the girl as before.

After an hour of searching Ken's room and finding ten sachets of cocaine, Cat moved to the bathroom. Davis followed her, she began to search through the draws, taking them out and turning them over.

Davis watched her for a while and then spoke, "Was it hard for you too?"

She looked up, "What?"

"Getting over cocaine, was it hard?" when she looked slightly puzzled he added, "Ken told me you were in Juvie."

"Oh, yeah." Cat dropped her eyes again; "It was incredibly hard. Some days I didn't want to live. But I did it after a month or two, can't remember."

"But when you got out? You started using again?"

She nodded, "I was a stupid kid, with nothing in her life, no love, no happiness, no friends, artificial euphoria was all I had. The moment I got out, I went looking for my so-called-friends to hook me up with more. Didn't take me long to get hooked again. I was stupid, I would give anything to take that back."

"Why don't you try rehab?"

She sighed, "I could, but I'm too scared to, too selfish too. I don't want to give it up yet, I can't."

Davis breathed and sat down. "I notice you haven't gone out with anyone since winter break."

She shook her head, "No one to give a show to now. I'll wait till school opens again. I wish I could move away from him to make this easier for him."

"And you." Davis finished. "You're a good person for doing this."

She scoffed and shook her head, "If I were a good person, I wouldn't have gotten Ken into this in the first place."

"True, but at least you're trying to fix it."

She shrugged and lifted the cover for the toilet, looking into the ball and lifting it and finding another packet of cocaine. She handed it to Davis, "Well, anyway, I'm leaving after graduation, don't know where to, but I've got to leave."

Davis nodded and flushed the powder down the drain.

They exited the bathroom and saw Yolei on the phone. She hung up and turned to Davis; "They're almost here."

"That's my cue to leave." Cat muttered and slipped on her shoes at the front door.

"Cat!" Yolei called suddenly.

She turned, "Yes?"

Yolei looked awkward for a moment but then she lifted her head proudly and looked directly at Cat. "I don't like you and I'm pretty sure you don't like me…but Ken…he does, I mean he loved you and for what it's worth, I think it was nice of you to help him like this. What I'm trying to say is, if Ken liked you, there must be something special about you and I don't know, maybe one day…I'll like you too."

Cat stared incredulously at Yolei. Girls generally did not like Cat and were never friendly with her, let alone friends, so this was a surprise. She hung her head ashamed, "Thanks Yolei. Look, I never ever meant to hurt him, I want you to know that…and I don't blame you if you hate me." She opened the door and stepped out into the chilly corridor.

She made her way back to her apartment when she heard voices at the other end of the corridor. Against her better judgement, she turned to look and instantly made eye contact with Ken. He looked terrible, sleep deprived, heart-broken, angry, depressed and lonely. She wanted nothing more than to run up to him, throw her arms around him and protect him from the world, but she knew she couldn't, she mustn't and she literally felt her heart break.

Ken could not take his eyes off her, even long after she had gone into her apartment; he looked in her direction. He felt a deep void inside him self and only wanted to curl up beside her and sleep the rest of his life away in her arms. But he took a deep breath and entered his apartment.

He knew that Davis and Yolei had been searching for more of his stash, but a part of him didn't care at all. "I don't want to feel like this anymore." He thought bitterly to himself and that was the moment that changed his life.

------

Winter break flew by in a whirl of chilly winds and rain and school started again before everyone was ready for it to.

Davis's attempt to help Ken get over his addiction had worked. Ken had shown an incredible strength and determination, but that by no means meant that it was easy for him to get over it. Ken had yelled, cried, moaned, gotten violent, become so apathetic he didn't move. He stopped eating for a while, threatened to kill him self and then finally tried it using a small pocketknife. Cody had caught him at it and prevented Ken from doing any serious harm to him self. Thankfully Davis, Yolei or one of the other members of the Digidestined were with him all the time. Davis had resolved to be the one to tell Ken's parents about his addiction. It was the only way to help him. They were shocked, terrified and angry when he told them the news, but they were a great help in saving Ken.

It seemed after a week, things started to get better for Ken and after two weeks, he was almost cured, but they still had a long way to go.

Now after three weeks, they were back at school and the only ones keeping an eye on Ken were his parents, but Ken had no desire to touch the white powder, ever again. He was feeling strong, calm, and even happy, although, he did suddenly suffer moments of depression.

However one thing that had not changed, was Ken's new attitude, the one Cat had brought out in him. He was not going to revert being the shy, quiet boy he once was. If someone offended him, they knew about it, if someone pissed him off, he told them and if something were on his mind, he would usually vent to Davis or Yolei about it. Davis had also noticed Ken's violent streak had not gone away either and wasn't sure what to think about it.

"So who are you taking to the dance?"

Ken turned to listen to the group of guys talking in the locker-room. He had being toweling his hair dry when he heard Yukio's voice. Davis looked up and then looked in the direction Ken was looking in. He felt trouble coming.

"I dunno yet man. Still thinking about it. You?" a tall blond replied, Ken didn't know his name.

"I'm thinking about taking Cat, you know. At least I'll be guaranteed some action at the Prom you know?"

His group of jock friends laughed and whooped appreciatively.

"Man, did you see her in gym class today? That swimming costume looked so hot on her." The blond commented.

Yukio grinned, "You should see her naked. She's got this tight little body and this wicked tattoo on her back. Oh God and her tits are sweet!"

"Stop it Yukio."

Davis looked back at Ken who was now standing.

"Ain't that right Ken? You've seen them, tell us what you think…"

"I said stop it." Ken growled.

"Why Ken? It's not like you're with her anymore. You're back together with Yolei, what do you care?"

"It's rude to disrespect a woman the way you do."

"Man, the girl asks for it and don't think she doesn't like it." Yukio turned to his friends; "See Ken's got it right, here. Cat is the kind of girl you bang until she can't walk anymore but Yolei is the kind of girl you marry, you know?"

Ken could feel the anger rising up in him like bile but he pushed it down and narrowed his eyes at them, twisting his face into a sickened expression. He knew Yukio was egging him on, looking for a fight, but Ken would not waste his time with them. "You're not worth it." He hissed and turned and walked back to his locker.

"You know," the blond started, "I think I might ask Kari, that girl has a hot little body that I'd just love to-"

The sound a fist connecting with a jaw interrupted him and made Ken turn to see what had happened. To his surprise, Davis was standing over the blond, with his hand in a fist.

"Davis!" Ken cried exasperated.

When Davis hit the blond again, he ran forward and tried to pry Davis off him and at that moment their gym coach entered the change room.

"What's going on here?"

------

"Cat, I've been looking at your recent grades and to be honest I'm really surprised at them. You're a smart girl, gifted, but recently your grades have been slipping. Now I know it's not because the classes are too difficult for you, so I must assume it's something in your personal or family life that's affecting it."

Cat tucked a stray strand of violet purple hair behind her ear and looked at her Principle.

"Your teachers and I have been talking about you and your future and we agree that you have a real shot at getting into college or University with your grades…and your test scores so far guarantee that."

Cat scoffed, "No Varsity would want me. Not with my record."

"That's not true, Cat. I've spoken to some and they are very interested in you. Cat, please, tell me what it is that's bothering you, so I can help."

Cat looked out the window. She watched a small brown bird fly up and down and then land in the tree waving in the wind.

"Look, I'm graduating soon anyway, so what does it matter? Finals are around the corner, I'll ace them and everything will be right with the world." She stood up and motioned to the door, "Can I go now?"

Her headmistress sighed and nodded, "Fine, you can go…but Cat, whatever it is, it's not worth throwing your future away for."

Cat nodded and closed the door behind her. She walked a few steps and came face to face with Davis, who was with his Gym teacher and not far behind was Ken.

She made to walk past him, but he caught her wrist and she was forced to face him.

"Look Cat, um, a bunch of us are organizing a party at Moonbeams to celebrate the end of finals next week. I hope you can make it."

She noticed he seemed calmer around her, less, 'in love', more in a friend mode, but there was something in the way he quickly let go of her wrist that made her doubt it. It was as if the touch of her skin was still in his memory and that memory reminded him of other ones.

She gave a flicker of a smile, "Thanks Ken, but, I don't think I'll be able to make it, sorry."

------

Cat lay on her bed, having discarded her guitar a few minutes earlier. Music was blaring in her room, as if she was trying to drown out the voices in her head. A week later she could still feel the touch of Ken's hand on her skin. She closed her eyes, but that was worse, because all she saw was Ken, all she could hear was them whispering to each other while they made love, all she could remember was his taste, all she could feel was his body on hers. All she could think of was how much he loved her and how much she loved him.

Finally giving in, she made a vehement sound and got off her bed and began to change her clothes. She pulled on her crimson top, black pants, black boots and let her long, purple hair fly behind her as she ran to the elevator and called for a taxi.

When one pulled up, she got in and said, "Take me to Moonbeams."

------

Ken sat at a booth in the noisy club, his arm around Yolei and Davis opposite him. TK and Kari sat down with the drinks they had ordered.

"Nice choice of club, Ken." Kari commented looking around.

"Yeah, I've heard Matt talk about it a couple of times, but I didn't know you knew about it." TK added.

"He mentioned it to me once before and last time I was here I liked it." Ken replied without thinking and took a sip of his rum and Coke.

Yolei looked at him in surprise, "When did you come here?"

"What?" he looked guiltily at her, "Oh, um, a while back, with…"

"Oh." Yolei said icily.

"Yolei," Kari jumped in, "Do you want to dance?"

Her face lit up, "Yeah! I just have to go to the bathroom first."

"I'll come with you." The brunette said, collecting her bag and getting up with Yolei.

"I'll be back soon." She said and gave Ken a kiss.

From across the room, Cat stopped dead at the sight of Yolei kissing Ken and felt her gut disappear.

"I should have known." She cursed herself mentally for being so stupid and sat down at the bar.

It wasn't long that she sat there, sipping on a Malibu and Coke, that Yukio and his friends joined her on either side.

"Hey hot-stuff." Yukio said in her ear, leaning on the bar. "You look lonely."

"I'm not in the mood tonight Yukio." She said gloomily.

"Ah, that's too bad, 'cause we were thinking of having some fun. Come on, you look like you could use it."

She looked up and saw his blond friend grinning wickedly, almost hungrily at her.

"I don't think so." She said, getting up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Yukio asked nastily.

She tried to step out of their way; "I'm leaving."

He grabbed her arm and squeezed it, "What, we aren't good enough for you anymore? You think you're special or something?" he yanked her closer to him, "You're not special, you dumb slut. You're nothing but a slut-bag-whore. When I say I want you, don't you dare say ' no' to me."

She looked up into his face and tried to yank herself free, "Fuck you!"

"Gladly." He laughed and him and his friend pushed and dragged her towards the bathrooms.

She tried to get free and tried to get someone's attention but everyone was too distracted with what they were doing, or with the lights and music. Even her yells were drowned out by the music and because it was so crowded, no one saw that she was struggling with these two guys. Or was it the fact that most people didn't think she was going with them against her will?

They forced her into the bathroom and against the basin. She yelled out and Yukio backhanded her across the face. Then the blond grabbed both her arms and held them behind her back, while Yukio forcefully kissed her on her lips and then her chest. He ripped her crimson top off her and grinned at the blond, "See what I mean? Sweet aren't they?"

His friend laughed.

Tears were falling down her cheeks, while she sobbed, "No, God, please stop!"

Then Yukio went for his belt and she kicked out and connected with his groin. "HELP ME! SOMEBODY PLEASE! HELP ME!"

"Little bitch." The blond yanked back her head, by pulling her hair and put a hand over her mouth.

In the bathroom next door, Kari looked up sharply in the direction of the air vent. "Did you hear that?"

Yolei dried her hands, "Hear what?"

"It sounded like someone was screaming."

They quickly ran out the bathroom and leaned against the guys' bathroom door, listening hard. It was difficult due to the noise and music, but they distinctly heard a woman scream. They tried to open the door, but something was blocking it.

They quickly ran back to the booth.

"So Davis, I never asked you, what did our headmaster do when she heard you caused a fight?" TK asked.

"Ah, dude, she said she would have suspended me but it's so close to graduation that there's no point. I just got two detentions, that's it."

"You were lucky…" Ken started and then looked at the girls, "What's wrong?"

"We think someone is in trouble in the boys bathroom." Yolei gasped.

They all got up and ran to the bathroom with the girls. Ken tried to push the door open but something had been pushed against it. So using is Judo skills, he kicked at it and it flew open. He froze at the sight that met him. Yukio's blond friend was behind Cat, restraining her, while Yukio gripped violently at her breasts and any part of her body he could find, while he tried to rip her pants off her. Her mascara was running down her face mingled with her tears, a whelp had formed on her cheek and she had a few other bruises.

Rage seemed to blind Ken as he ran in, along with Davis and TK and they forced the two off Cat, who cowered in a corner, and tried to cover her self. Yolei and Kari went to comfort her.

Ken showed no limits to his Judo skills while he beat up Yukio and left the blond to TK and Davis.

Finally security came and kicked them all out, leaving the girls behind.

"Are you okay?" Yolei asked Cat, as they stood up and made their way out the club. "Do you want to call the police?"

Cat shook her head; "I just want to go home."

As she exited the club and began to make her way home, she heard Ken behind her. She stopped and turned, clutching the remains of her top to her chest. Thankfully she had a jacket to cover herself with as well, but she still felt naked.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently.

She shrugged, not really knowing the answer.

"Do you want me to call you a taxi?"

She shook her head; "I want to walk."

"It's not safe…"

"It's not far."

He nodded.

A painful silence filled the air around them. He wanted to hold her and she wanted him to.

A breeze tumbled between them. It was warm, signaling that summer was on its way, but it wouldn't have made much difference if it had been icy, the effect was the same.

Ken couldn't take his eyes off her, he tried hard to make eye contact with her, but she was stubbornly avoiding looking at his face. He wanted to make it better; he wanted to heal her.

The silence around them was the most strained it had ever been.

She took a deep breath and turned again to walk home.

He opened his mouth to call her back, to say _something_, anything, but there was nothing. He watched with an aching heart, as she walked down the damp street, alone, the darkness eating at her. Her long purple hair flew behind her on the wind, bringing with it, the sent of her perfume. Finally, she reached the horizon and he couldn't see her anymore.

"Oh God." He muttered to himself and crouched down, his hands in his hair. Tears forced their way out of him and he knew he would never stop loving her.

------

Cat opened the door of her apartment and made her way to her room.

"Where have you been?"

She turned to see her father standing in the passage, the light from his room flooding the hall. He was a tall man with a head full of gray hair. He had deep brown eyes, much like Cat's.

"I was out." She muttered defiantly.

Her mother stepped into the passage now and it was clear, Cat was her daughter, though she had a wealth of blond hair. "Do you know what time it is?"

"No."

"No? What kind of an answer is that?" her father yelled.

"Look," Cat growled bitterly, "I don't want to do this now, can it wait till morning?"

"No, it cannot!" her mother shouted, "Who do you think you are? Coming and going at all hours of the night, letting your grades slip, are you using again?"

Cat turned and stared hard and incredulously at her mother and father. She shook her head, "God, it's okay if you are out all night and wake me at something like five in the morning, but if I get home after you, I'm irresponsible? What do you care anyway? It's not like you ever did care."

"That's not true." Her father argued.

"Oh please. You thought I was a lost cause the moment you found out I was doing my teacher! And then you just lost hope for me when I went to Juvie. You've never been there for me! So stop acting like you care! Am I using again mom? Yes, I've been doing it for years and you haven't even seen! You don't want to see, because then you'll have to deal with it and you don't want that!"

"Don't you dare talk to your mother like that!"

"I HATE YOU!"

She spun around, and ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Her father turned to her mother, who was crying silently and wrapped his arms around her, leading her to the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Cat took a few deep breaths, stepped into her bathroom and then into her shower, fully dressed, where she turned on the taps. She fell to the tiled floor and cried long and hard, until her soul tore. Then she undressed, dried herself and pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt. She pulled out her large gym bag and began to stuff clothes, shoes and other necessities such as money and her passport into it. She opened her draw and pulled out the picture of Ken and put it in her pocket.

She opened her door quietly and walked to the front door.

She walked down the corridor and to the elevator.

------

"I'd like to congratulate the class of 2004!"

Ken looked around at the numerous amount of students dressed in robes and tassel hats. He caught his parents' eye and they waved happily at him.

He smiled and turned back to the stage where his principle was giving their graduation speech. He was only half listening. He was searching for Cat, but she was nowhere to be seen. He hadn't had much chance of seeing her at school because of 'end-of-year-chaos' and he'd tried her apartment, but her parents weren't at home and nor, it seemed was she, unless she was just not answering the door. He had tried to look through her bedroom window, but the curtains were always closed.

Finally, graduation was over and he spotted Cat's parents in the crowd. (He only knew them from a photograph he'd seen in Cat's apartment.)

He had asked them where Cat was but they looked sadly at him.  
"She ran away two nights ago." Her mother said quietly.

"Are you a friend of hers?" her father asked.

Ken nodded distractedly. His heart had leapt into his throat and his stomach had vanished.

"Look," her father said, "if you see her, please tell her, we're sorry and we want her to come home."

Ken nodded again and turned back to the stage.

He spent the remainder of the day in his room, staring at a picture of Cat, idly turning his Crest of Kindness in his fingers while racking his brain as to where she might have gone, but there was nowhere he could think of. She was gone. He doubted he would ever see her again and his little world around him fell to the ground, along with the Crest. If he had looked down, he would have seen that the symbol on it matched the tattoo on Cat's back, only it was upside down.

* * *

(A/N)

Okay, well, that's the end of chapter two, I look forward to writing the third chapter, and the rest of the story. I want you to know that the first two chapters were originally meant to be one chapter, but it was too long and so I split it into two. They act as a prologue to the rest of the story. I'm stating that because you might think you're reading the wrong story when you read the beginning of the third chapter.

I know I did a lot of character development for Cat in this chapter, I tried very hard to focus on Ken a lot in this chapter, but her development in this chapter was crucial for the rest of the story, which revolves strongly around Ken. So bear with me and forgive me.

I should add that the line 'Slut-bag-whore' is not mine, I got it from Scream, it's Billy's line when he's talking to Sidney about her mom. It's a line that has stuck with me for a long time, 'cause it's such a harsh insult and I love the movie Scream.

Okay, the end time line might be a bit confusing because I'm not sure how it works in Japanese schools, but basically what I did her was have their final exams over one week and then their graduation. Here we usually do it in reverse, because pass or fail, you can't come back to the school. If you fail, you have to go somewhere else. So we get our results after we graduate that that's what I did here. I just had them graduate not knowing their results yet.

Also, a note, those who think I might have made a mistake there about Cat 'doing her teacher', I did not.

For some reason I really love this story, I loved writing this chapter. It was so easy and I think it's one of the saddest chapters/stories I've ever written, because in a way, it's a tragedy.

(Updated, I reloaded this chapter after reading it again of FFN and found a couple of mistakes that I didn't see, even after proofreading it four times. They were silly grammar mistakes that bugged me. Plus I hated that ruled line.)


	3. Real Bad News

"Cruel Kindness"

3. 'Real Bad News'

"I didn't get around to kiss you

Goodbye on the hand.

I with that I could see you again

I know that I can't.

I hope you can hear me,

I remember it clearly,

The day you slipped away

Is the day that I found

It won't be the same."

'Slipped Away' Avril Lavigne

Ken pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut before finally removing his glasses all together and bending over his desk to rub his forehead. A pile of photographs depicting a bloody corps lay strewn over the table in front of him.

A tall youthful looking woman with blond hair poked her head in the door. "Anything?" she said, stepping into the lab.

Ken didn't look up as she leaned over his shoulder to look at the photos.

"Nothing." He sighed deeply. "I thought if I stared long enough at them, something would hit me." Finally he faced the woman, "Is that my toxicology report?" he indicated to the paper she was holding.

She nodded and held it up, "Just finished it a few minutes ago. Came right here to give it to you."

He took it from her and studied it.

"We found trace amounts of alcohol in her blood along with a sedative, benzodiazapine."

"Benzodiazapine? Same as the other girls. Thing is, that's not your standard tranquilizer. The usual 'date-rape' drugs are Rohypnol and GHB. Why use something that he would need a prescription for?"

She shrugged, "He can get a refill whenever he needs?"

Ken made a quiet huffing sound, "It's stupid. He's been so careful and cleaver at not getting caught, leaving behind hardly any physical evidence, but he leads us to a prescription drug? Besides, the fact that benzodiazapine is a dangerous drug, which is sometimes used in extreme cases with mental patients."

"So our suspect is a mental patient?" she asked sitting down on a stool.

"Or he's a doctor."

The young woman leaned forward over the table and spread the photos in order to get a better look at them. She sighed, "She's so young, this one."

"Thirteen. She's thirteen."

"That's the youngest so far."

Ken stood up and turned to the board behind him, which had five more photos on it, each of a woman. "So far he's killed women ranging from age thirteen to thirty. He only goes after natural blondes with brown eyes."

"Rare combination, especially here in Japan." She pointed out.

"That would explain the large breaks between murders. None of the women were originally from Japan. Each was here on business or visiting. He had to wait for them to arrive in the country."

"Makes you wonder why he ever left LA, doesn't it? There he was going after girls just about every week, but he comes here and he has to wait for them?"

Ken nodded, "It is strange. There must be a reason for him coming here. We'd put out an APB on our suspect but we have nothing in which to recognize him."

"We're sure it's a male?" she asked looking at the photos.

"Almost a hundred percent. It's a sexually orientated murder, so I'd have to say the killer was male."

Ken pinched between his eyes again.

She smiled at him, "Your shift finished over an hour ago. Go home, get some sleep, be with your family for a while and then you can come back in the morning and try to figure this all out."

Ken gave her a weak smile and nodded. He removed his white coat and latex gloves and walked out the lab.

He entered the parking lot, and subconsciously looked around, over his shoulder and then got into his car. He turned on the radio and drove down the highway, the streetlights illuminating him every beat of a second.

The music played quietly in the background and it was only when the song was halfway through, Ken realized that he liked it. The voice sounded very familiar but he couldn't quite place it and it made him feel somewhat nostalgic.

"I got love and anger

They come as a pair.

You can take your chances

But buyer beware

And I won't make you feel bad

When I show you

This big ball of sad isn't

Worth even filling with air…"

He turned up the radio and before he knew it, he was pulling into the parking lot of his apartment. Feeling incredibly sleep deprived, he walked to the elevator and as it rose up, he leaned against the back wall, trying not to close his eyes, else he might fall asleep there.

The door opened and he stepped out onto the corridor, the cool night air tugging at his hair and tan trench coat. He reached his door and pushed the key into the lock. He opened the door and took off his shoes, to replace them with his slippers.

He stepped into the living room and found Yolei sitting reading a novel while his eight-year-old son, Sam sat on the floor watching television.

Yolei looked around and saw Ken standing there, a small smile on his face. She jumped up, "Ken! You're home. I kept your dinner for you in the warming draw. I hope it's okay."

His grin widened, "I love you." He said as he hugged her around the waist and gave her a kiss.

"Ah! No mushy stuff!" their son protested and Ken laughed lightly.

"Where's Takara?" he asked looking around.

"She's in her room, doing homework. She said she needed help with math or something by the way." Yolei called from the kitchen.

Ken frowned a little, "Why didn't she just ask you for help?"

Yolei looked at her husband knowingly, "I think she just wanted to bond with her papa."

Ken smiled, "Ah."

He turned and walked to her bedroom. He knocked once and said, "Takara? Can I come in?"

"Yes, papa." Was the muffled reply from the other side of the door.

He stepped into the room and found his eleven-year-old daughter sitting at her desk in front of her computer. Music was playing in the background; the artist was familiar to him. It was the same singer he'd heard in the car. **A**

He stood next to her by her desk and picked up the CD box, which was a swirling design of purple and black with the name, "Charlie Jane" on it.

"I didn't know you were into angsty girl music." He said with a hint of a laugh in his voice.

She looked up frowning and snatched the CD from him; "There's a lot you don't know, 'cause you're always working."

He pulled up her spare chair and sat down opposite her. "I'm sorry sweetheart, it's just, this case…"

"How is it going?"

Ken sighed deeply, "I'm not really sure to be honest." He stopped and listened to the music some more. "Who is she?"

"Charlie Jane? She's a singer papa."

He narrowed his eyes at her; "I know that. I mean…"

"She's been around for a few years but she's not that well known, especially here in Japan, but I think that's one of the reasons I like her so much. Plus she's really good, probably my favorite artist. You like her music?"

Ken nodded, "It sounds familiar and comforting."

Takara nodded with a smile, "I know."

Ken opened up the CD case to look through the small book.

"There's no pictures of her in there, if that's what you're looking for."

Ken flipped through it and glanced at the lyrics. "Would you mind if I borrowed this sometime?"

She shrugged, "Sure, if you come with me to the concert. She's on tour here from LA and giving a concert next week."

Ken smiled and put the CD case down again, "Sounds like a date." He paused and looked at the computer screen, "Now, your mother told me you need some help with your math homework?"

"Ah, no, I lied. I just wanted to talk to you. You know, like we used to."

He nodded and grinned at her. She was tall for her age, much like he was when he was eleven. Her eyes were bright blue and her hair was the same colour as his, reaching between her shoulder blades. She wore reading glasses at this moment and looked remarkably like her mother. Ken knew she would be a heart breaker some day.

She joined her father in the living area, while he ate his dinner at the table. When he was done, she cleared his plates away and began to rinse them. He joined her a short while later, along with Yolei who had just put Sam to bed.

Takara was washing, while Ken dried, but just as he got to the last plate, his cell phone rang. He dried his hands and answered it.

"Hello…Yes…already? Are you sure?" Ken paused, the furrow on his brow got steadily deeper. "All right, I'll be there as soon as I can."

He turned to Yolei but she already knew. "Another one?"

He nodded, kissed her on the cheek and then hugged his daughter goodnight. He looked at Yolei before going to the door, "I'll try not to wake you when I get home."

She nodded and watched her husband leave to go do his job.

------

Ken got out his car, put on his latex gloves and picked up his box of necessities for his job. He avoided the cop cars and police and stepped under the yellow tape, depicting the words, 'Crime Scene Investigation. Do Not Cross.'

"Aneko." He called to the tall blond, his partner on the case. She turned, waved, then bent down to another colleague of theirs, a male with spiky red hair who was taking photographs of the crime scene and body. She walked over to Ken.  
"What have we got?"

"Same as usual." She stated.

Ken looked at her, "Two in two nights? That's new for him."

"I guess he stalks them simultaneously when he gets the chance." She replied bitterly.

The crime scene was in an alley way, a short walk from a near-by club. Ken knew the area well. The near-by club used to be 'Moonbeams' but that was fourteen years ago. Now the club was still a club, but the name changed every so often.

"Blond, brown eyes, naked, strangled and pretty much gutted."

Ken bent down to look at the body. The woman appeared to be in her late twenties, early thirties. She lay neatly on the tar of the alley. Her eyes were closed and if it had not being for the fact that she had severe bruising around her neck and knife wounds to her lower torso, she would have appeared to be sleeping.

He looked closely at her eyes, lifting the lids of each and frowned.

"Something wrong?" Aneko asked, bending down too.

"Cause of death was strangulation with all the others."

"And it wasn't with her?"

"Look at her eyes. All the others had Petechial Hemorrhaging on the inner surface of the eyelids, but it's absent on her."

"Which means she didn't die from being strangled, she died from blood loss?"

They looked at the stab wounds.

"Six stabs, as usual." Ken murmured, "She bled out before he strangled her." He looked around; "There's not enough blood here."

"He killed her somewhere else, dumped the body here, then what? Strangled her? Why strangle someone who's already dead?"

"To make sure I guess."

"Sick bastard." She muttered.

"Got a time of death for me?" he asked looking up.

"Not sure yet, but she couldn't have been here more than two, three hours, rigamortis hasn't set in yet and this is a busy alley."

Ken stood up and looked around. "There's no pattern to this guy. He doesn't work in a hot spot. Not even in LA. He goes to them, doesn't wait for them to come to him."

"Well, no he can't afford to, not if he's only going after blonds with brown eyes."

Ken looked around, then found what he was looking for. A trail of blood lead from the woman to the edge of the alley.

"Cast off trails." Aneko noted, "You were right, she bled out."

"The trail stops here, which means she was transported here. This is our second crime scene. Now all we have to do, is find our primary one."

"Can you say 'needle-in-a-haystack'?"

"Maybe not." Ken leaned forward.

"What do you see?"

"Tire track, in her blood." Ken stood up, turned and called to the photographer.

"What is it Ichijouji?" the young man asked.

Ken pointed.

"Tire tracks! He's getting sloppy." He commented and began taking pictures of the tracks.

"Good news for us, bad news for him."

------

"What have you got for me?" Ken asked as he stepped into the morgue.

A man a little older than Ken in a white lab coat stepped closer to the table, where the young woman was lying.

"Time of death was approximately nine-thirty, so I'm guessing she was in that alley for about an hour or so before someone found her."

"No identification?"

The mortician shook his head, "Jane Doe for now." He uncovered the body, "You were right. The bruises around her neck were made post mortem."

Ken frowned, "Do you think we have a copy-cat?"

He shook his head; "All the other girls died due to asphyxiation, but the stab wounds would have been enough to do it. Like you said, he was just making sure they were dead. This girl did it in a different order. She died due to the stab wounds, he might have realized it, but strangled her anyway."

"To stick with his MO." Ken nodded. "He buys them a drink, laces it with a sedative, Xanax or something similar, they get drowsy, he takes them to wherever it is he stabs them, then strangles her with a wire and dumps her. None of them raped, nothing."

"What are you thinking?"

Ken narrowed his eyes and stared at the body, as if he were reading answers off her. "I'm trying to figure this guy out. He kills females age thirteen to thirty. Always blonds with brown eyes. Each of them have traces of alcohol and benzodiazapine in their blood, even the underage ones. Six stab wounds, strangulation and naked. Yet, he doesn't touch them. I'm starting to think it's not a sexually orientated crime after all. The nakedness could be ritualistic, more than anything else. None of them have identification. As if he's trying to say, 'it doesn't matter who she is'."

"But, he goes after specific women, there has to be some link."

Ken sighed deeply, "Wish I knew what it was." Ken picked up a folder on the table next to the body, "This her fingerprints and DNA?"

The mortician nodded.

"I'm going to run a few tests, see if we can find her an identification." Ken left the room with the folder, feeling incredibly heavy.

------

Aneko stepped into the lab once again, where Ken was sitting, his head in his hands.

"Ken." She said gently, "Go home. There's nothing else you can do right now. We'll have the results in the morning. You've been here for hours and you look like hell. Go get some sleep."

"What about you?" he asked looking up.

"I'm just about to head out myself."

He nodded, took off his white coat to replace it with his tan trench coat.

------

On the way home, Ken drove passed the crime scene, with no intention of looking at the alley. He was more interested in the club. He parked his car outside it and knowing full well that the detective over-looking the case had already done this, he entered the club and headed to the bar to talk to the barmen. To his slight surprise, it was a woman behind the bar. She had long red hair and deep brown eyes. She smiled kindly at him, the noise of the club was so loud, he had to shout across to her.  
"The detective already asked me a bunch of questions." She replied.

From what Ken could hear of her voice, she had an accent, so she obviously wasn't from Japan originally.

"I know, but I was just wondering if you could answer some more?"

She shrugged, "Sure."

"Did you notice a couple here at the bar, or anywhere in the club? The woman was blond with brown eyes."

"Look, I'll tell you what I told the detective. I see a lot of people every night. But yeah, I think I might have seen her."

"Did you see who was with her?"

"Quite a good looking guy, I think. I can't really remember. Sorry."

Ken nodded sadly and left the bar.

Something made him turn his head and look in the direction of the bathrooms. He narrowed his eyes as he stared at the door to the men's bathroom.

"HELP ME! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

The scene played over in his head like it was yesterday. His feeling of complete loss of control, letting the anger take over, letting the Emperor take over.

He walked outside and stood in the exact same spot he had done that night.

"I want to walk."

"It's not safe…"

"It's not far."

Fourteen years. Fourteen years since he had last seen her, walking away from this very spot. The cold air whipped at his hair and coat. After all these years, it still made him feel empty inside. There was a space missing inside him, something Yolei and Sam and Takara could never fill. He loved his wife and children with all his heart and he would always love them, but there would always be a place in his heart for Catrina Harris. She was his first after all, his first in every sense of the word.

He often wandered what had happened to her. Was she dead in a gutter somewhere? Was she married? Was she happy? He just wished he knew, then maybe he could move on.

Breathing deeply, he turned and got back into his car.

As he entered his apartment, he took off his shoes and put on his slippers. He was too wide-awake to go to bed; he would only disturb Yolei, so he went to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of milk and put it in the microwave to warm it up. He sat down at the counter and pulled out his Crest of Kindness from his pocket and started twiddling it between his fingers like he always did when he was deep in thought.

"And where did she get the design for her tattoo?" he asked aloud.

"What Ken?"

He looked down to see a very sleepy looking Wormmon.

"Hey buddy. Did I wake you?"

"Not really, I was waiting for you. Yolei was too, but she fell asleep."

Ken nodded and picked Wormmon up and put him on the counter.

"You still think about her don't you?"

"Who?"

"Cat."

Ken stared at his friend and then nodded silently.

He put his head in his hands and stayed like that for a long while, taking a few moments in between to drink his milk. Then, finally feeling sleepy, he went to the bathroom, had a quick shower and quietly slipped into bed next to Yolei, who was fast asleep. He rolled onto his side and slipped his arm around his wife's waist and fell off to sleep with her.

------

"Morning." Ken heard whispered in his ear and then felt Yolei's soft palm brush over his hair and then his cheek.

He turned over to face her, "Morning." He said with a smile and gave her a quick kiss.  
"What time did you get home?" she asked as he sat up.

"Not sure. One, two o' clock maybe." He tossed the covers aside and walked to the on-suit-bathroom.

"You're going into work this morning aren't you?" she called to him from the bed.

"I have to."

"Ken, it's Saturday." She reasoned.

"I know it's Saturday, Yolei, but I have to work on this case."

"Just don't miss Sam's first soccer match. He's been looking forward to you seeing him play for weeks."

Ken re-entered the bedroom.

"I won't miss it, I swear."

She gave him a sly, disbelieving grin and he leaned over the bed to kiss it off her face. "I'll be there."

"You know," she started, "Takara is sleeping over at a friend's house and Sam is spending the night at one of his team-mate's house tomorrow night…" the corner of her mouth lifted, "So I was thinking we could…" she trailed her hand up and down his bare chest and then lay down on her pillow with her arm over her head.

He laughed lightly and smiled at her, "It's a date."

------

"Makoto," Ken said quickly as he entered the lab, "what have you got for me?"

The spiky haired photographer from last night stood up and handed Ken a piece of paper; "We got a match on the tracks. They belong to a van that was reported stolen a month ago. The cops found it this morning, abandoned in pretty much the middle of nowhere."

"Okay, team, looks like we're going on a field trip."

Ken's forensic team followed him to the van and they drove to the sight where the van was abandoned. They cautiously opened the back, only to find it sparkling clean.

"Guy did a good job of cleaning it up." Aneko commented.

"To the naked eye." Ken replied.

They spent a good half-hour spraying the van with a chemical, which causes blood to show up where it's been, even after it's been cleaned away. Not to Ken's surprise, when they closed the doors of the van the entire floor and most of the walls glowed a pale green/yellow, indicating blood.

"Team." Ken announced, "We found our primary crime scene."

They spent the rest of the morning collecting DNA wherever possible, fibers and any other trace evidence they could find.

"Guy's getting sloppy." Aneko voiced suddenly.

Makoto turned to her, "What?"

"Well, I mean, for months and months, this guy has been untraceable, a complete shadow and now, he leaves this van here where he knows we'll find it."

"Maybe he wants to be caught?" Ken replied.

"What makes you say that?" Makoto asked.

"Most serial killers want to be caught," Ken sighed, "it's like a game to them. They're sick and they know it, and all at the same time, they want to get caught and want to get away with it. He wants to be stopped because he can't stop himself."

"How do you know?"

"Trust me on this one."

------

Back at the lab, Ken spent the rest of his morning sorting through the collected evidence, while Aneko and Makoto were having it analyzed. He kept glancing at his wristwatch, checking on how much time he still had before he had to leave for his son's soccer match. He was just considering leaving when Toshiro, the mortician entered.

"Ken," he said, a note of urgency in his voice, "do you have a moment?"

Ken looked up and was about to say he needed to go, but something from the look on Toshiro's face caused that thought to vanish.

"What is it?"

"Our recent victim."

"What about her?"

"Come down to the lab and I'll show you."

Ken followed Toshiro down the passage, passed the numerous labs and offices, past the interrogation rooms, down the stairs and finally into the morgue.

Toshiro opened the steal door and pulled out the table on which the body of their recent victim was lying. Her skin was a pale gray colour now. Her lips were a purple/blue.

He pulled back the cover so Ken could see the stab wounds. He frowned and then looked at Toshiro.

"What?"

"Count them."

Ken spent a few seconds counting the stab wounds and then gasped and looked up shocked at Toshiro.

"Seven. Not six."

"I thought it was strange, since all of them had six stab wounds, but this one has seven. The thing is about the seventh stab wound is, it's at a peculiar angle to the wound next to it."

Ken studied it and saw that it was parallel to a stab wound, almost identical.

"These two, next to each other, they look more like puncture wounds."

"That's what I thought."

"What do you think caused them?"

Toshiro shrugged, "Not really sure. The angles on all the stab wounds have been the same, so he's using the same object, even with those two wounds. The only difference with those two is that they are slightly narrower than the others are. Do you think maybe he slipped up and miscounted?"

Ken narrowed his eyes and shook his head; "I don't think so. He's starting to leave clues now. Maybe the seventh stab wound wasn't intentional, but he's getting sloppy these days."

Ken left the morgue with more on his mind to think about. He walked back to the lab, collected some photographs of the recent victim, put them in his briefcase, intending to study them at home and left for his son's soccer match. He glanced down at his watch and felt his stomach sink; he was late.

------

Yolei looked down at her watch and sighed. The second half of Sam's soccer match was about to start and Ken was nowhere in sight. Takara was sitting on the seats, looking a little bored, but waved happily to her brother when he looked over at the stands.

Finally Yolei saw Ken running from the parking lot over to the stands. He climbed up and sat down next to his wife.

"I know." He gasped, "I'm sorry. How much did I miss?"

"The first half, but no one's scored yet, so don't worry." She said kissing him hello. "What took you?"

"Don't worry, I'll tell you later at home."

She nodded and looked back at the game, which had just started again. Sam had spotted his father in the stands and looked much happier as he waved enthusiastically. Ken stood up and waved at his son, a large grin on his face.

The game, though consisting of mostly eight and nine year olds was actually quite exciting. The ball went from one side of the field to the other so many times, it was almost like watching a tennis match. Sam's team had a fantastic goalkeeper, who managed to block all the shots aimed at the net. Then, finally, Sam got hold of the ball and with much screaming and cheering from his family, even Takara, he kicked the black and white ball with such force, it flew threw the air, past the goalies hands and hit the back of the net. Everyone jumped up and down and cheered, but the game was not over yet.

Ken wasn't sure if it was his presence there, but he noticed that Sam was playing with a great deal of passion and determination. As if to confirm his thoughts, Yolei leaned over and informed him that Sam was playing much better in this half.

Ken grinned to himself.

Then with only a minute to the end of the match, the other teams' Striker was going in for a goal. Sam saw this and using quick reflexes and the moves his father had shown him, he went in for a sliding tackle. The Striker tripped and the ball went in the wrong direction. The whistle blew and the game was over. Sam's team had won!

Ken thought Yolei might scream herself hoarse, but he smiled widely at his wife's beaming face as she threw her arms around him and then rushed to do the same to her son.

"Did you see Papa? Did you see?" Sam jumped up and down in front of his father.

Ken bent down and lifted his son onto his shoulders, "I saw. Davis will be very proud when I tell him about your sliding tackle."

"Okay, I think ice-cream is in order." Yolei commented happily.

------

Ken sat busily at the table that evening, focusing his attention on the photographs of the recent victim. Sam was sitting with his sister in front of the television and they were cutting and gluing pieces of paper and pictures into a book. It was a school project Sam was working on and Takara was helping him.

Ken looked over at them and marveled at the scene for a moment. Takara was Sam's older sister. She was wiser and smarter than Sam was, but then, she was after all, older. She was kind and gentle, but occasionally headstrong and cruel. Ken had seen a little of himself and Osamu in her, but he also saw a lot of Yolei in her. Sam reminded him of himself when he was eight years old. A bright child, but also kind and naïve. He was grateful that Takara was very patient with Sam at times, when she was busy or studying.

He turned back to the photos in front of him. He tried to make sure they could not see the pictures he was looking at, because he knew they would greatly disturb them. Sometimes, they disturbed him and he was thirty-two years old.

He took a deep breath and frowned at the photo focusing on the stab wounds. How could he have missed it? There they were, plain as day, seven stab wounds, not six. But then, he reasoned, he'd seen five girls with six stab wounds, not seven. He just assumed there were six. He huffed at himself. What else had he assumed with this case? Has he missed other small clues? Was that the idea of this killer? To make them believe one thing and then change the rules all of a sudden?

Something flickered in the corner of his eye. He turned to see Takara holding up a pair of scissors and cutting carefully along a line. The scissors were catching the light of the lamp and reflecting it towards Ken. He frowned deeply at the scissors and the way they opened and closed. How the two blades came together to make one blade. Narrow at the tip and widening towards the handle. Much like the stab wounds. Takara opened the blades again and it struck Ken.

"Scissors." He said aloud.

Takara and Sam paused and turned to their father.

Ken got up and walked over to them.

"Takara, can I borrow those?"

She looked a little blank at her father but handed them over, "Sure."

He took them and studied every inch of them. Then he walked to the kitchen and looked around for something. He spotted the fruit bowl and picked up an apple. Then he plunged the tip of the scissors into the shiny green flesh.

Yolei walked into the kitchen suddenly and stopped dead at her husband's odd behavior, though she was getting used to this sort of thing.

"What are you doing, Ken?"

"An experiment." He said absently and proceeded to open the blades and then stab the apple again.

He pulled out the scissors and studied the apple. Then he went to the table and compared the punctures. They were very similar.

------

"Scissors?" Aneko questioned the next morning when Ken enlightened them.

"Scissors." He stated.

Makoto raised his eyebrow, "That explains the seventh stab wound. The blade could have opened accidentally just before he stabbed her."

Aneko nodded, "Okay, but why scissors? I mean of all the weapons to stab someone with? Scissors are the type of weapon used in a crime of passion. You know, the person flips out, grabs something sharp, an envelope opener or a pair of scissors and stabs the person, once or twice, but to use it as a weapon in a chain of murders? It's strange."

"I'm not arguing with you there Aneko, it is peculiar. But it does fit with my 'ritualistic' theory. It's like he's re-enacting something."

"What makes you say that?" Makoto inquired.

"I'm not really sure, just a hunch you could say." Ken confessed.

------

"What are you thinking?"

Ken rolled onto his side to look at the woman next to him. She was playing with his long dark hair, letting her fingers run through it. He loved it when she did this; it made him feel warm and relaxed.

As he turned, he looked into her deep brown eyes and brushed away some of her brown and red hair.

"I was just wondering what I should do after I graduate." Ken confessed.

Cat smiled at him, "I'm sure you'll think of something. You're smart."

"What do you want to do?" he asked gently after a pause.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, giving her time to think of an answer.

"You'll scoff." She finally said.

Ken sat up and rested against the headboard of her bed, then folded his arms, "I swear I won't laugh."

She narrowed her eyes at him with a disbelieving look but knew that he would keep his word.

"I want to be a singer…"

Ken smiled at her despite himself. She frowned at him, "You said you wouldn't laugh."

His grin widened, "I'm not laughing, I think it's cool. No seriously, that's great. You have a beautiful voice and your lyrics are really touching and real. I think you have a really good chance."

She blushed slightly and smiled at him, "Thanks, Ken."

She lay down on her pillow, her arm under her head and looked up at him as she asked, "So, do you have any ideas what you want to do?"

He shrugged, "I want to be a detective in forensics. You know, crime scene investigation."

She looked amazed for a moment, "Really? What made you decide on that?"

Ken turned away from her and stared out the glass sliding door to look at the setting sun. Then he moved to the edge of the bed, his back to her.

"I guess, I just wish I knew how Osamu died you know? It was a hit and run, but I don't think they ever caught the guy. If they'd had someone investigate the scene, I'm sure they would have found something."

She looked up at him, feeling useless to make him feel better. So saying nothing, she put her hand on his and gently squeezed it, letting him know that she was there for him.

"You really miss him don't you?" she finally whispered.

He nodded, still with his face away from her. She sat up and moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and putting her face in the dip between his shoulders and neck. She began kissing him there and then breathed in his ear; "It's okay."

She could feel him quivering, shaking, holding it all inside.

"Let it go."

"It's my fault." He finally sobbed, though no tears fell from his eyes. "I wished him gone! If only I wasn't so jealous and selfish, none of it would have happened!"

"His death was a tragic accident Ken, there was nothing you could have done. And people say things and they shout things, but they never really mean them. You loved your brother so much; it couldn't have equaled to the amount of hate you had for him. Your wish meant nothing to the universe…it was just his time and your time to grow and mess up and become the person you are and the person you will be."

She felt him shudder again and when she looked at his face, slow tears were crawling down his pale cheeks. She moved in front of him, so she was sitting with her legs around his waist and kissed the tears away.

"You are the strongest person I have ever met, Ken, so don't ever mistake tears for weakness."

The memories and morning faded into the afternoon, which swiftly fell into dusk.

Ken had been sitting at his table in the lab. He was looking at an old photograph; one Kari had taken fourteen years ago. He wasn't quite sure what had made him pull it out of his desk draw, but he had and he was remembering one of his favorite memories of Cat.

His thoughts were interrupted when Aneko entered the lab, where she found Ken going over the evidence again.

"Dental records are in." she announced. "Our victim is Jennifer Macintosh from Manhattan, New York, age thirty-two. She was head of an advertising company. She was here on business."

When she hardly got a reaction out of him, she sat down opposite him and tucked some of her short blond hair behind her ear.

"What are you thinking?"

He looked up sharply and stared at Aneko for a moment, then he glanced down at the photographs and regained his composure; "None of these women had anything in common, except the fact that they are all natural blonds with brown eyes. That's it." He huffed and sat back in his chair, "Lucky you have blue eyes."

She chuckled and shrugged, "I'm not a real blond either."

"I don't understand it. He targets blond women with brown eyes, age thirteen to thirty-two, doesn't matter what their occupation is, who they are, nothing. He watches them, learns their habits…"

"Bearing in mind he has a limited amount of time to do so."

"Exactly. With the older women, he charms them, gets them to a bar, or takes them out for a drink. In the case of Ashley, the thirteen-year-old victim, he watched her and then kidnapped her…"

"Forced her to drink the alcohol which was laced with the sedative…"

"So for the older women, he makes contact with them. Gets friendly maybe even seduces them. I'd say he worked at the hotel they were staying at, but not even their hotels are something they have in common. There must be some way he's…" Ken's eyes widened and he pinched his nose between his eyes. "Of course!"

"What?"

"The airport! He must be an employee at the airport! How else will he know when a blond woman with brown eyes has come into the country?"

Ken stood up swiftly as if to walk out the lab and contact the detective to inform him of this lead, but as his knees straightened, the blood rushed from his head, causing white spots to explode in front of his eyes. He sat down quickly on his chair again and as Aneko looked closely at him, he saw the edges of his vision go blurry and then finally black.

He moaned and rested his head on his desk for a minute.

"Ken!" Aneko said alarmed.

"I'm…I'm okay." He slurred; his face was still a bit numb.

"Ken…you haven't slept properly in over a month…you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm fine." He insisted and lifted his head.

"No you're not. This is the 'Ino' case all over again." She stood up, walked to the coat stand in the lab where Ken's coat was hanging and picked it up.

"Right," she began, "you're going to go home to your wife and get some sleep! Don't even think about coming back here unless you've had a good night's sleep, because quite frankly Ken, you're useless to us when you're in this kind of condition." She frowned at him but the upturned corner of her mouth let Ken know she was being harsh to him for his own good.

He took a deep breath and exhaled as he stood up slowly and took his coat from her. "Yes, ma'am."

He made to walk out but turned back.

"I will inform the detective about the airport." She cut him off before he could start and he just shook his head and smiled as he walked to the parking lot.

------

Ken stepped into his apartment just as he remembered that Sam and Takara were spending the night at a friend's house and Yolei had made tonight a date for the two of them. He glanced down at his watch and saw that he was home in time to make it look like he had remembered all along. He put down his briefcase and took off his shoes in order to replace them with his slippers.

He walked down the entrance hall and paused when he saw Yolei setting the table for the two of them.

Her lavender hair was tied up in a twist, which had a few stands hanging loose around her face. She was wearing her contacts obviously because her glasses were absent and she wore a pretty rose pink dress, which fell to just over her knees. Her feet were bare, since she was probably running back and forth from the kitchen to the dinning area and the slippers slowed her down.

Ken smiled widely at her. The woman he loved. The mother of his children. His wife. She was beautiful, even if she was wearing sweatpants and a dirty T-shirt.

She turned to head to the kitchen and as she looked up, she spotted Ken.

"I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

Without a word, he walked forward and brushed a strand of hair away from her face as he rested his hand on her cheek. "You're beautiful."

She flushed and put her hand on his hand, "Thank you Ken." She said quietly and made to move to the kitchen.

He followed her and as she checked on dinner, she looked back at him, "You're pale. Are you all right?"

He shrugged, "It's just stress."

She turned sharply to him; "Did you pass out again?"

"Yolei," he began exasperated, "I didn't pass out, it was just a dizzy spell."

"Okay, that's it…" she put a lid on one of the pots, "this date is postponed until you are well. Now, you get into bed and…"

He smirked, "And?"

"No, I mean it Ken. You need rest and sleep and…"

He silenced her with a kiss and she seemed taken aback. "I love you." He whispered.

She looked into his eyes and frowned slightly, "Ken, what's gotten into you?"

"You." And in a second, he picked her up into his arms and walked to the bedroom.

She looked concerned at him, "Are you sure you're feeling well enough…?"

He nodded and placed her gently onto the bed. She smiled and put her hands on his face, kissing him.

He slowly unzipped the back of her dress and removed it from her body, while she unbuttoned his white shirt and slipped it off his shoulders.

He pulled the chopsticks holding her hair up, out and it fell around her to her shoulders.

He kissed her again and caressed her arm as she lay down on the bed and he leaned over her.

------

Ken lay awake for a while, stroking Yolei's arm as she lay on her side, staring at him. "I love you." She mouthed and he smiled. Then she rolled over and off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Ken asked as she put on her dressing gown.

"To take dinner off the stove." She chuckled, "I think it's ruined by now."

Ken laughed with her and lay back down on his pillow.

"Get some sleep Ken," she added on her way out; "I'll join you soon."

Ken nodded and before he could even register just how tired he really was, he had fallen asleep.

------

"Are you going in today?"

Ken turned to face Yolei, "Aneko said I shouldn't go back until I had had a good night sleep. I certainly got that last night, so…"

"But it's…."

"Just because the kids are on holiday right now, doesn't mean I am." He laughed lightly.

"Ken, it's just, you're exhausted, you could really use the day off."

He sat up; "I can't Yolei."

"This one is getting to you isn't it?"

Ken put his head in his hands and pressed his palms into his eyes. "Yes."

She looked down, "Then you should go."

They sat in silence for a while, still, unmoving, until finally Ken stood up and began to get ready for the day ahead.

He ate breakfast with Yolei and then drove to the station.

When he got there however, Aneko rushed to meet him at the front desk. She seemed excited for some reason. He frowned deeply at her and asked her what was going on.

"Charlie Jane is here." She said breathlessly, "For some reason she's here to see you Ken. She's sitting in your office."

Ken's frown increased, "What? Why would a singer be here to see me?"

"Apparently she said she has info on the case, which might make some sense."

Ken shook his head, closed his eyes for a second and then looked at Aneko again, "Why?"

"Well, she has blond hair and brown eyes, maybe the killer has targeted her and she can identify him."

Ken's mouth opened slightly and he felt a wave of excitement. This could be just what they needed to catch this guy and put him away forever.

He marched passed Aneko and toward his office.

He opened the door and saw the woman sitting at his desk, her back to him, her blond hair reaching between her shoulder blades.

He walked around to the other side of his desk and made to greet her, but he froze at the sight of her.

She was fourteen years older now, her hair was blond, but her brown eyes were exactly how he remembered them. There was no doubt; the woman sitting opposite him was Catrina Harris.

------

(A/N)

Okay, I just know I'm going to be pelted with stuff from reviewers. I just had to end it like that! I am mean. I hope you all still enjoy the story, and the forensics stuff doesn't put you off. It was a bit heavy in this chapter, but I needed everyone to get a good look at the life Ken leads now. This is his job and sometimes it takes over. I wanted you to see the relationship between Yolei and Ken and how his work might effect it and put strain on it. With this story, there is a lot of reading between the lines. There are tones and things that I have not spelt out, but which you might get a sense of. I've done that for a reason, you'll get it later.

Anyway, the next chapter is going to be awesome for some obvious reasons.

I hope you are enjoying it and hopefully I'll get the next chapter out soon.

I should add, those song lyrics are from Aimee Mann 'Real Bad News' taken off her 'Lost in Space' album. I'm going to be doing a lot of reference to Aimee Mann's songs from this chapter onwards (you'll see why later), so if anyone knows her and has the album, I suggest you listen to it while you read, because it sets the mood in some places.

Also, I used a lot of Avril Lavigne's stuff, off her new album "Under my skin", and that also sets the mood.

Now for references: the apple idea came from an episode of CSI (not sure which one). However, the scissors were always there, way before I saw that episode. I just liked the idea oh how they figured out the murder weapon was a pair of scissors.

I was going to give you the links to the sites I used for research, but it seems the links won't show up. So never mind then.


	4. Moth to the Flame

"Cruel Kindness"

(AN: I don't usually do this, but I'm going to recomend some music for this chapter. For Cat's first flashback, I suggest anything loud, angry and heavy metal or rock. The first Matrix OST worked for me. Then later on anything kind of sad, or haunting. The song 'Wonder' by Megan McCauley (off Elektra OST) if you have it, you'll know where to play it. And obviously anything by Aimee Mann, particularly, 'The Moth'.)

4. 'Moth to the flame'

_"The moth don't care when he sees the flame_

_He might get burned, but he's in the game_

_And once he's in, he can't go back_

_He'll beat his wings 'til he burns them black._

_No, the moth don't care when he sees the flame_

_No, the moth don't care when he sees the flame."_

_'The Moth' Aimee Mann_

Ken stared. Time had stopped. He stood for a solid minute, his mouth slightly open, his eyes disbelieving. His brain had shut down for a moment. He studied her. Her big, deep brown eyes, the black eyeliner around them, her long black eyelashes, and the shape of her eyebrows. He moved to her cute, upturned nose, then her lips, her soft, pink pouty lips. Her hair was all the way passed her shoulder blades, blond. She looked almost the same.

Finally his brain seemed to kick into gear again. His wave of shock was steadily morphing into anger. Fourteen years she'd been alive and never let Ken know she was okay, but now she decided to walk back into his life and she thought this would be okay?

She looked up into his face and said quietly, "Hello Ken."

He narrowed his eyes, marched to his door, shut it with a little more force than he had intended and marched back around his desk.

"You're angry." She stated.

He looked incredulously at her, "Fourteen years, Cat. It's been fourteen years and all you can say is, 'Hello Ken'?"

"What am I supposed to say?" she asked with a bite of exasperation.

Ken paused, not knowing the answer to that, because he had no idea what to say to her either. He had spent years dreaming of this day, thinking of all the things he wanted to ask her and tell her, but now that she was here, sitting in front of him, he was speechless.

Sighing heavily, he resigned to sitting down at his desk.

He wanted to ask her where she had been, what she had been doing, how she was, but the anger inside muted those questions. There was a long silence between them before he finally spoke.

"Aneko said you had information on the case for me." His tone was formal with a bite of iciness to it.

She crossed her legs and Ken was thankful that she was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans.

"So that's it, is it? You're just going to leap into formalities?"

"What am I supposed to say?" The question escaped him before he'd even thought about it and he closed his eyes when he realized what he had just said.

She smirked for a second before rearranging her face to look neutral.

Another minute of solid silence rolled by before she finally glanced at the photos on his desk.

"You married Yolei." She stated.

He nodded and absently played with his wedding band.

"That's good." She added. "Your kids are beautiful."

Ken nodded again.

"Your daughter," she began, "she's going to be a heartbreaker."

Ken looked up sharply and then smiled despite himself. They still thought the same.

"Look Ken," she sighed deeply, "I didn't come here to hurt you. It would have been better that I didn't come at all, but I needed you. You're the only person I trust and I need your help."

Ken leaned forward, feeling a surge of anger at her, but when he looked into her deep eyes, that feeling was instantly replaced with concern. She looked scared and he had never really seen her scared.

"What is it?" he asked.

She hesitated for a moment.

"Cat, I can't help you unless you tell me what the problem is."

"Ken, do you remember that day I told you about…about why I can't fall pregnant."

Ken leaned back in his chair, "How could I forget that day Cat?"

She nodded, "Of course. It was your first time." A nostalgic expression passed over her face before she looked back at him and continued. "Look, Ken, I told you that a teacher made an advance on me when I was thirteen and when I refused him and screamed, he stabbed me with a pair of scissors."

Ken nodded, "I remember…"

"Well, I lied, Ken."

He frowned, "Pardon?"

"I lied to you. Well, not really, but I wasn't completely honest with you."

"What are you talking about Cat?"

She looked away from him and he noticed as she spoke, she avoided looking at his eyes. She looked down at her hands, her feet, the door, the window, everywhere except at him.

"When I was thirteen, that teacher and I had an affair for six months. He was recently married with a baby. I think the baby was a year old when he and his wife were having problems and he came to me. I was stupid Ken. I couldn't believe the hottest teacher that all the girls were swooning over, was interested in me. Quiet, shy, innocent Catrina Harris. I was flattered and when he started getting serious with me I started falling for him and I said 'yes' to him. We slept together often, me thinking he was in love with me and that he was going to leave his wife and all that stupid crap. Then six months down the line, I fell…" she took a deep breath and tried to push away the lump in her throat, "I fell pregnant with his baby. Even though I was thirteen, I wanted to have it. I was in love with him and I was so happy and I thought he would be happy too…but he wasn't. When I told him, he told me I had to get an abortion. I couldn't understand why he was being so mean to me. I told him I wouldn't get one and he freaked out. He threatened me, said he would loose everything if this affair got out and that I was being selfish. I started crying and asking him if he ever loved me and he told me, "No, you dumb slut, this wasn't about love, it was about sex". So we argued and I tried to run away, threatening to tell his wife and the school board and he grabbed a pair of scissors and started stabbing me. I blacked out and when I came to, I was in the hospital. I'd lost the baby obviously. I had to tell the police what had happened and then everyone found out what happened and…well long story short, he got sent to a State Penitentiary after pleading 'temporary insanity'."

Finally, she looked up into his face; "Now he's out Ken. He got out last year. Then…after I got the call telling me he had being released, I got this in the mail."

She placed an envelope on the desk. Ken picked it up and opened it. He pulled out two photographs and a letter. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened.

She nodded, "I got the same thing for every victim and every note said it would be my turn soon. He's fucking with me Ken. He blames me for his messed up life and now he's going after every natural blond with brown eyes he can find and saying it's my fault."

Ken looked up over the letter at her. "Let me guess, he stabbed you six times."

She nodded.

A long silence followed while Ken digested the information.

"When did you start dying your hair?" he asked suddenly.

She shrugged, "Not long after I got out of the hospital. I sort of did a one-eighty with my image after that. Why?"

"No reason, I just never really thought of you as blond."

A flicker of a wicked grin showed on her face, "Come on Ken, you and I both know that I'm a natural blond."

He laughed and shook his head at her, she hadn't changed much.

"So that explains why he came to Japan, then." Ken commented after a moment. "He followed you."

He frowned, "No, that's not right, he was here before you arrived."

"He found out about the tour, obviously, it was advertised everywhere. He just got here before I did, got a head start I guess."

She dropped her eyes to the floor again and Ken watched her for a moment. He had only ever seen her this vulnerable twice in his life. Once when they had made love and again when she had almost being raped.

He took a deep breath and then spoke.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to take you to a colleague of mine, who will do a sketch of…what is his name?"

She glanced up at him, "Jason Riley."

"They'll do a sketch of Jason using your description so we can put out an APB on him. I'll give the detective running the case in LA a call and tell him what you told me. He can get a photo of Jason from the Penitentiary and send it to us, so we have something more concrete than a sketch."

"Then why do the sketch?" she asked frowning.

"It may take a few days to get the photograph and we need to catch this guy as soon as possible. Having his picture out there now, rather than later might be the difference in catching him and letting him get away."

She nodded.

"Anyway, after we get your statement, the detective running the case here will take you to a safe house."

"Can't you take me?"

"Cat, I'm just CSI, I don't…"

"Please." She looked at him pleadingly.

"Okay, I'll talk to him, tell him I'll take you there."

She smiled faintly, "Thank you."

* * *

A few hours later Ken pulled up at an apartment complex, Cat in the passenger seat. They unloaded the car and got into the elevator, which would take them up to the fifth floor. When the elevator 'tinged' to announce they were at their floor, they stepped out and walked down the corridor in silence.

Ken pushed in the key to the apartment and opened the door, standing aside to let her in first. She bowed slightly to thank him and took her shoes off, replacing them with white slippers. Ken did the same and they walked into the lounge area and put the bags down.

Cat looked around.

"There are cops on either side of your apartment, so if they hear the slightest sign of trouble they will be in here within seconds."

Cat nodded absently, "Good to know."

"You should be safe here. I've alerted your manager and band members as to your whereabouts but I've asked them not to come here. If they want to contact you and see you, you will go to them, escorted by a police officer in civilian clothes."

She nodded again.

A strong humming silence flooded the room as Ken stared at Cat from behind. She was looking out the sliding door at the view of the city.

"Where did you go Cat?" he asked softly.

She did not turn around to face him, but her reply was smooth, as if she were waiting for this question.

"To LA. I got on a plane and went home to LA."

"Why?"

She could hear the strain in his voice, even though he was trying to hide it.

"I needed to get away. I couldn't take everything that was going on here. Seeing you with Yolei…my parents…myself…"

"Your parents were worried sick about you. They came to graduation looking for you or to see if anyone knew where you might have gone."

"I know." She whispered. "I phoned them a week after I ran away. I told them I was okay and that I would stay in contact with them if they promised not to look for me. They agreed."

Ken narrowed his eyes at her, "Why would you do that?"

"I needed to be by myself Ken. I needed to sort my own life out. I think they understood that."

"So, you let them know that you were alive on a regular basis and what? You forgot that I cared about you? Did it not occur to you that I might just be worried sick about you too?" His voice had steadily gotten angrier and he was surprised to feel himself shaking.

Finally she turned to him, matching his anger, "Of course I thought about you! I thought about calling you every single day I was gone! But I needed to get over you, I needed to get away from you!"

"Me? Don't bullshit me, Cat! _You_ left _me_, remember? You told me you didn't love me and then you threw yourself at the nearest-"

"I LIED!" she yelled, and then whispered, "I lied, you asshole."

"What?"

"I was head-over-heels for you, Ken. I didn't want to fall for you, but something about you…you made me feel like a worthwhile human being. You made me feel special, something I thought I would never feel again."

"Why?" he choked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because, Ken, I would have destroyed you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Davis was right about me, I would have ruined your life. I almost did. If I hadn't…"

"Wait a minute. Davis? What has he got to do with this?"

Cat suddenly realized she had said something she should not have. She hesitated and then tried to cover up her blunder.

"Nothing. Look…"

"No, don't lie to me again, Cat."

She sighed deeply, "He only told me what I already knew. That I was bad news, that I was ruining your life and he was right."

"Neither of you are the judge of that."

She threw her arms in the air and growled in frustration, "Oh for God's sake Ken! I got you hooked on cocaine! If your friends hadn't helped you get off it, who knows where you would be today! Me walking out of your life was the best thing for you. I knew it, Davis knew it and deep down inside you, you knew it!"

Ken stepped back and sat down on the couch.

"We had no future Ken. We would have destroyed each other…eventually."

"Or we would have healed each other."

"We did heal each other." She said lightly, "Just not when we were together."

Suddenly, Ken stood up forcefully and turned to the door, "I can't do this now."

"Ken, wait…"

Ken stopped at the counter and scribbled something down on a business card, "That's my cell number. If you think of anything else that will help with the case, you can call me anytime on that number."

"Ken, please…"

Without another word or a backward glance, he left Cat alone in the apartment, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Fuming mad, Ken peeled away from the parking lot and raced down the street to a popular restaurant. He parked his car, slammed the door closed and marched into the restaurant. It was closed to business but Ken wasn't intending on having lunch there. He walked right past the manager, who tried to call him back and straight into the kitchen.

He paused for a moment, searching through the kitchen to find the right chef and when he had, he walked forward, spun Davis around and punched him in the face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yelled.

Davis stumbled backward and clutched his throbbing jaw, staring disbelievingly at his best friend.

"Ken, what in the hell…?"

"What gives you the right to tell the woman I love that she has to leave me?"

Sudden comprehension dawned on Davis's face and he asked calmly, "How did you find out?"

"That's not the point!"

"Okay, Ken, calm down, lets go out front and talk this out."

"Fine."

They walked out the kitchen together and into the main restaurant, where they sat at the bar.

Ken was feeling a little ashamed of himself, but more edgy than anything else.

Davis opened his mouth wide to stretch his aching jaw and Ken looked guiltily at him.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not that bad. Dude Ken, you went all Emperor on me back there. You really that pissed about this, after all these years?"

Ken put his head in his hand, "Why did you tell her to leave me Davis?"

"I just told her what she already knew. I just gave her the final push, that's all. And I did it for you. When you were with her, you were…different. You scared us sometimes."

"I was free when I was with her. I was myself."

"You were yourself when you were on coke?"

Ken looked up at Davis, "No. Okay I get it, she was bad news and would have ruined my life. Fine. Cruel to be kind, I get it. But why didn't you tell me you talked to her?"

"Um, Ken, did you not see your reaction to that news a few minutes ago? If I had told you back then, you probably would never have spoken to me ever again. I was just looking out for you, but I am sorry."

Ken nodded faintly.

"So how _did_ you find out?" Davis asked after a moment.

Ken took a deep steady breath, "She's here. She came to my office this morning."

"Oh my God. Why? I mean, well…for a social call or something?"

Ken shook his head, "She's on tour here."

"Tour?"

"You know the singer, 'Charlie Jane'?"

"Sort of. Heard a couple of her songs on the radio, not bad, but what has this…?"

"She's Charlie Jane."

"Oh."

"Yeah, not only that but she's involved in this case I'm working on."

"The Brown-eyed blonds one?"

Ken nodded, "I can't discuss the details with you but basically she asked for my help."

"After all these years? Jeez Ken." Davis paused thinking about the prospect of seeing someone again, whom you haven't seen in years. "What are you going to tell Yolei?"

Ken turned to Davis with a frown and then looked down at the black bar top again. "I hadn't thought about that. Nothing I guess, not right now anyway."

"Dude, you sure that's a good idea? I mean Yolei…"

"I'll tell her, just not right now. I can hardly wrap my own head around this."

Davis nodded and let go of a deep breath while Ken stood up.

"I should get back to work." He turned back, "Sorry about your jaw."

Davis shrugged, "I'll live. See you later Ken."

* * *

Ken re-adjusted the glasses on his face as he stared down at the photograph of the latest victim. The longer he stared at the photograph, the more it resembled Cat. Feeling incredibly disturbed, he pushed the photographs away and pulled off his glasses.

At that moment Aneko walked into the office looking a little grim.

Ken looked up at her, "Bad news?"

She nodded, tucking her blond hair behind her ear, "Detective Miyazaki just informed me that our prime suspect is missing. He spoke to Detective Howard in LA and as it turns out, Jason Riley went missing two weeks after he was released. His parole officer and therapist saw him in the first two weeks and then never again after that."

"Figures. He'd want to keep a low profile I guess. Did he fax through a photograph of Jason?"

She nodded to confirm this, "He looks almost the same as the sketch, kinda creepy you know?"

"How so?"

"Well, you would think he would have aged a lot being in a penitentiary and all that, but he looks almost as young as he does in that sketch Charlie helped draw."

"Catrina." Ken corrected.

"Sorry?"

"Her real name is Catrina Harris."

"Oh right, sorry, habit."

"Well, that explains the benzodiazapine. He must have been prescribed them and is using them to drug the woman he kills."

Aneko nodded.

"He's staging the whole thing over and over again. Brown eyes, blond, six stab wounds with a pair of scissors and girls ranging from thirteen to thirty-two."

"Why would he replay something like that?"

"Punishment."

"Yeah, but for who?"

* * *

The rest of the day seemingly rushed by. Cat stood aside as a police officer opened her apartment and glanced inside it, before letting her in. She bowed her head in thanks and closed the door behind him. As she turned she saw Ken standing in the middle of the living area. She took a deep breath.

"I was worried when I found the place empty." Ken stated, "Where were you?"

"Rehearsal." She replied with a sigh. Then, "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we should talk." He shifted and gestured to the kitchen area, "I bought us some ramen and Sake."

"I don't drink." She replied off-handedly.

"Since when?" Ken asked with a hint of a laugh.

"Since I got sober." She snapped back, stung.

Ken looked at her amazed, "Sorry, I didn't mean to…How long?"

She sat down opposite him, "About eleven years now."

He followed her lead and sat down too. "Wow. That's…that's great."

"It was hard."

"I can imagine. Well, I mean, I had friends to help me out and I had only been using for a few months, but you…you were alone."

"Yeah. It was better that way."

Ken stared at her face and noticed the pained expression in her eyes.

"You want to know everything, don't you?" she asked, looking up into his blue orbs.

"It's one of the reasons I came here tonight." He confessed.

"What about Yolei? Does she know you're here?"

He shook his head, "I told her I was working late."

"I'm back in your life for five minutes and already you're lying to the people you love."

"It's not like that Cat. Come on, technically I am working."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Okay, well I had to see you. I need to know what happened to you."

She stood up and went to the counter where she picked up the bowls of ramen and handed one to Ken before sitting down again.

"I told you, I left and went to LA."

"And? What happened in those fourteen years Cat?"

"I had friends who would hook me up with a place to stay, food to eat, coke to snort. They were the ones who hooked me up in the very beginning. After about two years of non-stop parties and dealing I realized my life was a mess."

She paused and pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter from her white blouse pocket.

"You don't mind if I smoke do you?"

Ken shook his head.

She placed the nicotine stick to her lips and lit it up. She sucked in a drag and set the lighter down as she exhaled.

"It was this one night, where there were about fifty people all partying and stuff in our flat and I was completely high and wasted on I don't know what booze and what drugs. I tried to take some coke but my nose started bleeding."

Ken could feel she was becoming uncomfortable with telling this story, but he felt she needed to tell him, like it was extracting poison.

_The loud angry music pulsed in her ears and head as she staggered toward the bathroom. She stumbled into the white and blue room, slipping slightly on the wet tiles. She giggled drunkenly at herself and caught the bathroom counter to steady herself. As she clutched the blue counter, she looked up into the mirror and saw blood running down her face. Suddenly feeling incredibly sober, she gasped and tilted her head back to try and stop the bleeding, but it didn't help. Cat coughed on some blood that had run back down her throat and looked around for some tissues. She couldn't find any so she grabbed a wad of toilet paper and tried to mop it up, but it still wouldn't stop. Panicking, she sat down on the floor, shaking and crying and looking around for help._

_Suddenly feeling very alone and scared, Cat held the toilet paper to her face and searched her pocket for the one thing that would make her feel better, but she couldn't find it. Panicking even more, she started crawling around on the floor, calling to people and asking for help, but none of them cared about what she had lost or the fact that she was bleeding. They were more concerned with having fun and getting wasted. As she began to sob she saw a creased piece of paper under a couch. She rushed over to it and grabbed the piece of paper, sighing with relief. She held up the old photograph of Ken and held it to her chest, sobbing harder than she had ever done in her life. _

She paused to take a long drag of her cigarette.

"A picture of me?"

She nodded, "I kept it with me always and when I felt lonely or scared, I would pull it out and think of your love for me. It saved my life that night."

"How?"

"I checked myself into rehab the next morning."

"Really?"

"They said a month, but I insisted on three. I remember when I was in juvenal hall the only thing keeping me alive was the fact that I knew the second I got out my so-called-friends would hook me up with a line again. This time I knew there was no one because I refused to get hooked on it again. It was the hardest three months of my life and I nearly didn't make it, but every time I looked at your picture, I remembered why I was doing this. I wanted to get my life in order, like you did."

Ken stared at her.

"So then what?"

"Well when I got out I didn't have much money and I wasn't going to start dealing again, so I rented this horrible little hole in the wall and got myself a job as a waitress at a small café. I kept to myself mostly and didn't make trouble and the manager liked me. After a few years of working there he gave me a raise and offered me the job of bartender."

Ken raised his eyebrows.

She nodded, "Yeah, I know. Big test. I didn't know if I could handle being in such a close proximity to alcohol. I told him the truth about me and he said he would keep a close eye on me. He said he trusted me. So I took the job and I did really well. Anyway then I think it was about three months down the line, one of the acts who was supposed to be playing that night didn't show…"

"Acts?" Ken interrupted.

"Oh, the café played live music every Saturday night. No one huge, just local bands and stuff…"

_Cat stood behind the bar, dressed in smart black pants, a white shirt, her blond hair tied back in a neat braid. She seemed quiet and shy to other staff members and no one knew her very well, even though she had being working with them for a few of years. She kept herself to herself and didn't let anyone get too close. At first they thought she was a snob but then they soon learned that she had being hurt and was trying to heal._

_She often kept her eyes downcast and her voice soft and quiet. She hid the fact that she had tried to kill herself hidden by wearing a long sleeve shirt, even in summer. _

_One night when it was particularly busy, her manager rushed over to her and, looking a little distressed, he asked her a big favor._

_"The band who was supposed to play can't make it. I have no one to replace them. You play guitar right and you sing?"_

_She hesitated, "Yes…"_

_"Great, can you rush home and get your guitar, I need you to play tonight." He smiled hopefully at her, his big green eyes shinning. _

_"I don't play in front of anyone anymore…"_

_"Please, Charlie! I'll pay you the same fee that I would have paid for the band."_

_She rolled her eyes, "Okay fine."_

_When she returned with her guitar, the restaurant was alive with people and she made her way to the stage. She sat down on a stool in front of the microphone, said a brief hello and then began to strum her musical instrument and sing. She suddenly felt every face on her and noticed a couple clearly discussing her. She took her eyes off the audience and looked at the floor. _

_The crowd really enjoyed her and a week later the same couple came back to the restaurant and sat at the bar. They asked her why she wasn't playing again and she told them quietly that she had just being filling in. They grinned at her and then at the manager as he walked past. The young man grabbed her manager by the arm and said, "She should play here more often."_

_Cat looked down and tried not to smile. _

_Another week later, her manager approached her and informed her that she was to play every second week due to popular demand. _

_Cat took the job because it meant more money, but deep down inside it hurt every time she sung one of her songs. Every one was about her life with Ken, how he made her feel, or it was about him and their time together. _

_Two years later a woman in a business suit approached her manager looking for, 'Charlie Jane'. He pointed at Cat, who was behind the bar. _

"Why Charlie Jane?" Ken asked.

"Charlie is my mom's name and Jane was just…you know everyday, no one would look at me twice."

Ken nodded understanding her meaning.

"Anyway," she continued, "I step forward asking if I could help her and she went into this explanation that her daughter was there last week and heard me play. She said she was from a record company and would like to hear me play. I agreed, she liked what she heard and signed me up."

"Wow." Ken replied, impressed, "That's amazing."

Cat nodded and tapped her cigarette so the ash would fall into the ashtray. Then she took another drag and exhaled in a long breath.

"My daughter, Takara, is a fan of yours."

She crossed her legs and leaned her elbow on her knee, "Really?"

Ken nodded, "Would have been quite a shock to see you on stage when I took her to the concert."

She looked away, "Yeah, I guess it would have been."

An awkward silence flooded the room and Cat found herself chewing her lip while Ken fidgeted with his wedding band.

"I can get you good tickets, front row." She added after a moment.

"That would be great. She'd love me forever."

Cat gave a half smile and nodded.

They lapsed into silence again.

"Were you ever going to contact me again?" Ken finally asked.

Cat turned her head to look at him and then pushed the stump of her cigarette into the ashtray. She stood up forcefully and walked to the sliding door, looking out at the city.

"To be honest Ken, no, I had no intention of contacting you."

Ken squinted his eyes at her back, then stood up, "Never?"

"Don't get me wrong, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you but coming back into your life was not what you needed and not what I…you moved on. You have a wife and kids, who was I to walk back into your life and confuse you?"

"That's bullshit, Cat."

She spun to face him, "What…?"

"I moved on, yes, but there wasn't a day that I didn't think about you! I, even at one point, mourned you, like you were dead! I never stopped loving you or thinking about you, not once. I don't understand you."

She scoffed, "You used to."

"That was fourteen years ago."

She stepped closer to him, "Fourteen years and it's like no time has passed between us."

"What do you…?"

"I can feel you, Ken. Inside. I've always felt you and now…you being this close to me…it kills me because it's all 'look but don't touch'." She stepped closer to him.

He stepped closer to her, "Cat…"

"You should go." She took another step closer.

He mirrored her, "I…"

"Really. You should go."

They were horribly close to each other.

She looked up into his face, "Please."

As if coming to his senses, he nodded and stepped away from her. He gathered up his coat and walked to the door. He turned back to say something but words vanished from his tongue, so he opened the door and closed it behind him without saying a thing.

Resisting the urge to cry, she sat down on her couch and as she breathed in and out, she could smell him on the air.

* * *

Ken was driving on the freeway, intending on going home but he was dreading the moment he walked in the door, because he knew he was going to lie to Yolei and it wasn't fair to her. Lost in thought of the conversation he had had just a few minutes earlier with Cat, he almost didn't hear his cellular phone ringing.

He picked it up. "Ichijouji, hello?"

He listened to Aneko on the other end and sighed, "Okay, I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

He took the nearest exit and went in the opposite direction.

When he arrived at the crime scene, he parked his car and collected his kit. This time, the scene was a parking lot of an apartment complex.

He walked up to the yellow tape and ducked under it to meet up with Aneko and Makoto, who was taking pictures.

"What can you tell me?" he asked.

Aneko turned to him, "Victim is in her late twenties, possibly early thirties. Red hair and brown eyes. From the ring on her finger, I'd say she was married. Six stab wounds, strangulation, stripped and lain out here neatly for us to find."

Ken sighed and began examining the body and surrounding area.

"Her hair colour…"

"Dyed I'm guessing." Makoto interrupted.

Ken bent down and felt her skin. "She's still warm." He looked around and saw a young Japanese woman being questioned. From the look on her face, it was clear she was the one who had discovered the body.

"Aneko, do a perimeter, see if you can find our victim's clothes. We've never found the clothes of the victim before but he was here recently, so maybe he didn't get a chance to dispose of them properly."

She nodded and went off in search.

Makoto stood up and looked at the intensely deep thought on Ken's face.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Aneko was right, he's collecting them." Ken stated.

"Come again."

Ken took a deep breath, "I was under the impression he finds them, watches them for a while and then kills them. Then he moves onto the next victim, but he's multitasking. He's finding a number of women at once, following them, waiting and then one after the other he kills them. That's why there is always a large gap between killing sprees."

"He's a busy man this."

"And very patient."

Makoto frowned at the body, "She looks familiar."

Ken glanced at Makoto and then studied the victim's face, "She's the barmaid from the club. We questioned her."

"I guess she thought if she dyed her hair, she'd be safe." Makoto mused.

"Poor thing, it was already too late, he'd been watching her for weeks."

Ken looked up and saw Aneko walking toward the crime scene, a large grin on her face.

"How much do you love me?" she asked.

"You found the victim's clothes."

She nodded, "He tried to burn them, but he was in a hurry, he must have dropped her blouse next to the rubbish bin where he was burning the clothes. Not only that, but I found trace evidence too. I found a couple of hairs and they do not match the victim's."

"Good work. Now lets get to the lab and process this."

* * *

Back at the lab, Ken, Aneko and Makoto were working tirelessly. Ken had given the lab technician the threatening letters, which Cat had given him to see if he could extract any DNA from them. As it turned out one of the most recent letters still held a tiny amount of DNA on the envelope so they compared the DNA from there with the DNA from the hair left on the victim's blouse. They found a match.

Not to Ken's surprise it belonged to Jason Riley.

Ken phoned the detective and informed him of their discovery, which allowed them to put out a warrant for Jason's arrest, however the problem was still the fact that Jason was missing. Every cop was out looking for him but Ken still felt like he was missing something.

* * *

Ken walked into his apartment feeling utterly drained and hung up his coat and slipped on his slippers. The apartment was dark and quiet. Everyone was asleep. He stepped into Sam's room and kissed him on the forehead, then he moved to Takara's room and smiled at how peaceful she looked. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead too before moving to his bedroom where he saw Yolei sleeping. As quietly as he could, he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of the bath and breathed deeply in and out. An uprising of emotions was swelling inside him and he couldn't press them down. After fourteen years, Cat still had the same effect on him.

* * *

The next couple of days went by in a blur for Ken. He still hadn't told Yolei of Cat being in town and he felt horrible about it. He hated lying to her but he had no idea how to tell her or even if he should tell her, so he just kept quiet about it.

The case had seemingly come to a dead-end but this had happened before so Ken wasn't too worried, though he was highly frustrated.

Cat had dropped off two tickets to her concert along with VIP passes for Ken and Takara, but Ken had not actually seen her drop them off. He hadn't seen her since the conversation they had had the other night and Ken felt this was probably best, but tonight he was going to see her with his daughter and every time he thought about it, his stomach seemed to rise up into his mouth.

Before he knew it, it was time to drive him and Takara to the concert. His daughter was dressed in blue jeans, a red top and her long indigo hair was scraped back in a smart ponytail. She looked like she was beaming, with her VIP pass around her neck. She had gone hysterical when Ken had shown her the pass and when Yolei asked how he had acquired them he shrugged and said that he had pulled some weight with the security.

The stadium was packed and Ken was surprised at Cat's popularity. He had no idea she was so well known in Japan and by the look on Takara's face, neither did she.

He remembered the stadium when Matt and his band had played there a couple of times.

They made their way down the isle and found their seats. After about half an hour the band started to do a little warm up improvisation and then there was quiet.

Cat, or as everyone here knew her, Charlie Jane walked onto the stage, dressed in tight black pants and a blue shirt, her long blond hair loose around her face, a guitar strapped over her shoulder. She stood in front of the microphone and began strumming on her guitar, much to the pleasure of the crowd.

_"Midnight workings, weather down the storyline,  
I try to find the truth between all the lies.  
When Bleeding is feeling and feeling ain't real  
Will I see you when I open my eyes?  
Will I see you when I open my eyes?"_

Ken watched her intensely and saw how her emotions poured into her music. She had such passion but each word meant something to him too.

Suddenly he was transported to a different time and place.

_"Play me a song."_

_She looked up at him, holding the sheets against her. "Like what?"_

_"I don't know. I always see you writing down lyrics and stuff, I want to hear something of yours."_

_She smiled embarrassed, "You'll think it's lame."_

_"No I won't."_

_"Okay." She picked up her guitar and sang the very song Ken was listening to right now, though there was no back up band in the background, but it didn't need it. Ken knew the words were for him, about him and his heart nearly exploded._

_"When Breathing's a burden we all have to bear  
And trust is one thing we're taught never to share  
Somehow you just seem to shine,  
When loving means breaking and saying goodbye  
And I can't help but wonder what it is you do  
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world  
And somehow, when I'm with you, I never get burned"_

_Before she was finished, he took the guitar from her and set it down. A look of surprise was on her face and he grabbed her and kissed her passionately. She put her hands on his face and kissed him back, with such hunger._

_"Caught in a trap of what we're taught to believe  
When night overcomes day, life's so hard to perceive  
And the clock keeps on ticking through night-shattered skies  
Where the stars are all broken, and so are all the ties  
But the one thing remaining is you.  
When I'm broken and bleeding, you pull me right through"_

_She got close to him and their hands were all over each other, her nails scratching his skin, him attacking her neck. He picked her up and pushed her against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, still passionately kissing him. _

_"And I can't help but wonder what it is you do  
When you help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world  
And somehow, when I'm with you there's nothing I'd rather do  
Than be right there  
To escape my own life and all my fear  
And I can't feel  
Am I really real?  
Come and wipe all my tears  
Come and wipe all my tears"_

_His hands were in her long brown and red locks; her fingers were running through his indigo hair. _

_It was wild, untamed, nothing held back. They fell to the floor in enthralling ecstasy. _

_"And I can't help but wonder what it is you do  
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world  
And somehow, when I'm with you...  
I can't help but wonder what it is you do  
You help heal the pain, and the thoughts of the truth  
You're a question to the universe, a wonder to the world  
And somehow, when I'm with you, I never get burned"_

_If their passion for each other were flammable, they would have burned down the apartment block. _

Ken jumped when the song ended and the crowd went crazy, Takara one of the loudest to yell.

He looked up at her on the stage, remembering that that day was just two days before she closed the door in his face and lied about not loving him. He should have known she was lying then. That day wasn't about sex at all for them. It was about letting go of everything. They had never felt so in tune with each other, so connected on every level. There was no fear between them, no thought of insecurity. He even remembered her whispering, "I love you" in his ear. He felt ashamed to admit it, but he could never be like that with Yolei. When they made love to each other, it was gentle and kind and unselfish. But when Cat and Ken made love, it was about giving and taking and sometimes it was wild and rough, dark and selfish, it was a release. When Ken was with her, he was the most honest not only to her, but to himself. She knew how to read him and knew exactly what he needed when he needed it. Yolei, as much as he loved her, never knew how to read him like that, because he never really let her.

Ken looked up when she stared singing another song, obviously another hit because the crowd went crazy. _"The Moth don't care if the flame is real_

_'Cause moth and flame got a sweetheart deal_

_And nothing fuels a good flirtation_

_Like need and anger and desperation_

_No, the moth don't care if the flame is real_

_No, the moth don't care if the flame is real."_

Ken couldn't help but feel that each song was directed at him, about him.

When the concert was over, Cat was called back onto the stage for an encore and she played one of her number one hits. She sat quietly on a stool and sang, the audience so quiet it was eerie.

Then the lights went down and Ken and Takara made their way backstage.

They passed the security guards and brushed past a lot of other fans, backstage crew, groupies, and band members and then finally Ken saw Cat's long blond hair from behind. She turned and saw them and began to walk over to them.

Takara could hardly contain herself and was clutching a poster and marker in her hands.

When they were face-to-face, Ken and Cat stood awkwardly for a moment and then Ken looked down at Takara.

"This is my daughter, Takara." He stated.

Cat smiled at her and in fluent Japanese said, "Hello Takara-Chan."

"Oh my God!" Takara gasped, "This is so cool!"

Cat laughed.

"Um," Takara began, "Can you sign this for me? I'm a huge fan of yours and I have all your CDs."

Cat grinned and took the poster from her, writing on it, 'To Takara-Chan, my biggest fan, thank you for all your support! I hope you always follow your dream and your heart. Love, Charlie Jane…(AKA Cat).'

She handed it back to Takara, who looked up and smiled, "You sighed with your real name."

She nodded.

Takara looked from her father to Cat, "So how do you two know each other?"

They both looked down at her surprised.

She scoffed, "Oh come on. Like I would believe that stuff about you pulling weight with security papa?"

Cat smirked at her, "She's smart this one. Just like her father." Cat looked down at Takara again, "We went to school together for a while."

"Really? How come you never told me papa?"

"I didn't know at first, to tell the truth. She changed her name." Ken confessed.

They looked at each other again and the world around them seemed to vanish for a second.

"Is it okay if I look around?" Takara asked bringing them back to earth.

Cat nodded and so did Ken, "But be careful, okay?" he added.

"Hang on," Cat said and called over a tall woman who Takara recognized to be one of the backup vocals, "Will you show Takara around here?"

The tall brunette nodded and took Takara's hand.

Ken turned back to Cat and she led him to a quiet corner where they sat down.

Cat stared after Takara long after she was out of sight and Ken frowned at her, wondering what she was thinking. As if feeling his eyes probing her mind, she turned back to him, tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked taken aback.

"She's so beautiful. She looks so much like you."

"I…"

"When I was with you, it was one of the first times I was really sad about not being able to have children."

"Really?"

She nodded, looking at the floor. "I wanted to give you a future, a family…but…we would never have worked out…"

Ken wanted to open his mouth and say something that would make her feel better, but there was nothing. He knew how she felt because he felt it too, and no words could comfort him.

After a strong silence, Ken finally found his voice again.

"You were amazing." He breathed.

"Thanks."

"The first song…"

"'Wonder', yes…?"

"It was…the song you sang to me…"

She nodded, "I wrote it for you. It was a popular request at the restaurant and my first single. It went to number one. And it's still my favorite song to sing."

"All those songs…"

"They're about you or us, or my feelings about us or you…either way, they're all about us."

Ken hesitated and then put his hand on hers, but to his surprise she pulled it away.

"Cat…"

"I can't do this again Ken." She stated softly.

"Do what?"

"I see the way you look at me. You're still in love with me."

"And you're still in love with me." He replied.

She nodded and averted her eyes, "You're married."

"I know." He sighed.

"I want…I want you so badly, but it's wrong…"

Ken nodded, "It is…" as if trying to convince himself.

"I already ruined one marriage, I can't do it again. I can't fuck things up again."

"You're not going to."

"You don't understand Ken. My whole life, everything I touched was destroyed. Jason Riley, his life, then my friends, my life, your life, everything. I finally got it together and I was happy but…"

"Something was missing?"

She looked up and nodded.

"Are you…?" Ken hesitated, "Are you involved with someone now?"

She shook her head. "There was someone, but he couldn't deal with the fact that I…I didn't want to sleep with him."

Ken couldn't help but raise his eyebrows, "Really?"

She looked away again, "I was a nymphomaniac, Ken. Sex was just another drug to me. And when I ran away and was in LA, I spent days and nights so high I didn't know what I was doing or whom I was doing it with. I was so numb I just didn't care anymore. There was a hole inside me and I just kept trying to fill it but nothing helped. After I got out of rehab, I couldn't stand the idea of someone touching me and I kept having visions of that night in the bathroom at 'Moonbeams'. I kept thinking of how I asked for it. So I kept to myself for a while, I didn't get involved with anyone. I thought it was time for a makeover. I changed the style of my clothes, finally called my parents and let them know where I was staying. After all that time, a guy I work with asked me out last year and after always telling him 'no', I decided to go for it. We were seeing each other for about four months and he asked if he could stay over. I thought I was ready, so I agreed but when it came down to it…I wasn't. I started crying and told him to get out. He tried to get close to me again, but I told him to leave me alone and that I just wasn't ready."

"Cat…I don't know what to…"

"I know, it's pathetic isn't it?"

"No. No it's not. Cat, you'll find the one you're supposed to be with."

She closed her eyes, "I already found him, but I screwed up."

He fell silent and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her.

"I'm scared Ken. I'm so scared. He's killing women because of me and he's going to kill me too."

"No he's not, Cat. I promise you."

* * *

Ken opened the door for his daughter and stepped aside to let her in first. She bowed slightly in thanks and rushed to take off her shoes and replace them with slippers. She raced to her mother who was sitting in the living area and showed her the poster. Ken dreaded this moment and so took his time to change his shoes.

He heard how Yolei said how wonderful it all was and then told Takara that it was late and she should get ready for bed.

Ecstatic, the eleven-year old rushed off to her room to fix the poster to her cupboard.

Ken entered the room and stood, waiting. Yolei faced him and said nothing. It was like a showdown between the two, waiting to see who would talk first.

Ken gave in, "I should have told you."

"You should have." Yolei replied quietly, "She looks almost the same."

Ken nodded half-heartedly.

"When, how long has she been here?"

"Almost a week."

"A week! So she did give you the tickets."

"Yolei, it's not what you think. She's involved in the case, she came to me with evidence and for help."

"I'll bet. And you welcomed her right back into your arms. Ken have you forgotten the pain she put you through?"

"No, Yolei, but you don't understand…"

"No, you're right I don't understand!" she yelled, then calmed down slightly and added, "How many times have you seen her?"

"Two, maybe three times…just to talk."

Yolei snorted, "Sure."

"I'm telling the truth Yolei!"

"Really? And why didn't you just tell me about her in the first place?"

Ken opened his mouth and sighed, "I didn't know how to. I didn't know what to say."

"Because you still love her don't you?"

Ken looked up sharply at Yolei and into her eyes. He was a little taken aback by the question.

"How can you ask me that?"

"Do you?"

"Yolei, I love _you_, I married _you_."

"Because she left, Ken. Don't stand there and tell me that if things were different, if she hadn't left that you and I would be married."

Ken shook his head and sighed, feeling incredibly incensed, "You don't get it do you? Even if Cat had stayed, we would not have gotten back together and if we did, we would have…we probably would have been the worst thing for each other. She had made up her mind that she had left me and that was that. You were the best thing for me, Yolei, not her."

"But you still love her?"

Anger licked the insides of Ken like a flame and it rose up into his throat and out at Yolei. He clutched his hands on his head, his fingers tightly gripping his long dark hair, "For God's sake Yolei why are you obsessed with that? What do you want me to say? Yes I still love her, I never stopped loving her but I love and married you! I had two beautiful children with you! Not her, you! I love her differently than I love you. I can't help the way I feel about her but yet you hold it against me…"

"Stop yelling Ken! I don't want Takara's night to be deflated because her parents were fighting."

"Bullshit! You just can't stand the sound of me yelling. And that's it isn't it? You're so afraid that I'm going to go all Digimon Emperor on you again, aren't you? God, Yolei, I'm not eleven-years old anymore. I'm a thirty-two year old adult who has a temper but never lets it show because he can't stand the sight of his wife flinching every time he does so!"

"Ken, calm down!" Yolei pleaded, "That's not what I…"

"Don't tell me to calm down. We never argue because you never forgot. You never let me forget either. I can't live my life under a microscope. It was a long time ago, let it go. I did, why can't you?"

"When did you ever get over that?" Yolei asked with narrowed eyes.

"When Cat taught me to express myself and to learn from mistakes."

"I should have known." Yolei hissed bitterly. "Like she was the expert on that. A drug addict and a slut…"

"Don't! Don't call her that."

"It's what she was and is Ken! How can you defend her?"

Enraged, Ken picked up his coat and his shoes and put his hand on the door handle.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I can't do this…"

"She's been back in town for one week Ken and already she's tearing us apart."

Ken slammed the door shut behind him and marched to the elevator, which took him to his car. Automatically he got in and started the engine but he had no destination in mind. However he arrived at Cat's safe house and found himself in the elevator waiting for it to take him to her floor.

* * *

_"But I love you…"_

_"Don't say that!"_

_"Why? Why can't I say it? You said it to me over and over again…but you didn't mean it did you?"_

_"You don't know what you're talking about Catrina. You're just a child."_

_"Just a child? You didn't think that when you were sleeping with me! I don't understand."_

_"Just get rid of it."_

_Horrified, the petite thirteen-year-old stepped back, eyes wide and shinning. "No."_

_"Get rid of it, Catrina!"_

_"NO!"_

_"If you don't get rid of it…"_

_"If you try and make me get rid of it, I'll tell your wife and the principle!"_

_"You're lying!" Jason Riley growled, but there was fear in his voice. _

_Her eyes were bright and fiery, and she tried to puff her self up to look bigger than she was. She had his attention now, she had the upper hand._

_"You think I'm lying? Just try me!"_

_"You little whore!" in rage; he grabbed a pair of long stainless steel scissors with dark orange handles and swiftly rammed it into her lower torso. Consumed by pain, shock and fear, Cat doubled up and clutched her bleeding belly. But he was relentless. He kept coming until she could no longer stand or stay conscious. Her world faded before her eyes and the last thing she saw was the deep brown eyes and dark black hair of her English teacher._

Cat started, gasping for breath as she woke up crying. "I should have just died that day." She sobbed quietly to herself as she tugged at her red satin dressing gown.

She sat up on the couch where she had fallen asleep and glanced at the clothes she had dumped on the floor of the bathroom. All the touring was tiring but she hardly ever slept. She was too afraid of what she would see when she fell asleep. Or other times she just couldn't sleep at all. So it wasn't unusual for her to drop off when she sat down for a moment.

She stood up intending to walk to her bedroom and take two sleeping pills prescribed to her for insomnia, but something made her stop and turn to the door. Curious about the feeling, she walked slowly to the door and paused, resting her hand on the wood, as if trying to feel who was on the other side.

And just outside her door, Ken stood breathing deeply in and out, the last song she had sung, filling his head, his finger poised and ready to ring her doorbell.

* * *

(A/N)

Hahaha, and that's where I'm ending that chapter.

I changed the very end there so I could change the beginning of the fifth chapter.

The song 'Wonder' is taken off the Elektra soundtrack (after hearing that song and falling in love with it, I just had to put it in here and make it one of Cat's.) It's by Megan McCauley. And obviously "The Moth" is by Aimee Mann.

Not sure what else to say about this chapter, just that I obsessed over it for a really long time, sorry to make you wait so long for it.

Let me know what you think, what you hate, what you love, etc.

Oh yes, I proofread this chapter as many times as I could, but I just know I might have missed some mistakes, please let me know of them if you find them so I can fix it.

Just by the way, I hate these break lines, they suck and I'm sorry about them.


	5. Chapter 5

"Cruel Kindness"

5. 'Putting the pin back in the grenade'

Ken stood frozen with his hand poised and ready to ring Cat's doorbell. All he could hear was the last song that she had sung and it gave him chills. She needed to be comforted and he wanted so dearly to comfort her, but something was wrong. This was wrong, it was all wrong.

He shouldn't be here.

He retracted his hand from the bell and dropped his arm by his side. He dropped his head and sighed deeply before turning slowly on his heel and walking down the corridor to the elevator. When he reached it, he pressed the 'down' button and waited, the chilly breeze tugging at his hair and coat. He felt numb and drained, like he couldn't stand on his feet anymore because he couldn't feel them. When the elevator arrived, he stepped in and hit the ground floor button, leaning against the cool steel of the elevator wall.

Just as the doors closed, Cat opened her front door and looked up and down the corridor, just catching a glimpse of Ken before they closed completely. She wanted to call out his name but it got stuck in her throat. Disappointed, she went back into her apartment and closed the door behind her, taking deep shuddering breaths.

She moved to her bedroom, pulled out her sleeping pills, stared at them for a while as if considering downing the whole bottle. She shook the bottle until two fell into her palm and threw them back with some water. She curled up on her bed, the sheets hugged tightly to her chest.

------

Ken pushed back his hair and adjusted his glasses as he stared at the computer screen in his office. At this very moment, the screen was showing him some mug shots of Cat along with her fingerprints and her crimes.

"Breaking and entering. Resisting arrest. Possession."

Ken looked hard at the photo of Cat in the police report. She was fourteen years old. She had a nose ring and dark make-up on. Half of her short blond hair was cerulean blue. The expression on her face at first glance looked as if she didn't care, but Ken stared into those deep brown eyes and could see exactly what she was thinking. She was hurting, she was alone, she just wanted to rebel against everything and everyone, especially herself. She hated who she was, she hated the way she felt in her own skin and wanted nothing more than to escape from it.

Ken knew this, but he had the Digital World to escape to, Cat was not so lucky, she had jail.

Six months in a juvenile correction facility. And when she got out, no real friends, just people who would suck the life out of her because that's what she wanted.

Ken counted himself lucky. When he had being facing some of the darkest times of his life, his real friends had pulled him to safety. She was alone, never wanting to get close to anyone. He felt privileged to have been the one to get close to her. But now he paid a price.

He clicked on another window and an article came up about 'Charlie Jane' and her music career. He visited sites on her but he couldn't quite find what he was looking for. He wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for, but he would know when he saw it.

Aneko walked past his office and backtracked when she saw he was there. She knocked and asked if she could enter. He nodded and glanced at his watch.

"What are you doing here so late?" he asked.

"Only had half the night off. What about you? I thought you had the whole night off. What's your excuse?"

He sighed deeply and removed his glasses as Aneko sat opposite his desk. "I guess I can't stay way."

Feeling that something else entirely was distracting her supervisor, she tried to bring his attention back to something she knew would ground him, the case.

"I saw that you hadn't run a comparison against the DNA we found in the stolen van with the evidence we found on the latest victim's blouse. That's not like you."

He looked up at her with a frown, "That's _not_ like me."

"Yeah I know. No offense, Ken, but you haven't been yourself lately."

He nodded and pinched his eyes.

"What did you find?" he asked.

"Pardon?"

"The DNA comparison, what did you find?"

"Oh. Well a lot of the DNA didn't match but Makoto is doing a search with all the victims in Japan to narrow them down. We didn't find any DNA matching the hair we found on the blouse. Which I guess just means that he was just really good at covering his tracks."

Ken nodded and sighed deeply.

"And as far as the ABP goes, no one at the airport has identified him as an employee."

Ken narrowed his eyes. This case, or more correctly Jason Riley was beginning to work his last nerve. He absently pulled out his Crest and began to fiddle with it.

"So what were you working on?" Aneko asked, bringing Ken back to earth.

"Nothing really."

"I saw you at the concert tonight."

"You were there?"

"I'm a fan Ken, of course I was there."

Ken nodded, having a fleeting image of the twenty-seven year old screaming and dancing in the crowd.

"So I take it there is history between you two?" she went on.

"What makes you say that?" Ken asked sharply.

She shrugged evasively, "I saw your face when you saw her in your office that day. That and the way she asked for you."

Knowing he couldn't deny it, Ken nodded in confirmation. "That's what I was working on."

He turned his computer screen to face her.

"Oh, I see. You were doing research?"

"I was trying to find out more about her whereabouts over the past few years. That and her past."

Aneko nodded, "I have a tape of her, 'E! True Hollywood Story' if that helps at all."

Ken paused and mused, "True Hollywood, that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one."

Aneko gave a snort of laughter and then added, "But it's all factual and there are interview with her in it, about her past and present."

Ken's eyes seemed to light up; maybe this was exactly what he was looking for. "Thanks Aneko."

"You're welcome. I can go home now and get it for you if you want? I live around the corner."

"No, that's okay…"

"No, really, it's not a problem."

Ken smiled at her, she was very astute at reading people, him self included.

"Thanks, Aneko."

She stood up and walked out his office, "Anytime."

------

Mean while on the other side of the world, the CSI team in Los Angeles had gotten a call about a suspicious barrel down at the Peer.

Detective Johnson, a somewhat short, balding man with dull brown eyes accompanied his team of CSI down to the busy Peer, just a few miles away from Venice beach.

The team consisted of a man and a woman, both in their mid-to late thirties.

"Where did they say the barrel was?" the tall blond male asked.

His partner, a slim brunette with wire-framed glasses pointed ahead of them. "Near the Ferris wheel."

"Apparently," Detective Johnson added, "there were a few empty barrels near that Wheel and when one of the workers went to move them, he discovered one was not-so-empty."

"Do we know what's inside?" the female asked.

"Not yet."

As they approached the barrel the male CSI took a deep breath and examined the barrel carefully before opening it.

They found no prints or anything else that would be useful in a crime scene so they eventually opened the container and were met with a foul sight and an even worse stench.

"Oh, body in a barrel." The woman gagged, "Didn't see that coming."

Her partner raised his eye-brow, "I hope you're being sarcastic, Natalie."

"Of course I am, Brian."

They both looked into the barrel and then up at each other.

"I'm thinking we should empty this back at the lab." Natalie commented and her partner nodded.

Almost an hour later, the barrel with the body inside had been transported to the LA crime lab and was now resting in the morgue.

The mortician, a twenty-something year old with a bob of short black hair and big brown eyes looked up at the CSI team as they entered the morgue.

"Was wondering when you were going to get here." She said, as they pulled on some gloves. Her voice was naturally gravely, as though she had smoked too many cigarettes.

"Got here as fast as we could, believe me." Brain replied and stepped closer the body, now lying on the steel table in front of them.

"So what can you tell us?" Natalie asked.

"Well, the body was pretty badly decomposed, so time of death is hard to tell."

Natalie folded her arms, "Hmm, decomp in a small confined space…"

"Always difficult to process." She finished for her. "Anyway, I put the victim's clothes on that table for you." She pointed to a near by table and then continued, "And I found something there that I don't think you'll like."

Brain's curiosity was peeked and he walked over to the table and picked up a name badge, which had a waxy coating on it, but he could still make out the name. His eyes widened and he looked up at Natalie and the mortician in disbelief.

"What?" Natalie asked as she walked over and looked at it too, nearly gasping.

"Cathy," Natalie said, looking at the mortician, "Does this mean…is that?"

"Can't be a hundred percent sure just yet. The name badge was loose in the barrel, not attached to the vic's clothes, so it might have fallen in there by accident."

"When do you think you'll know?" Brain asked.

"Well, the body's too far gone for DNA, so I'm going to boil up the skull and give it to you guys to reconstruct it. I'll let you know as soon as it's done."

"Thanks, Cathy." Natalie breathed, "I just hope to hell that that body is not Jason Riley's."

------

Ken found himself clicking one browser, then the other and then going back again. He had five windows open, all telling him pretty much the same things. What was the definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, hoping that the last of his sanity had stuck with him for the remainder of this ordeal.

He looked up when Aneko waltzed in, a video tape in her hand. She placed the black box on his desk and sat down in the chair opposite.

"Thank you Aneko."

She nodded, "I turned on the television in the AV room for you."

He nodded and stood up, "Excuse me."

She gestured for him to leave, so he picked up the tape and walked down the hall, turning left into a room filled with electrical equipment.

He pushed the tape into the VCR and sat down in front of the TV.

The typical setting for an, 'E! True Hollywood Story' filled the screen, and then the name, "Charlie Jane" in white on a black screen.

The opening was set to 'Youth of America' by the band, "Birdbrain". Ken wasn't a genius when it came to music, so the only way he knew this information was because Cat had mentioned it was one of her favorite songs.

And then, the voice over came:

_"Fast cars, fast lane, fast sex, fast drugs, fast life, were the words Catrina Harris, or Charlie Jane as her fans know her, used to describe her life. That was of course before she cleaned up her act. Charlie Jane could describe her life as having three sections: Before high school, after high school and her life now._

_Catrina was born in the Valley in Los Angeles, where she lived for two years before her parents; Charlie and Robert Harrison were transferred to New York for business. Catrina's parents were in Building Management Services and her father was Branch Manager, meaning that this was the first move of many for Catrina. Not only that but her father was heir to several large companies making them socialize in rich company._

_Another two years later, the Harris family was again, uprooted and flown off to Japan where Catrina seemed to fit in well and even pick up the language easily. She started school at the age of five where she became more sociable, but her home life wasn't as sociable. Due to the fact that her parents worked long hours and socialized even longer hours and were hardly ever home, Catrina's nanny took care of her more often than not. After four years of living in Tokyo the family were transferred once more, this time to Switzerland, where they stayed just under a year before moving to Australia. There they spent three years when they were transferred back home to LA._

_By the time Catrina was eleven years old, she had being to three schools, not including kindergarten and she was now being enrolled in junior high._

_Catrina was a painfully shy girl, who began to feel as if there was no point at making friends because inevitably she would just have to leave them anyway. She was a smart child, excelling in her studies but not in her social habits."_

At that moment Catrina filled the screen, she was sitting in an interview chair, her long blond hair over her shoulder. "I didn't know anyone at school and I was new and uncomfortable, but I adjusted to change rather quickly, so that didn't bother me all that much. The girls at the school didn't like me though. They thought I was a snob who was too smart for my own good." She shrugged, "I guess the fact that I was an A student and that I could speak three languages intimidated them."

_"But when Catrina was thirteen, one of her teachers, Jason Riley took a huge interest in his student…and not for her academics. Jason Riley was a biology teacher who was in his early twenties, recently married to his girlfriend who had fallen pregnant. The baby was a year old when problems in their marriage became too much for Jason and he found himself engaging Catrina in conversation. He found her maturity fascinating and then told the thirteen-year-old Catrina that he was in love with her._

Catrina shook her head at herself and commented, "He was twenty-three, I was thirteen, did I honestly believe that he was in love with me? Stupidly, yes…"

_The two had an affair for six months, no one suspecting anything but when Catrina found out she was pregnant with Riley's baby; everything took a turn for the worst._

_Catrina informed Jason that was she pregnant and he was adamant that she get an abortion. She angrily told him that she wouldn't do it and threatened to tell his wife and the school board about the affair and the baby. Jason lost control of his temper and using a pair of scissors stabbed Catrina six times in the abdomen._

This time Catrina's mother filled the scene, "I remember the doctor coming out of the emergency room looking downcast and my stomach just sank. He told me there was some good news and some bad news. The good news was, Catrina would be okay, the bad news was that she lost the baby. I just shook my head and frowned at him 'What baby?' I said."

_"The doctor informed Catrina's mother that she had being eight weeks pregnant but due to all the damage done to her uterus and ovaries, including the blood loss, the baby had being destroyed. Not only that, but it looked as if Catrina would never be able to have children again."_

"When the doctors told Catrina that she had lost her baby, I remember her sobbing and sobbing and then turning to me and saying, 'I'm so sorry mom.' She looked so depressed, as if she had lost her best friend in the world. We asked her who the father had being and that's when the whole thing came out."

_"Jason Riley was charged with attempted murder, statutory rape and resisting arrest. The court case went on for almost six months until finally Jason Riley pleaded temporary insanity and was sent to a state penitentiary and therapy._

_But Catrina would never be the same. After the trial, she had done a complete turn around from her personality. She got a tattoo on her back, piercings; her hair dyed all sorts of strange and bizarre colours. She became more confident and began to mix with a rough crowd. A crowd that got her involved with drugs such as marijuana and cocaine and by the time Catrina was fourteen years old she had a serious cocaine problem._

"At that point," Catrina said running her hands through her long blond hair, "I'm not sure if my parents knew or not, maybe they just didn't want to know, you know? But one way or the other I just didn't care anymore."

_Just before Catrina's fifteenth birthday, she was caught breaking and entering a liquor store with a few of her friends. Catrina was charged with breaking and entering, resisting arrest and possession of narcotics. She was sentenced to a state juvenile correction facility where she spent six months getting sober. But as soon as she was out, she was back to her old ways._

_For the next two years Catrina was in and out of rehab until finally she had her parents convinced that she was sober._

"I was still taking cocaine, and only cocaine. When I wasn't on it, I was suicidal, I was just so depressed, so I tried to make sure I was never off it. My grades were good and steady and I was outwardly happy and my parents thought I had my life together. But I knew that I didn't, and I didn't really care. I just wanted to be left alone."

_Before Cat turned eighteen, her parents were transferred once more to Japan and there, Cat's life changed forever. She was involved with a young genius who she fell in love with and says all of her songs were inspired by him and their relationship._

_After an attack a couple days before her graduation, Catrina ran away from home and got on a plane to LA where she spent her days high as a kite._

_But after a large wake up call Catrina decided to get her life back in order, so she booked herself into rehab for three months, vowing never to do another drug ever again. After she got out, she spent her time looking for work and ended up a waitress at a little café on Melrose. She had completely separated herself from her friends and had her own place. Eventually she became a barmaid and the night when an act hadn't shown up at the café, her manager asked her to sing._

_Catrina was so popular that she had her own slot ever second Saturday until eventually Erica Messing offered her a recording contract._

"I didn't know what to think." Cat said folding her arms, "I mean I dreamt of something like this happening, but I never thought it would actually happen. At that point in my life singing actually made me sad, because it reminded me of my feelings for Ken. The only reason I was doing it was because it paid well and I needed to eat. But when I got that offer, I said yes, because I thought maybe singing would make me happy like it used to,"

_If singing didn't make her happy, it sure made her fans happy. People instantly fell in love with her voice, they related to her lyrics and felt that she had a soothing effect on them. Her first album, "Winter tears" went to number one in two weeks with the single, "The Moth". Fame was instant and demand for Charlie Jane was everywhere._

"I was amazed at the response my music got. I had no idea it would be so popular."

_Over the years, Catrina has not disappointed, all her albums went platinum, all her concerts were sold out but still Catrina was missing something. She never got over the break up between her and Ken._

Ken turned off the TV, not able to take anymore. He put his head in his hands and sighed heavily.

"You find what you were looking for?" Aneko asked as she entered the room.

"I think so. The whole time, she…"

"She loved you."

"I should have been there for her."

"How?" Aneko placed her hands on her hips. "You were married Ken, studying to be the best CSI in Japan, children…when would you have been there for her? Plus the fact that she didn't want you to be there."

Ken nodded and stood up, heading to the door.

"Ken." Aneko called out.

He turned to her.

"What you have with Yolei, it's good, don't...do anything stupid."

Ken hesitated before he nodded at her and walked out the door. Doing something stupid was exactly what he was about to do, but his whole life he had done the smart thing. It was time for a change.

------

"We have a face?" Brain asked as he entered the lab just as Natalie was setting down a pallet knife next to the rest of her sculpting tools.

She looked up grimly, "Sadly, we do, but it's the face we didn't want to see."

Brain drew his eyes to the sculpted clay face and sighed heavily, "I hate square one."

"It's not square one exactly." Natalie commented, "We know now for a fact that Jason Riley is not the one who's murdering these women."

"Meaning that our only suspect is ruled out on account that he was dead for a quarter of the killings." He looked hard at his partner, "But you're thinking he still relates to the crimes?"

She nodded, "Why would the person who is framing Jason kill him and leave his body where it could easily be discovered? Why not bury it?"

"He wants to be caught. All serial killers do, it's a compulsion."

"Or, he's making fun of us."

"Either way, we need to get this news to Japan, I'll go inform Johnson, so he can pass on the word."

------

Ken knocked twice on the white door of the apartment and safe house, wondering what he was doing, and wondering if it was the right thing. He waited patiently for a response, but when none came, he glanced down at his watch and saw that it was nearly three in the morning. That was one of the drawbacks of being on graveyard shift, when the sun was down, all sense of time vanished, it also meant a lot of over-time, since cases needed to be followed up during the day when the world was functional.

Thinking that she must be asleep, Ken turned, about to walk away when the door flew open to reveal Cat standing there, clutching her silky crimson dressing gown. Their eyes locked and they stood frozen for what felt like ten minutes, but in reality was little over ten seconds.

"You left earlier." She stated, as if picking up from a conversation that had being interrupted.

He nodded, "I didn't think it was right to see you."

"Is it right now?"

"I don't know."

She stepped aside to let him in and he hesitated as he put his foot over the threshold. However, once he was inside, he felt completely at home. She closed the door and leaned against it while he removed his shoes.

"Why did you come here?"

He didn't face her as he spoke, but rather looked out over the city, how the lights were still on in offices of buildings where he knew the only people to be working in them were security guards.

"I…I've dreamt of this moment since the day you ran away. I'm not going to lie to you. There wasn't a single day that I didn't think about you, that I didn't dream of seeing you again. But in those dreams, I wasn't married and I didn't have any children. There was only you and I."

"Now that it's happened, it's a disappointment." She finished for him. "It will never be like your dream."

"No."

Finally, he turned to her and she could see tears glistening in his big blue eyes, "All I want right now though is to hold you. To kiss you. To make you whole, Cat."

Tears crawled down her soft cheeks and over her lips, "And I want you to. That's all I have wanted for fourteen years! But we can't. I can't. I cannot do this again. Everything I touch…I make it black, I taint it, I destroy it." She burst into sobs and knelt down on the floor. "When I walked into your office and saw the picture of you and Yolei, a piece of me died inside."

Without a word, Ken crossed the room and scooped her up into his arms, walking toward the bedroom. She clutched onto him, burring her face in the crook of his neck.

"When you touched me…you shed light on who I was. You made me whole. If anything, you fixed me."

He laid her down gently on the sheets and brushed away her tears. He removed his coat and gun holster and lay down next to her. Gently he ran his fingers through her hair and stared at her.

"This feels right." He said softly and she nodded, feeling content.

"I saw your 'E! True Hollywood story'."

"Oh."

"You went through a lot. I mean, before Jason did what he did to you. It couldn't have been easy."

"My whole life I guess I was a loner. It made me strong and weak at the same time. I thought I could get by without anyone, but I was wrong."

He shifted and stroked her cheek. "I felt like that at one point too."

Her large brown eyes penetrated his blue ones and finally she spoke, "What's the hardest case you've ever had to work on?"

Ken took a deep breath and without hesitation replied, "The Ino case."

"Ino case?"

"Ino was a young CSI on my team. We had been working with her for three years. One night we got a call about a crime scene and when we got the address we all knew what we would find. But, seeing her body…nothing could have prepare us for that. Blunt force trauma. A lead pipe to the head was what killed her."

"Wasn't there a conflict of interest though?"

"Our detective thought there might be, but he also knew that we would stop at nothing to put the person responsible for doing this to our partner away. We would make sure we got the right person, no mistakes. And we did. It took about a week. I don't think I slept for more than five hours during that time. I couldn't let it go. She was young and pretty and just starting out in life. She was engaged and really talented as a CSI. And some jealous ex-boyfriend snuffed out her future in less than three seconds."

"Sounds like you took it personally."

"I guess you could say I did. That's why from then on, I tried not get too emotionally involved."

"But, this case…you can't help it…I'm sorry…"

He slipped his hand from her cheek, down to her shoulder and finally grasped her hand, "Cat, don't be…it's…"

"I want you to be in charge of my investigation." She stated.

"Cat…what…?"

"If Jason gets to me and he kills me -"

"Cat, he's not going to! We're making sure of that…"

"But if he does…I want it to be you. I trust you…I love you."

He stared at her, intensely, deeply, almost harshly but then his eyes softened and he gave in and nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you, Ken…for everything."

He smiled at her and watched as her eyes closed slowly. There was something celestial about her when she slept. It was as if she was the most honest and open when she was asleep. She was vulnerable, which made Ken hold her tightly in his arms, wanting to protect her forever, against everything. He wanted to bulletproof her soul, but he knew it was already too late for that. All the damage had being done. Now all he could do was heal the scar tissue.

------

Aneko looked up from her desk in the lab as Makoto walked in and sat next to her as she put her face close to the microscope again.

"Bad news." He stated.

She looked up once more and faced him. "What?"

"I just spoke to Miyazaki. He just found out from Detective Johnson that they found a body back in LA…guess whom it belonged to."

She tilted her head to the side, "Please tell me it's not who I think it is."

"Sorry. It's Jason's."

"Are they sure?"

"Pretty much." He looked closely at her, "Are you okay?"

"Just tired. It's being a long night."

He nodded, "I should call Ichijouji and tell him about this."

"Hasn't Miyazaki?" she questioned with a frown.

Makoto shook his head, "He said it was Ken's night off…first one in who knows how long and well, he said it could wait for tomorrow."

Aneko raised her eyebrow, "Regardless, Ken would want to know this now. I'll call him."

Makoto nodded and as he got up to leave the lab he turned back to her and smiled, "Latté for you?"

She sighed and nodded, "Please."

------

"Ken…"

He opened his eyes and looked up into her face, "What's wrong?"

She hesitated, "Do you think things would have being different if I had stayed?"

He took a deep breath, held it for a while and then exhaled slowly, weighing his words before he spoke, "Cat, before I met you, the idea of taking drugs wasn't alien to me. I'd often wondered if I could take cocaine or something to get me back to the level I used be at. I would think of drinking to get drunk to take my mind off the way I was feeing sometimes."

"So I just helped you with that." She said bitterly.

"No, wait. The thing was, if I had done it, I would have kept it a secret from everyone and who knows where I would have ended up after that. By the time everyone found out, it would have being too late. So when I took it and you knew…it was like a controlled experiment, if you know what I mean. I know you told Davis and the others and by doing that you helped me get over the addiction so I could move past that phase in my life and get better. I can't say that if you had stayed things would have being different, but I do know that I probably wouldn't have married Yolei. I would have tried to help you get better, even if you wanted me around or not."

Cat looked away from him and closed her eyes, "I screwed up so badly. I threw everything away because I thought it would be better for you."

"Shh." He cooed and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "It's okay…"

Instinctually he moved to kiss her lips. She held back a little and he hesitated. But at almost the same time they leaned in and began to kiss passionately, intensely. He placed his hands on her cheeks, on her body, on her back. She ran her fingers through his hair, down his chest, around his neck. There was no mistaking where this was going and at exactly the right moment Ken's cell phone rang.

He ignored it.

They kissed.

Still, it rang and finally Cat pulled back, "You should get that."

He looked into her eyes and then finally nodded, "Yeah…I should."

He slowly moved away from her and off the bed, picking up his coat and taking out his cell.

"Ichijouji, hello?"

"Ken," Aneko's voice came through, "We have some new light on this case. You should get here as soon as possible."

"Okay," he glanced over at Cat and then added, "I'll be there in a few minutes."

He hung up and picked up his coat.

"You have to go." She stated.

He nodded as he began to button it up.

"Maybe it's better this way."

"Yeah…maybe."

She watched as he slipped on his coat, made himself presentable and then stood up and walked to him, "I'm sorry…for putting you in this position."

He took her hand, "Don't be. I'm not sorry you came back into my life."

He leaned his head on her forehead and then turned to leave.

"I love you..." She whispered as he walked out the door.

------

"Jason Riley is dead?" Ken asked raising his eyebrows.

"We just found out." Makoto stated handing Ken the report from LA.

He read through it and huffed as he collapsed into his chair. "I can't believe this."

"Who would go to the trouble of framing Jason and then kill him?" Aneko inquired folding her arms.

Ken paused and then looked up at her. "Someone who hates him. Okay so what do we know so far?"

"Well," Makoto started, "We know that the narcotic used to sedate the women was from Riley's prescription, we have a paper trail from that. We know that he was going after blond women with brown eyes ranging from thirteen to thirty-two. We know that he was married with a child before he had the affair and went to prison. We know that he was released almost two years ago and that's when these murders started."

"We also know," Aneko added, "that the DNA we found on that blouse belonged to him but there is some DNA that we haven't identified that was found in the van. That DNA was probably from one of the victims though. I also did some digging and his wife killed herself about three years ago just after that 'True Hollywood story' was released. I guess she couldn't take the shame twice."

A sudden idea hit Ken and he looked sharply at Aneko, "Aneko did you run a comparison on that DNA we found with Riley's?"

"Well, yes, but it didn't match. It was similar though…" she blanched slightly.

"Similar, like a relative's DNA?"

She nodded, "But Riley had a son and he was just a baby."

"Back then he was a baby. Now he must be about twenty-years old."

"Oh my God." Aneko gasped, "How could I have been so stupid?"

Each of them stood up and went off in different directions, Ken off to search for any information on Jason Riley's son, Aneko to do more DNA work and Makoto to inform their detective so he could pass on the word to Detective Johnson in LA.

Ken made it his priority to call Cat first though and inform her of this development. There was no answer at her apartment, which made him worry until he figured that she must be asleep since it was so late. After hanging up the phone, he rushed off to get to work, not even noticing that his gun was missing. He had left it at her apartment when he took his coat off.

------

Cat moved to her closet and pulled out a pair of tight blue jeans, a silky pink top and a black jacket. She began to dress and then, lastly slipped on her black boots. She opened the door and looked up and down the hall, checking to see if there were any cops who would stop her from leaving her safe house. She couldn't explain it she just needed to get out of that apartment. The smell of Ken still lingered on the air and she couldn't take it anymore.

She hailed a taxi and when one pulled up, she climbed in the back, tears in her eyes and said, "Take me to a bar."

"Which one?" the driver asked.

"I don't care. Any bar."

He nodded and pulled away.

She ran her hands through her hair and stared out the window as the lampposts flashed passed.

Had she made the wrong choice in leaving Ken? Had she stayed, would they have gotten back together and would she have gotten sober? She felt sick at the answer and knew that it was 'yes'. He had saved her anyway; he just hadn't done it in person. Maybe she was wrong but who could really say. It all seemed so pointless now. She had all her dreams of being a singer come true, but all she ever wanted was to be loved the way that Ken had loved her, to be touched the way he had touched her, to be whole, the way he made her feel whole. She knew now that it could never be like she wanted it to be, that things would never change.

The taxi driver pulled over and she got out the car and walked straight into the bar, sitting at the counter.

A good-looking man with dark hair and vivid green eyes smiled at her and asked what he could get her.

She hesitated and ran her hands through her hair again, looking at all the poison in front of her.

"Give me…give me a vodka, straight."

He nodded, poured her drink and placed it in front of her.

She paid and then stared at the clear liquid for almost five minutes before finally, picking it up slowly and bringing it to her lips.

"Just another form of drug." She muttered and then tossed it back.

It burned all the way down her throat as if in punishment and she looked to the barmen and indicated for him to bring another one. He nodded and complied but just then a handsome young man around twenty sat down next to her.

He had black hair and deep brown eyes. He was roughly the same height as she was.

"This one's on me." He stated to the barman.

She turned to him, "No, thanks." She said softly, "Besides, you're too young for me."

He laughed, "I was just trying to be kind. Looks like you've had a rough day."

She looked away from him and sighed, "Yeah…"

"Want to talk about it?" he asked genuinely sounding sympathetic, but while her head was turned, he sprinkled some fine white powder into her drink and swiveled it around.

"Not really." She stated and picked up her drink, finally facing him again and then downing it.

He looked at the barmen and indicated 'two more'.

"I shouldn't." she muttered but with no real conviction.

"You look like you've lost someone you love." He stated looking into her face.

"I threw away any happiness I could have had." She sipped on her drink but felt her head swim and her body become heavy. She tried to stand up but stumbled.

"Are you okay?" he asked

"I don't feel so good…" she said frowning and trying to walk.

"Here, I'll guide you to the bathroom." He grabbed her arm and led her toward the bathrooms and the staff entrance at the back of the bar.

When he took her through the kitchen area toward the door through the back she looked around and frowned, "This isn't the bathroom…"

"I thought you might want some fresh air." He looked to some curious staff members and said softly, "She's not feeling well, a little too much to drink, she stumbled in here. Sorry."

Once they were outside in the alley he threw Cat away from him, causing her to stumbled and fall to her knees. She looked up at him in alarm and confusion, but he wasn't done yet. He moved back to her, roughly grabbed her arm and yanked her to her feet, pulling her staggering body to a van parked at the end of the ally. He opened the doors as she tried to wriggle free of his grip but the drug was making her slow and stupid. He tossed her into the back of the van and climbed in after her, slamming the doors shut behind him.

"I despise you." He stated.

"What…?"

"I've being planning this for almost five years now, since I saw that 'True Hollywood story' of you! It made me sick and it drove my mother into an even worse depression."

"Who…?"

"She killed herself because of you!" he yelled. "You know what got me though? Was the fact that everyone thought of you as the victim in all this!"

"What are you talking about…?" she mumbled.

He bent down so he was right in front of her, "I am Alexander Riley…Jason Riley's son. You ruined my entire life you slut and you are finally going to pay for it."

A horrible look of comprehension came over her face and she tried to move backward, but her whole body felt paralyzed.

"I've hated you my entire life, but I never knew what you looked like or what your name was and then one day, this story comes on the TV and I see the look of horror on my mother's face and all I had to do was listen and I found out everything about you. Here you are this rich little brat, while my mom and I are struggling to get by. And then she killed herself because of all the things people were saying about her and to her and the way they were looking at her. She thought it was her fault that my father had an affair, but it was yours! You broke up my family and then moved on. And you're doing it again with that detective and it makes me sick."

He leaned forward and hit her across the face and something snapped inside her. She looked up at him with a bitter expression.

"Your mother fell pregnant with you before your parents were married. Jason felt he had to marry her but they didn't really love each other. That's why he went looking somewhere else." She spat at him, "He used me and I let him because I thought I loved him. I had no intention of ruining anyone's life."

"Liar!" he burst out and hit her again.

"You think killing me is going to change that fact? We live by the speed of the choices that we make Alexander. They may not be good choices sometimes but that's the way life is. You killing all those girls and me…that's your choice, no one forced you to do this…"

"You did! You need to be punished!"

"Oh for God's sake you stupid little prick! Then kill me and only me! Do you have any idea how many lives you ruined when you killed all those girls? Lovers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, anyone connected to that person was affected by you killing them. You selfish little brat. They had nothing to do with any of this. Why not come after me and only me huh?"

He stood back, "All women are the same."

"What?"

"I watched them. I studied them. They all had their dirty little secrets. All of them, they are all just as bad as each other."

"So, what? You played God and ended their lives?" she narrowed her eyes at him, "You're disgusting. At least I could admit when I was doing something wrong, but you…? You think you're doing the right thing."

"Shut up you stupid little bitch!"

"I'm not a complete idiot, you know." She slowly moved her hand behind her back, feeling a lot stronger now. Her head was feeling a lot clearer too. "I guess you didn't use as much sedative on me since you wanted to keep me awake for your explanation."

Before he could react, she pulled out a gun from her bag and aimed it at him, shooting but only catching his shoulder.

He yelled out in pain and ran forward at her, pulling out the pair of scissors as he did. She fired again, but missed all together. The bullet went through the door of the van.

He landed on top of her and began to stab her over and over again in the torso. She cried out and fired off another shot, this time at close range, right into his gut. He gasped and fell backward, clutching the oozing wound.

She tried to crawl toward the door of the van but her world was going fuzzy once more and she only just saw the door burst open, staff looking into the crime scene with shock and horror and someone yelling, "Call an ambulance!"

She felt her body relax, become numb and finally she fell to the side and closed her eyes.

------

"Ken," Detective Miyazaki said gently and placed a hand up in front of him. "I don't think you should cover this crime scene."

Ken frowned deeply and saw the paramedics wheel a young man away in a stretcher. His eyes widened when he saw who it was and he turned back to the detective.

"I have to."

He sighed and stepped aside to let Ken, Aneko and Makoto through.

Ken almost rushed forward to the scene and froze when the sight hit his eyes.

The back of the van was dark but he could still see Cat lying on her side, one arm draped over her body, lying in a pool of her own blood. She was covered in it.

Quickly he turned away and put a hand over his mouth, trying to stay composed.

"Ken," Aneko said gently and put a hand on his shoulder, "We can send another team."

He shook his head, not making eye contact with her, "Cat wanted me to do it…she asked me and I promised."

"I'm sure she would understand if you didn't do it…"

"I have to do it." He sighed and she knew that he meant that he needed to do it.

The team all gathered around Cat's body, collecting evidence, taking pictures and analyzing the scene. Ken knelt down close to her and stared at her face, unmoving. Her once passionate, intense brown eyes were closed forever.

The scene moved in slow motion, the evidence collected, the body placed in a bag, the trip back to the station.

Ken walked down the empty hall and into his office, closing the door behind him. He tried to make it to his desk but couldn't and fell to his knees. He broke down in sobs, anger and rage.

For hours, he lay on his floor, staring at the ceiling, unable to move, not sure what to do with himself, or where to go.

The door opened, waking him from his stupor and Aneko walked in somberly. "Miyako phoned, looking for you. I told her what had happened…I thought it would be best."

Ken nodded and slowly stood up, "Thank you Aneko."

She nodded and closed the door.

------

Ken's hand rested on the handle of his front door, as he contemplated entering the apartment. He had almost forgotten the argument he and his wife had had the night before. It was early morning now, the sun had just come up and he knew that Miyako would be awake.

As if she had sensed him there, Miyako opened the door and for a moment husband and wife stared at each other, as if they were strangers who had met once before and were trying to place when.

Miyako stepped aside and said quietly, "Aneko told me what happened."

As Ken entered and removed his shoes, he nodded in response.

She hesitated before speaking again. "I, I'm sorry…"

Ken shook his head and said nothing.

"Ken," she spoke gently, almost as if she were afraid of setting him off or saying the wrong thing, "after you left last night I sat up the whole night thinking of what I had said and I'm so sorry. I know that your relationship with Cat was…special. I know that I could never come close to her, or that we could never have what you two had. It's different what we have. And, I know that you went to her last night…"

Ken turned to her about to explain but she cut him off.

"And it's okay. If you slept with her…I forgive you. I know that you still love her and you will always love her."

Ken stared at his wife, his eyes filling with emotion. He slowly walked toward her and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and whispered, "Miyako…we never slept together…but I'm not going to lie to you…we may as well have. You're right, I never stopped loving her, but you filled a huge hole in me and I will always love you for that." He pulled away and placed his hands on her cheeks, looking into her eyes, "You're the most wonderful, beautiful, dedicated woman in the world and I'm so sorry that I…that I never gave myself to you fully."

Miyako's brown eyes filled with tears and she pulled him close to kiss his lips. He desperately kissed her back and then pulled her into an embrace once more, finally bursting into tears. She held him tightly and rubbed his back, letting him mourn his loss.

------

"We got a full confession from Alexander Riley." Aneko announced as she entered the conference room at the station.

Ken looked up, "He gave it to you while he was in the hospital?"

She nodded, "I guess he figures if he confesses the court will be lenient with him."

Ken snorted angrily, "If he doesn't get life, I'll kill him myself."

Makoto turned to Ken sharply, "You don't mean that."

Ken stared at him hard, "…Yeah, you're right."

"Anyway," Aneko interjected, "He said that he kidnapped his father a week or so after he was released. Kept him alive so he could take DNA from him and plant it on the victims. When he went off to Japan, he had to kill Jason."

"Why didn't he bury him?" Makoto asked, "Why stuff him in a barrel?"

"I asked that. He just said that it was all part of the game."

"So he was messing with us." Ken stated bitterly.

She nodded, "He was a forensics major. He was studying crime scene investigation as well as psychology."

Ken huffed, closed his eyes and shook his head.

"After his mother killed herself," Aneko went on, "he planned this whole thing. Apparently he saw Catrina and his father as responsible for every bad thing that happened in his life. Sick kid."

Ken nodded and stood up, "Good work guys."

"Where are you going?" Makoto asked.

"I have a plane to catch."

------

The sun's rays pierced any clouds that hung above the graveyard, like arrows heading for the ground. It was a warm day, with the threat of rain. Ken, along with her parents, were the first to arrive at the funeral.

Flowers surrounded the open casket, but Ken was heartbroken to see that not a single one was her favorite.

_"My favorite flower? The Arum Lilly. Everyone calls it the death flower but I think it's beautiful, simple but stunning."_

People began to arrive and take their seats. After a while, Ken noticed that there had to be over a hundred people there. Most of the people were people she worked with, friends, family and fans.

He looked down at her. If one didn't know better, they would think she was asleep but Ken knew that she looked more peaceful when she slept. Now, she just looked lifeless to him, which she was.

People got up and spoke but Ken hardly heard what they were saying. The whole day was a blur, moving too fast and then far too slow all at once.

Charlie, Cat's mother, moved closer to Ken, jarring him from his musings and asked him if he would like to say something.

He hesitated and then nodded.

He stood up and looked around at the crowd. "Most of you knew, Charlie Jane. Some of you knew Catrina Harris. I think I knew both of them. I met Cat when she was seventeen. She had moved into the same apartment as mine and somehow burst into my life. It was strange, as if we had known each other all our lives and we were just going through another day. I was comfortable around her and I just knew there was something very special about her. But after a while I came to find that there were many things that she didn't like about herself just like there were things about me that I didn't like. We taught each other to embrace life, to live with whom we are and if we didn't like something, to change it. But we loved each other not in spite of our flaws, but because of them. There wasn't a day that I didn't think of her or wondered what she was doing or how she was doing. She was a beautiful, kind, fiery spirit who obviously touched many lives. I'm glad to know that she will live on inside all of us, in our memories and in her music."

He looked around again and saw quite a number of people crying quietly, then sat down.

_"No body knows me like you, Ken. It's like I can't hide anything from you anymore. It's like I don't want to hide anything from you."_

After the ceremony was over with and they had thrown the last of the dirt on the grave, Ken saw that he was the last one there. He stood staring at her tombstone, reading it over and over again.

Finally, he began to walk to his rented car and saw her parents standing by it.

"Your words were beautiful. Thank you." Charlie said softly, "She spoke of you often. Said how much of an inspiration you were to her. You reached her in a way we never could have."

Ken tried to smile and nodded.

"She left this for you. In her Will." Her father handed Ken a wooden box about the size of a shoebox.

They gave him a smile and turned to leave.

------

In his hotel room, Ken sat down with the box on his lap and slowly opened it. Inside was a small creased and folded photograph of him. The one she had carried with her and the same one that had saved her life. Under that was a picture in a silver frame with the two of them in it. She was sitting on his lap, her head resting on his chest. They both looked the happiest they had ever being. He set it aside and looked in the box again. He pulled out a notebook and flipped through it. It was filled with her thoughts, feelings and songs; her journal.

Then finally he picked up a videotape and a CD and noticed a letter from her at the bottom.

_"Dear Ken,_

_If you are reading this, well, I didn't make it._

_I want you to know that I didn't leave you because I wanted to, but I felt that I had to, so you could live the life you deserved. You kept me alive every single day and you saved my life._

_I lied when I said I didn't love you. I did. With all my heart and soul and I never stopped. I'm sorry that I hurt you._

_I've written this letter in hopes that I will see you again. When I found out my life was in danger the first thing that came to mind was not a fear of dying, but the fear of never seeing you again._

_The video and CD are of a song that I wrote and recorded for you. All of my songs were about you or us, but this song I wrote when I was feeling the happiest in my life. When I was with you. I never sold it because I wanted it to belong to you before it belonged to the world._

_Thank you, for being you and for making me whole._

_Love, Catrina."_

Ken pushed the tape into the VCR he had hired from the hotel and turned the TV on, trying to prepare himself for seeing her one last time.

His heart filled up his throat as tears prickled the corners of his eyes. She looked happy and beautiful, her blond hair shinning in sunlight, her brown eyes sparkling with emotion.

Somehow though, through his tears, she had managed to make Ken smile and he knew, from now on, things would be okay. He would see her again some day but for now, he had a family who loved him and who he loved, he could finally move on.

----

(AN:

Well that was a labor of love. Sorry for making you wait so long for it. This last chapter I had to be happy with and now I am. At first I hated it, so I left it alone for a long, long time. Then I came back to it and looked at it with fresh eyes, fixed and tweaked the things that needed to be and now I'm happy with it. I'm sorry to end it the way I ended it, it's very sad, but it's how I planned it all along (yes, even from the first chapter).

I am thinking of writing a sequel to this, an AU if you like. A 'What if' type of thing, but I doubt I will write it in story form. I am adapting this story to a screenplay and I have to say it's really looking good. So if I do, it will be in the form of a screenplay.

I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter of this story and thank you for going on this journey with me. You have been dedicated fans and I really appreciate that.

There are a couple of small things that were left out and unexplained in this last chapter simply because their explanation did not fit with it. They seemed to mess up the rhythm of the chapter. So I left them out. If you want to know things like, where Cat got the design for her tattoo (the upside down Crest of Kindness), you can find out in a an entry in my journal. And with this, I retire.)


End file.
